Sunday, January 16, 2011

This is why you need to follow me on Twitter

Thank God for Twitter! Without that invaluable service I could never share with friends the really important moment-to-moment details of my life. In case you’re not following me I’ve reassembled the Tweets you most recently missed.

Having a colonoscopy tomorrow.

Going out for magazines.

Is it just me or does Susan Boyle look like John Madden?

Okay. Starting to take the stuff.

Ugggghhh! It tastes terrible. Mood: Irritable.

Thinking of a Staycation this year. Any suggestions where I could stay?

It’s been a half hour. When is this stuff supposed to work?

45 minutes. Still nothing.

53 minutes and counting.

An hour. What’s the deal???

Just filled out my WGA awards ballot.

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kill me NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. I can breathe. Whew.

YEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s working.

8rXX3 thinks Susan Boyle looks like… wait a minute….

HOLY FRIGGIN’ SHIT!!!!!!!

How long is this supposed to last?

Oh Christ! I forgot. Today’s the day we scheduled an OPEN HOUSE here.  Awk!

Dennis Franz. That’s who 8rXX3 thinks Susan Boyle looks like.

No, you can’t see the bathroom! It’s currently occupied!  Awk!

I would trade my Emmy right now for a Tums.

Wow, there are a lot of ads in VANITY FAIR.

Bowel mood: very irritable.

Hey my legs have gone to sleep. Has that ever happened to you? Awk!

There are eight people walking through my house. I almost knocked one down during the last urge. Awk!

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I’m in hell.

Moving on to ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY and MERCENARY LIFE.

Thank you guys. Hearing your colonoscopy stories have really helped. LOL.

It’s been three hours.

And two rolls.

No offers on the house yet. :(

How stupid am I part two? Choosing to do this on the day of the TOP CHEF marathon?

Okay. I think the worst is over.

Wrong!!!!

Seriously. Someone. Kill me.  OMG!  Awk!

Oh great. My real estate agent just dumped me. For some reason she feels my house doesn’t “show well”.  OMG!  Awk! :(

I’m whipped. Better get some sleep. But here’s the good news: I convinced the doctor to just give me a local. So I’m bringing my laptop and you can expect tweets during the procedure. Please check back every five minutes.

12 comments:

BR said...

This was hysterical. Laughed to tears! Been there but didn't see the humor in it. Thank you Ken.

Linn said...

Ok, consider yourself followed! Sounds creepy, doesn't it?

BellaVida said...

This post makes following you simply irresistible.

emily said...

For more great colonoscopy adventures, it's hard to beat Dave Barry...

http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html

emily said...

Oops...

http://www.miamiherald.com
/2009/02/11/427603/
dave-barry-a-journey-
into-my-colon.html

Mister Charlie said...

Been there, without the real estate complications. I think you summarized it quite well. Not enough comments about burned flesh but otherwise.....

Charles H. Bryan said...

My memories don't focus as much on becoming a human Vesuvius as that before the procedure they were nice enough to inject me with valium, which apparently turns me into some sort of slut. Doctors with latex-gloved hands, please remember the anti-anxiety drugs! (For me, not for you.)

I was irked that they didn't give me a set of pictures. There went that Christmas card idea.

wv: phili -- destination for don't-wannabe Yankees.

RCP said...

Great laughs - thank you Ken!

Having also savored a colonoscopy (a month ago,) I have to say that aside from fasting and drinking that dishwater-tasting crap (oh try the "lemon-lime" flavoring - yeah right)...the procedure itself was kind of fun - whatever they gave me, I quite enjoyed watching the insides of my colon on the monitor in living color.

Albert Pooholes said...

Anus last words.

John said...

The stuff they gave me was grape-flavored (well, if you mixed grape flavor with industrial steel dust) and packaged as "Go Lightly". Never has there been a better example of false advertising. "Lahar" would have been a far more accurate brand name.

Barefoot Billy Aloha said...

"Hey Doc: Tell me when you find Jimmy Hoffa..."

Rich said...

Extremely funny and extremely accurate. I never knew anything could go through my body that quickly.