Hello from the show business capital of the world -- Detroit, where it's time for my annual Summer Movies Preview. (Programming note: I'll be calling tonight's Mariners/Tigers game with Rick Rizzs at 7 EDT on 710 ESPN Seattle and MLB.COM)
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS – PART 2 – Last installment of the series. Any more and Daniel Radcliffe will be able to play Dumbledore.
THE HANGOVER – PART 2 – Same plot as THE HANGOVER, different locale. This time it’s Bangkok and a monkey. A must-see for anyone who wants Warner Brothers to make more money.
KUNG FU PANDA 2 – I’m only surprised there’s not a GHANDI 2 this summer. Animated account of Pablo Sandoval and his heroic battle with weight.
THE BEAVER – Jew hater Mel Gibson as a guy with a hand puppet. Oh. It’s the puppet who hates Jews and treats women like shit. Not Mel. Got it. Okay. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN – The lovable bum is tired of begging for food.
THOR – Batman has his Batmobile, this guy has a hammer. Superhero strapped for cash.
JUMPING THE BROOM – Is that the studio’s idea of a “tentpole”? African-American rom-com. Wedding complications in the Martha’s Vineyard crib.
PRIEST – Vampire action-thriller and sequel to THE SINGING NUN.
BRIDESMAIDS – Studios won’t greenlight rom-coms unless they have a wedding theme. Buzz on this one is DOA (Dead on the alter).
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS – Woody Allen’s 463rd movie. The premise is a secret but expect beauty shots of Paris, and a redress of one of his other 462 movies. Hopefully not SHADOWS AND FOG.
THE TREE OF LIFE – In contrast to Woody Allen, director Terrance Malick comes out with movies so rarely that when he started filming this drama about a relationship in the ‘50s it was set in contemporary times.
THE CHANGE-UP – Body switching movie with Justin Bateman and Ryan Reynolds. If the extended trailer is any indication this may be the most vile unfunny movie of 2011. And remember ARTHUR is this year.
SOMETHING BORROWED – Another wedding rom-com that no guy will ever go see unless he's guaranteed sex later. And maybe even then.
LOVE, WEDDING, MARRIAGE – Stop already! This down-the-aisler stars Lindsay Lohan. Why not just have superheroes marry vampires and cover all the bases?
EVERYTHING MUST GO – Will Ferrell sells all of his worldly possessions in a yard sale. People buy everything but his LAND OF THE LOST memorabilia.
SUPER 8 – Will the sequel be SUPER 8-2 or SUPER 9?
30 comments :
What a depressing list. If the hobo with a shotgun crashed a few of these wedding receptions, it might make for something worth watching.
HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN has an interesting history. Alamo Drafthouse, a small theater chain, had a trailer contest a few years ago -- people made trailers for nonexistent movies, the more ridiculous, the better. The winner of the contest was HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN, because the concept was so ludicrous and the trailer was well-made. And now not only is it a real movie, it may end up being better than some of the others on this list.
SUPER 8 – Will the sequel be SUPER 8-2 or SUPER 9? Or the Super 8.75.
Reading the lineup of what movies are coming this summer, I'm suddenly happy that our town only has a single screen theater. They can't possible show all these losers.
Welcome to Michigan, Ken! (Or welcome back, based on your WDRQ days.) Be careful not to catch unemployment.
And people thought 1939 was a great year for Hollywood!
The Sequel to "Super 8" will of course be VHS...
Thanks for the laughs this morning! I so rarely laugh out loud at things I read anymore and your first three descriptions actually got some guffaws! :-)
Tell me you made up at least half of those titles/premises? And if VHS does not follow Super 8.2, LaserDisc will.
Important, very important baseball related question...I bet a friend that Rick Rizzs never forgets a baseball stat/fact/story. Once he's seen, read or heard it, it remains with him forever. That's not a critique, I am a Rizzs fan, he is among the best I've ever heard, and I've heard a lot of them. Have fun in Detroit...Felix should pitch one game so maybe they can squeak out a 2-1 win?
I thought the buzz on BRIDESMAIDS was pretty good. It's not another one of those Heigl type deals -- it's in the raunchier Apatow-type vein, co-written by lead actress Kristen Wiig. It will not resemble the other two wedding-themed films in the least.
Also, JUSTIN Bateman? Did Justine have a procedure? :)
If I remember correctly, the stats for this year are that there are 27 remakes/sequels being released this year. TWENTY-SEVEN!!! Is there anyone in Hollywood that has even a glimmer of an idea for an original movie?
I thought the trailer for Bridesmaids was pretty good. Also, disagree with you on the Change Up. Thought the trailer was hilarious. But then I'm sucker for hot chicks dropping deuces right before sex. Is that wrong?
SUPER 8 – Will the sequel be SUPER 8-2 or SUPER 9?
I thought Super 8 was the sequel to Motel 6.
Thanks for the warning, Ken. Guess I'll be spending my summer here:
http://theoakstheater.com/moonlit_matinees.html
I don't know how I feel about this summer slate. It feels tired, but there are some unknown elements so I guess I'm hoping to be pleasantly surprised but gearing up to be annoyingly bored.
Lazarus Lupin
http://strangespanner.blogspot.com/
art and review
Wasn't going to see Thor - until I understood it was being directed by Kenneth Branagh. Now there's a possibility I'll fork over what's left of my 401k and see it.
The Hangover was hilarious,and it will be fun to see those characters again, even if the sequel isn't as good as the original. Not everything has to be Citizen Kane!
Welcome to Motown, Ken. I'll be tuning in in half an hour just to hear you.
The sequel to Super 8 should actually be Betamax.
And my theory is that no one actually sees these new Woody Allen movies, even critics. They just fill in the blanks from their last review by changing the names of the actors' characters.
Actually, by rights "Super 8" should be the sequel to "8mm," the horrid "Nic Cage finds a snuff film" movie.
How is it that Jason Bateman keeps getting cast as a put-upon nerd? I have a lot of female friends who would choose him over Ryan Reynolds any day.
I'm gonna catch me some of the "Beaver". Really guys, is there a bad one out there?
How the HELL does Will Ferrell keep getting movie roles? The guy is just weirdly un-funny.
"altar"
Caught the last half of the game on radio with you and Rick. Your calls were a couple of seconds ahead of the TV visual. How do you know what's going to happen in advance? Eerie!
Man, when I saw that Branagh was directing Thor, I thought "wow, a chance to see a movie with Emma Thompson *and* cute little grey aliens? I'm there!". Then I saw it's from some dumb comic book. Hopes dashed.
Please let "When Harry Met Sally 2" be NOT a movie, just a cute YouTube movie trailer. Thank you.
Grampires, indeed.R
Hey you liberal geezer trollman who continues to rest on his laurels (much like Chevy Chase) - I'll bet you ANYTHING Bridesmaids is funnier (by a country mile) than ANYTHING you've written in in the last 20 years (including on this site); PS- Cheers was pretty damn funny after you left it, so STOP being so smug about its first season!
Great job on the radio. You and Rizzs are a nice combo!
Eagerly awaiting Anonymous' list of credits.
Calling Ken "trollman" took some balls.
Sorry, Lou, Branagh hasn't worked with Emma Thompson in years, and it's his loss. Now it's a cute little gray alien named Helena Bonham Carter.
Speaking of trailer contests, isn't that how SNAKES ON A PLANE was born?
"Ref said...
How the HELL does Will Ferrell keep getting movie roles? The guy is just weirdly un-funny."
Amen brother! I posted elsewhere how I was skipping the epsiodes of The Office that Ferrell was guesting in, and was inundated by tasteless idiots informing me he was the funniest man who ever lived. They didn't get that my saying Ferrell was funny, they were proving to me their comedy taste was worthless, and anything they typed was irrelevant.
My vote is for "Horrible Bosses" being the most vile film of the summer. Read the script and can't picture Jennifer Aniston being funny as anything, let alone a dentist who knocks out her employee with laughing gas so she can rape him. Yes, this is what passes as comedy nowadays. Haha, hilarious!
Also read "Everything Must Go" and loved that script. I think Will Farrell will pull it off.
So there, Ken (and jbryant), ready to eat some crow re. what you said about Bridesmaids being "DOA" (as opposed to Volunteers, eh?)?
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