Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Best Red Carpet Dress and other Miscellany

Haven’t done this in awhile. Here’s a hodgepodge of stray thoughts, questions, and uncalled-for snark.

The Grammys used to have star power, but this year? Sure, it featured the reunion of the remaining Beatles but where was Miley Cyrus?  I mean, why bother?

TRUE DETECTIVES is quite extraordinary. Best use of toupees in television. And terrific performances by Woody & Matt. My writing partner David made a great observation. “Matthew McConaughey put on a shirt and became an actor.”

After TRUE DETECTIVES, doesn't JUSTIFIED feel downright cosmopolitan?  At least some of the roads are paved.

Best Red Carpet dress EVER: Thank you, Joanna Krupa. (And YOUR mom wouldn’t let you go out in public when you wore shorts.)

To answer your next question: She’s a Real Housewife of Miami. That’s how they all dress down there.

I hope it’s 5 degrees for the Super Bowl. Then winter is over the next day and it’s 65 everywhere in the east for the next month.

Denver vs. Seattle – the Cannabis Bowl. It’s legal to smoke pot in one city and soon will be legal in the other. Go Seahawks!

This was the longest Grammy Awards show in 22 years.

Note to bartenders: Coca Cola mixed with 7-Up is not ginger ale. If you don’t have ginger ale say so.

How many of this week’s Grammy winners will be out of the business in three years?

True story:  This year's Denver County Fair will have Marijuana Contests. 

Another true story:  Amy Herbst, an opera singer, claims that due to a botched surgery she can no longer perform without farting.   Hey, she could win AMERICA'S GOT TALENT.

When I go to a hotel, why do they always seem to assign me the handicap room?

The Kings played the Ducks in an NHL hockey game outside at Dodger Stadium Saturday night where it was warmer than inside the Staples Center. Why go to an outdoor hockey game if you're not going to get snowed on? 

People can not talk about wine without sounding pretentious. Larry the Cable Guy couldn't say:  “Yes, it’s playfully articulate with a fruity overtone” without sounding like a pompous ass.

How important is scheduling? Fox debuted a new comedy, ENLISTED and it bombed. They moved it to Friday night and suddenly it got way better numbers. Of course, let’s see how it does this week, but still.

Who’s more connected with the music industry and Grammys than Julia Roberts? They couldn’t get anyone to introduce Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr who was actually alive when the Beatles first performed on THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW fifty years ago?  Oh, right, Miley Cyyrus wasn't available.

Seriously – does anyone care that Jay Leno is leaving THE TONIGHT SHOW February 6th? When Carson left it was a national event. This is like the Pro Bowl.

The latest hit musical on Broadway is BEAUTIFUL, the early life story of Carole King. How can you go wrong with her amazing songs? And the good news is she’s written so many of them that they could easily do a couple of sequels. BEAUTIFUL 2. STILL LOOKS DAMN GOOD.

I can’t wait for THE AMERICANS to return.

The Yankees sign Masahiro Tanaka for $155 million. He’s already pitched 1315 innings – an astronomical amount for someone his age. Fortunately, arm problems are so rare with major league pitchers.

How must Yu Darvish feel? Like Tanaka, he pitched in Japan, he was an ace, and a couple of years ago he got a third of what Tanaka signed for.

Now that Chris Christy’s bid for the presidency has stalled on the George Washington Bridge, the Republicans would be smart to draft Kevin O’Leary from SHARK TANK.

Are you on the Paleo Diet? My son Matt reminds you that Paleolithic humans lived to be about 20.

I’m like three weeks behind on DOWNTON ABBEY. They’re just sitting on my DVR. I think that’s telling me something.

Macklemore’s greatest song was a tribute to late Mariners’ announcer, Dave Niehaus.

83 great reviews for my book, MUST KILL TV (well 76 of the 83). Only $2.99 on Kindle. What are you waiting for for Godsakes? You can read the reviews and order it here.

Laurence Juber is one of the greatest guitarists in the world. For a long while he was member of Paul McCartney’s group Wings. One day he received a small box in the mail. There were several random pieces and a set of instructions. He followed the instructions, assembled the pieces, and that’s how he learned he had won a Grammy.

Happy Birthday, Hawkeye.  Alan Alda is 78.  It was an honor writing for you, sir. 

48 comments:

Mike Barer said...

Speaking of wine, it's a darn shame Fraser didn't go on long enough to do an episode of wine tasting in my former home town of Walla Walla.

Hamid said...

I can’t wait for THE AMERICANS to return

I second that. Brilliantly written and acted. And Keri Russell is a goddess.

Did Madonna turn up to the Grammys? Forget Miley Cyrus. When it comes to being annoying, Guy Ritchie's ex-career move, I mean ex-wife, has MC beat. She had talent once and made some great music, but her whole desperate-to-shock-and-be-edgy act wore thin over a decade ago but she doesn't seem to have realized this.

Setting aside the fact that her music now sucks, her endless need to appear hip and down with the kids just comes off desperate. Her most recent attempt would've been funny if it wasn't so sad. She posted a photo of her son on Instagram and added the hashtag - and please excuse the language that follows but it's what caused the recent controversy - #disnigga. How more pitiful can you get? A 55 year old woman who thinks she's being cool by calling her son a "nigga". She subsequently deleted it after an outcry and said she's not a racist. Madonna certainly is not a racist, but that's not the point. It's the fact she thought it appropriate for her to use a word which is used by some black people with each other. Madonna, you're not black and you're not a rapper.

South Park summed her up best: "Madonna wore out her welcome years ago, and now she suddenly speaks with a British accent and she thinks she can play guitar and she should go fuck herself."

Mike said...

Joanna Krupa is naked. Her entourage consists of a man holding up a strong spotlight while casting silhouettes with his other hand.

Cap'n Bob said...

Amy Herbst needs to learn about Le Petomaine, a huge cabaret star in France whose act consisted of farting. He could fart out songs, blow out candles from a distance, and lift paper off a table. Throw in a little La Boheme and you've got a killer act.

Grant said...

Kevin O'Leary is a Canadian.

Jon88 said...

"Enlisted" wasn't moved to Friday. It started on Friday at 9:30 after "Raising Hope"; as of last week, Fox swapped their time slots.

Terry said...

Ken, here's one for your Friday Questions. Your mention of Woody Harrelson in today's post brought up a question in my mind. When you were working with him on Cheers, did you have any idea what he was capable of as a dramatic actor? As a viewer, it still boggles my mind watching him on True Detective to think that he was once best known as a hayseed from Indiana. It's hard to believe it's the same guy.

I wonder the same thing about Ted Danson, who has, for my money, almost single-handedly saved CSI from the dreadful Laurence Fishburne years. Your thoughts on these talented guys?

Canda said...

I respect your opinion, as well as David Isaacs, but TRUE DETECTIVE is the most soulless and least human show I've ever seen. Talk about Writers Hand, i.e., every word comes from the writers head, and not the character's.

Carries grimness to a new level.

Anonymous said...

Hey Ken,
Yes True Detective is fantastic- a real slow burn type thriller. Justified is still really, really good.

CANNOT WAIT FOR THE AMERICANS EITHER!!!!!

Tanaka had perfect timing (ie- NYY were desperate)
Kevin O'Leary would be great but he's from Canada.

Chris Christie isn't cooked yet. The water is boiling but not quite yet. --LL

Brent said...

@Mike Barer...

Can you imagine the reactions if they were to go to Drew Bledsoe's Doubleback vineyards? Then found out who he was? Wine, made by a football player? The horror!

I think Ken and David would have made comedy gold with that.

Mike Barer said...

@Brent I can just hear Martin yelling "where can I get a beer around this joint?!

Irv Goldstein said...

Just posted online...Beaver Cleaver on 99X.

http://airchexx.com/2014/01/28/beaver-cleaver-98-7-wxlo-new-york-june-1-1978/

Anita Bonita said...

Julia Roberts was once married to Lyle Lovett, who has won four Grammy Awards. VoilĂ .

cadavra said...

It's not the dress. It's what's in the dress.

Jim Freedman said...

Wasn't that Le Petomaine fella a governor out in the old west? I'm pretty sure he had a toll booth named after him and spoke with a Yiddish accent.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad to read the mention of Laurence Juber, former Wings guitarist, which is how I became aware of him; however, I have not kept track of his career. Is the story you tell true? Is there more to the story, maybe stemming from the Grammy broadcast? Sorry, I haven't been able to make it through a Grammy broadcast since they gave it to Debby Boone for "You Light Up My Life", although I did drop in one the one in the late 80s where they gave Jethro Tull a Grammy for best heavy metal album. - Jeff Clem, whose computer will not allow him to post any way but as "anonymous."

Breadbaker said...

I seem to remember there was something about farting in a film I saw with that LePetomaine guy.

Patrick in Waterloo said...

Kevin O'Leary can't run for President, as a Republican or anything else. He's Canadian.

Mike said...

Leonard Rossiter as Le Petomane, by Galton & Simpson.

David from Canada said...

What's with all the "Kevin O'Leary is Canadian" stuff?

Ted Cruz is Canadian, and he's considered presidential material.

YEKIMI said...

Hey, if you didn't know, Airchexx.com has posted an aircheck of you as Beaver Cleaver on WXLO in New York. It's from June 1, 1978.

BigTed said...

I don't know if the Paleo diet is the best one out there, but the fact that people lived such short lives in Paleolithic times (which itself is debatable) isn't a pertinent argument against it. They had to deal with high infant mortality, exposure to the elements, lack of resources, lack of medical care, predators, and business rivals with big wooden clubs. Our lives are about a zillion times safer and easier than theirs (unless, of course, you're trying to find a parking space at Trader Joe's -- am I right, folks?).

Ken Levine said...

You guys realize these are jokes, right?

Tallulah Morehead said...

"Amy Herbst, an opera singer, claims that due to a botched surgery she can no longer perform without farting."

I have a related disorder. I can not fart without singing. Last night I ate baked Boston beans during dinner, and ended up involuntarily performing Madame Butterfly while trying to watch Hollywood Game Night. The reviews were so good that I'm now booked into the Hollywood Bowl to consume a bowl of beans and then perform Tosca. It's already sold out. (I'm only able to perform opera outdoors, with the audience upwind.)

D. McEwan said...

My dad, who never so much as tasted a single drop of wine in his entire life (Dad wasn't simply a non-drinker; he LOATHED alcohol with every fiber of his being. There was never any booze in our home except for the time we held his parents' 50th Wedding Anniversary celebration in our home. Ironically, we had to have champaigne there for his parents, so his Mormon mother could have her only drink of champaigne in her whole life. This by a woman who used to be in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.) found people talking about wine hilarious. After watching with me the Columbo episode where Donald Pleasance played a wine-maker, dad lampooned it for me during commercials, sipping his Pepsi, sloshing it around in his mouth, and then telling me that: "It's sweet, a bit insouciant, and from the the northern slopes of the bottlery. I'm sure it will travel well." Dad was seldom very funny, but he was funny that evening.

Ken, seriously, watch the opening episode of this season's Downtown Abbey. After what happens to Anna while Dame Tiri Ke Tanawa warbles, you'll be hooked, and end up binge-watching the other eps on your machine, and then be impatient for more.

"Seriously – does anyone care that Jay Leno is leaving THE TONIGHT SHOW February 6th?"

Well, Jay does, and Jeff Zucker, and Jimmy Fallon, and David Letterman, and Jay's soon-to-be-unemployed staff, and... Oh, that's it.

27 years ago, I was in an Improv class with Carole King for a couple months. (Yes, I'm bragging.) We always sat together because she loved my sense of humor and I loved her everything. She is the coolest woman on earth, and a hoot, and funny. This is the first time that a Broadway musical has been written about a friend of mine and I'm agog over it. And finally a new musical with some decent music.

Tallulah Morehead said...

"cadavra said...
It's not the dress. It's what's in the dress."


So right. Would you want to see Susan Boyle in that outfit? or me?

Mort said...

You guys realize these are jokes, right?

If you have to point them out, then I don't think they are.

BigTed said...

They're jokes that make you think. That's good, right?

Johnny Walker said...

Wow. Do you have a file of random observations? Please don't tell me you just wrote all these in one massive go?

Ken Levine said...

I pretty much do them all at one time although I will hold onto a quote from someone. I enjoy doing these but feel they would lose their appeal if I did them too often.

Greg Ehrbar said...

Laurence Juber is a friend and fan of the Sherman Brothers. I saw him play "Feed the Birds" live and it was magnificent. He's got a whole album of these songs here:

http://www.amazon.com/Poppin-Guitars-Tuneful-Sherman-DVD/dp/B002DEM9DM

This is a video of him playing "Spoonful of Sugar:"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UWEubjCB9A

And speaking of Annette Funicello, will the Carole King musical include her spoof of "Tall Paul?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42v0PCZYe20

CLARENCE GUEDAVN said...

Ohhhhh, these are JOKES!!!!

Pat Reeder said...

Just got back to Dallas from L.A., where I actually attended the Grammys live (my wife is a traditional jazz singer with an album that was in contention, but it was deemed to be too musical and was disqualified). But since it got us first crack at buying tickets, we decided to go. It was an exciting experience, although it would've been a lot more exciting if I'd run into Joanna Krupa. Why did I end up shuffling through the crown behind Paul Shaffer instead of her?

One thing you learn when you attend live is that all that mood lighting that looks so cool on TV just makes it impossible to tell who or what is on stage live. Between the dark shadows and the intense backlighting, it's like trying to watch someone perform on a dark light between two oncoming headlights. For all I could tell, everyone on stage was a French robot wearing a helmet.

This was also the first time a Grammy Award went to a country song that endorsed lesbian kissing. Loretta Lynn once offered to take another woman to "Fist City," but I don't think it was meant sexually.

The next night, we attended the Beatles tribute, which was much better than the Grammy Awards, but then, they had much better material to work with. One thing I noticed was that some of the big name actors who introduced the songs, like Johnny Depp and Sean Penn, were so incapable of reading the cue cards that the audience openly chuckled at their pot-head-like haze. I come out of radio, where if someone couldn't cold-read better than that, he'd be demoted to washing the coffee pot.

Pat Reeder said...

"crown" = "crowd." Damn typing fingers.

Anonymous said...

Ken,

Larry King called. He said to quit hacking his shit, sir.

Ken Levine said...

I'll have you know I did NOT steal this format from Larry King. I stole it from Allan Mallamud.

Cap'n Bob said...

I knew you were joking, and your joke begot mine.

Dale said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Alan Alda.

Oh and it should be noted, good composers borrow. Great composers steal.

Chris said...

Friday question: is there a rule that says when you cut back and forth between two scenes, they have to be happening at the same time?

I was watching the second episode of HBO's "Looking" and they cut between a scene where a lawyer meets with his clients and one where one of the other characters was out clubbing at night. It felt weird that a lawyer would meet clients at 10 pm, but it also didn't feel right that the meeting was taking place during the day and the other scene was in the middle of the night, while they cut back and forth between them.

Hamid said...

Ken, I've never watched GIRLS. I checked out a couple of clips on Youtube. I can see why you don't like it. What a bunch of self-absorbed, narcissistic, privileged brats.

Cookie Bear said...

I read that Andy Williams hosted the first Grammys broadcast...they weren't previously telecast, but his agent saw it could be an Oscars like show. Williams didn't want to do it, but the agent kept hounding him until he caved.

Not from the awards show, but here is Andy with the Righteous Brothers. Dig Andy's pipes! Who knew???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGClv9GKYmo

Roman said...

I believe it was a couple years ago when you wrote an entire post recommending Homeland. Now, with this single line recommending the americans: I owe you 2 great shows I wouldn't have "discover" otherwise. Thanks.

RCP said...

Tallulah Morehead said:

"I have a related disorder."

So that's what Mick Jagger meant when he said you were "a real gas."

Liggie said...

Apparently, the ice in that Dodger Stadium hockey game was BETTER than in the freezing-cold Yankee Stadium game the next day! Technology these days ...

Cap'n Bob said...

I knew, Cookie Bear. I watched the Andy Williams Show faithfully as a kid and was well aware that he had some great pipes.

Johnny Walker said...

"I pretty much do them all at one time although I will hold onto a quote from someone. I enjoy doing these but feel they would lose their appeal if I did them too often."

Wow, that's impressive. I can't quite fathom it. I don't think my brain could bounce around so many different topics and find something interesting to say. I tend to get hooked on one topic and squeeze the life out of it.

Paul Duca said...

Tallulah..about choosing you or Susan Boyle--just where exactly is the gun pointed at me aimed?

Brian Doan said...

Ken, I'd be curious to hear what you think of ENLISTED, which is getting really strong reviews. I've seen one episode, and enjoyed it, and found its slightly slower pacing (at least for that week) and character-driven comedy very sweet. Any thoughts?