Thursday, January 23, 2014

Today I am making a major announcement

I was going to go to the store, but now I’m not.

That is a major announcement. A bombshell.  It's ramifications will ripple throughout the industry.  I expect you all to be talking about it for days. I imagine it will be trending on Twitter. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the top story this evening on ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT.

Why am not going to the store? I wrote a shopping list, gave it to a six trusted friends, and one of them somehow leaked it to the public. So I’m not going. Whatever it was that I was going to buy, you won’t have it because I’ve cancelled my trip.

Maybe I’ll just publish the shopping list now that it’s out there. You all can discuss and debate it, but you won’t get the items listed.  Because I'm not going. 

I hope you are all happy. One careless person has now ruined it for all of you. Will I ever go to the store again? Maybe in five years… IF you have all learned your lesson. But for now, despite all your pleading, I’m staying home.

I might go to another store at some point. I don’t know. I’m too depressed right now. You say, “but it’s just a shopping list.” Yes, but it’s MY shopping list and as everyone knows, MY shopping lists are on a level of brilliance others can only dream about. And as an artist (and shopper) I feel violated and betrayed.

So I was going to go to the store, but now I’m not. And it serves you all right!

From Tuesday’s DEADLINE HOLLYWOOD: EXCLUSIVE: Learning today that his script The Hateful Eight leaked after he gave it to a small circle of actors, Quentin Tarantino tells me that he’s so upset that he has decided that he will not direct that film next

28 comments:

Scooter Schechtman said...

Harlan Ellison is still going to sue you.

Undertaker said...

I had a good laugh, thank you!

RockGolf said...

A Canticle for Levine?

Carol said...

Poor Ken. I hope you pull through this tragedy.

It's like when Stephenie Meyer refused to complete Midnight Sun because it was leaked on the internet.

That day was a victory for literature.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmm.....certainly, this Tarantino thing is not a gimmick. Nope. Can't be. - Jeff Clem

Brian O. said...

TOLD'JA!

Steve the Creep said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Steve the Creep said...

Hey Ken, why don't you post your next unfinished book on your blog here? If it just a joking matter. Instead of just giving it to a few trusted friends to get their opinions, have it out there for everyone to read. That wouldn't bother you right? I mean, you're not just making this post to be an ass.

PolyWogg said...

Oh come on Steve, he doesn't need to write this to be an ass. He's a professional TV writer, being an ass is second nature by now. Just ask Chuck Lorre.

I think Ken should submit it to Chuck as his next vanity card idea.

Paul

Charles H. Bryan said...

Is the shopping list also QT's? It seems to have a ground breaking shopping list format. I'm surprised that there aren't more f-bombs, but this may be edited for television version.

Also, I'm a little worried that (a) overnight pads are on the list and (b) that they are scratched off. Folks, do not invite that list-maker, QT or not QT, to spend the night.

Ben K. said...

I read an outline of Tarantino's script. It just said "___ SHOOTS ___ IN THE ___; BLOOD SPURTS ON THE ___; FORMER A-LIST ACTOR ____ MAKES POP-CULTURE REFERENCE; REPEAT FOR 2 1/2 HOURS.

Richard Y said...

FRIDAY QUESTION: Obviously too late for tomorrow but whenever. Besides you have to finish that coconut drink and go find Gidget.
This is in regards to actor crossovers into other series and maintaining their same character. Such as what is happening with Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. Dick Wolf even mentioned crossing into an episode of Law & Order but suspect only involving the Chicago PD folks. How are the actors paid for the ‘extra’ work? Not part of original Chicago Fire contract as Chicago PD was not around when Chicago Fire contracts were made.

jbryant said...

A creative type being a bit of a prima donna? Stop the presses!

QT has every right to be upset that the script leaked, but I hope he cools off and doesn't really let that stop him from making the movie. The script would have eventually gotten out way before the release date anyway, as is the case with every movie.

Courtney said...

If I read the Deadline story correctly, they suggest that Bruce Dern could be the source of the leak. According to gerontologists, most men of his age certainly could be...

D. McEwan said...

One less Quentin Tarantino movie is a win-win as far as I'm concerned. Friends of QT, please leak ALL> future Tarantino scripts. We can put an end to his overpraised career.

Hamid said...

That was funny, but I do get Tarantino's frustration at his script being leaked. Lots of directors wish to maintain secrecy on their films until release. Nothing strange about that.

One of the downsides to the internet has been the voracious hunger by fanboys to find out every single detail on upcoming films. I can avoid websites which specialize in that, but this tendency has become such a part of culture now, that spoilers seep into various outlets and are presented without warning. It's bad enough that trailers show too much of a movie. Gone are the days you could go and see a film without knowing anything about it beyond its basic premise.

RG said...

Now is the chance for Tarantino himself to save the day. Even though everyone has read the script online, he will show you what an amazing auteur he is by saying even though you know the story and even the ending it will STILL blow your mind! A magician revealing his trick and still blowing your toes away. Perhaps this feat will inspire Ken to reconsider his selfishness by refusing to purchase his grocery list and he will, hell be damned, buy those groceries anyway and cook a dish even Anthony Bourdain would melt over.

Bruce Dern said...

Ken,
Too bad you scratched off the Overnight Pads. That might have solved the leak problem.

Rick said...

...Bruce Dern coukd be the source of the leak. According to gerontologists, most men of his age certainly could be...

That's not a very nice thing to say. Old guys like Ken can be sensitive about that.

Paul Duca said...

Why are you marketing when you eating in the best restaurants in Hawaii?

Jack-off Zduriencik said...

One of us needs to take a day off. I'll volunteer.

DBenson said...

Of course, blame your fan community for holding you to the standards of your original classic shopping lists. Where's the sense of wonder, the creativity, the proper representation of the four basic food groups? II's a safe bet that Wise Potato Chips -- obviously written in for cheap comic effect -- would quickly become the Jar Jar Binks of packaged foods.

You'd be filling carts with generic corn flakes if it weren't for us. So cool your jets, and give us REAL shopping lists, like "Last minute BBQ stuff"; "Exactly enough for the salad"; and "Personal Hygiene products that aren't for me."

Start by rewriting this list to include all the things we loved, like wacky house brands and suggestive items of produce. And don't diss your fanrs!

Waves of Gray said...

Unfortunately, leaks are a by-product of technology and bad ethics so they seem to be inevitable. But that doesn't make them right. I don't blame Tarantino for being upset and taking it personally. Whether it's a screenwriter with a script, or a teacher with a quiz, creators should be able to trust their professional peers.

Breadbaker said...

The studio just called. You'll have to replace Nancy Travis with Lindsay Lohan in the Wise Potato Chip scene.

Lonesome Rhodes said...

Off topic (a Friday question): People on TV or in films have varying levels of celebrity. Character actors might get a friendly nod or autograph request while "A-listers" might face photographer jumping out at them all the time.
Many of these celebrities come from pretty inauspicious backgrounds--high school graduates who waited tables or temped until they got their big breaks. My question is: have you seen someone go from complete unknown to big star? Did this person have "star" quality? What happens when stardom doesn't last? (Someone might be on the "it" show of the day but the show fades from memory.)

Hoverbored said...

Dear Ken, here's a Friday Question. I was watching an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" where Debra gets PMS and goes mental. ("Bad Moon Rising"). As usual, Ray manages to make a bad situation worse, enraging his wife AND mother. To me, Debra's behavior was so over-the-top that it came off as almost psychotic and utterly unbelievable. Jokes like these tend to ring false because they rely on broad stereotypes instead of honest oberservations.

I generally regard "Raymond" as a very well-made show, but it sometimes hit a false note, particularly in the later years. My question is, how do you deal with seeing a bad episode of a show you worked on? I imagine that even the best ones occasionally put out clunkers.

Joseph M.

Dan Ball said...

YES, Ken! Take THAT Tarantino!

John Ford might've been an extra in BIRTH OF A NATION, but he didn't crush us under the weight of his ego. Geez.

I'm kinda done with QT. I thought DJANGO was going to be a true spaghetti western since, you know, all the other DJANGO films were and he culled his style from that genre. But no, he pulls a bait and switch and turns DJANGO UNCHAINED into a "southern", not a western. Meanwhile, we gotta relive slavery, rather than seeing just a great, simple shoot-'em-up western with a great soundtrack. Now he announces HATEFUL EIGHT, supposedly a 'true' western this time, but now he's not going to make it because people want to read his script before the thing's made. Most people would probably go on and make the movie anyway or just change it up a little. His Majesty, conversely, just throws in the towel and nixes the project altogether. Lame.

I don't mind a director playing mind games with the audience during the movie. Outside of it is pathetic.

XJill said...

A shopping list is not a script. He has every right to be pissed and upset.