Sunday, February 26, 2006

American Idle

I admit it unashamedly – I love AMERICAN IDOL. Like most people, I do postgame recaps with friends. Unlike most people, I have a blog so I can spew my demented opinions worldwide. As the musical thinning of the herd continues here are my thoughts:

I was so glad opera girl got the boot…although it would have been fun to hear her perform on Hip Hop night.

And bye bye to Bobby Bennett. I didn’t mind so much that he looked like a Little Richard Macy’s Day Parade balloon. It’s that he sang a Barry Manilow song…by CHOICE.

Sorry to see Becky go. Yeah, she couldn’t sing. But God was she hot. And she has a twin sister so there’s that fantasy.

Every year there seems to be one Sinatra wannabe and he’s always fifteen. Sinatra as a virgin doesn’t work. By the time the real Sinatra was fifteen he had probably already done Peggy Lee. You need that to sing “Summer Wind”.

Same for little Kevin. He sort of reminds me of “Jack” from the Jack in the Box commercials. Or Chicken Little from the recent Disney film. I like him, he can sing. But I just picture his mother standing off stage, fixing his collar, rebuttoning his shirt.

The Vin Diesel guy is a one-trick pony. But then again, so is the real Vin Diesel.

I LOVE Lisa Tucker. Absolute superstar potential. If she’s this amazing at sixteen, watch out. By the time she’s out of the business at twenty-two she’s going to be a legend.

Ditto for little Paris Bennett (hopefully no relation to Bobby “Lounge Lizard” Bennett). Such poise, charisma, and talent. This Cosby kid could go all the way.

Simon thinks Elliott Yamin is the best male vocalist since the series began. If only he didn’t look like the kid who lived under the sink in his house until he was twenty because he felt more “comfortable” there.

I DESPISE Brenna. There’s “sass” and there’s obnoxious insufferable nails-on-a-blackboard shrew. I thought the “Hello gorgeous” Barbra Streisand mimic trollop from last season was annoying but she was Miss Congeniality compared to this relentless car alarm.

Is Ace Young gay? I say he makes it to the final four if he’s not, the final two if he is.

If I press my Tivo “skip” button twice I can bypass Randy’s comments completely. Once for Paula’s.

I hate when anyone sings a Disney song. Please, no more MULAN. Ever!

Best actual singer: Katharine McPhee. Her version of “Since I Fell For You” was spectacular. But Katharine, Barbra Streisand didn’t make that a hit. Lenny Welch did.

Best name ever on AMERICAN IDOL: Kellie Pickler. Although I’m getting a little tired of her crying each week ‘cause her daddy is in prison. Trust me Kellie, your life would be a whole lot worse if he were out. Be thankful that cellmate “Spike” has the role that would have been reserved for you.

I like Mandisa. She’s following in the rather lengthy shadow of Aretha Franklin.

Heather and Kinnik should call Jet Blue and have their reservations ready for Friday morning.

If it doesn’t work out for “Sway” on AMERICAN IDOL there’s always a spot for him as gang member #4 on THE SHIELD.

Gideon with that big shit-eatin’ grin looks like Chief Wahoo, the Cleveland Indians cartoon mascot.

Notice how Randy calls every girl “man”? Press that Tivo button.

Aren’t you secretly rooting for Ayla Brown to get voted off just to see the look on her face? As Ryan gently has to escort her off stage: “What?! Me?! How can that be? I’m student body president. I’m captain of the basketball team. Take your hands off me, you dwarf. I’m a prom queen. My daddy’s a senator. He’s going to get you all. You just wait and see. Have you ever been audited? You’ll be sorry…”

And finally, there’s Taylor Hicks. How can this guy be 29? He looks older than half the members of the WGA who can no longer get work. And his one talent – having seizures – also suggests someone a little long in the tooth. That said, I hope he stays in the competition. Seeing him will remind me every week to tape HOUSE.

Bring back Becky!!


Cunningham said...

This is good for me, Ken. Now I know what I'm not missing. I don't start watching the show until they get down to the final 12. It is absolutely painful to watch the audition shows - not only to my ears but to my psyche.

Anonymous said...

They should have kept the cowboy. He was disturbing in his innocence. It would have been great to see him corrupted on national TV.

Anonymous said...

Hey Ken-
sorry to hear your choice for optimal procrastination is american idol - you need to check out dancing with the stars - so much more fun than AI. I'm sorry, I haven't been able to get behind a show that that many people watch. i am horrified that i even like dancing with the stars. it's too popular. give me arrested development with no one watching it. it's like if it had gotten popular, i think i would have been miffed.
have a great day!

turtlesoup said...

I am so with you on your idol picks, Ken.
But I think, in the great tradition of Clay Aiken, that Ace should be awarded extra points in case he does decide to come out before the end of the season. Now THAT would make great television.
I cannot believe that I actually saw your post on the Lloyd Thaxton website. Of course, I was posting there at the time also.
This web makes friendly strangers of us all.
My occasional blogs are at and are called "Eddie's Media Corner."
Not enough discipline to do it daily, so I post when I can.
Great to read your thoughts, man.
You echo the thoughts of the media oppressed.


Morning Ham said...

Nice to see Howard Kaylan posting on your blog...wonder what you would've had to say about him if AI had been on in the 60s.

Anonymous said...

OK, 4 years later, this post is a funny look back.... that vin deisel guy... Taylor seizures... great stuff