Saturday, February 11, 2006

Another Annie rant

A couple of weeks ago I posted a guest-rant by my daughter, Annie, who is a student at Northwestern. The responsive was very positive so since I’m proud to show her off….and I’m in San Diego chilling – here’s another Annie rant.


Today’s topic: The Chicago local TV News

Now, I guess I failed to notice this because I wasn’t as devoted to TV as I am now that Jack Bauer and his ass-kicking are back. But it is ridiculous.

First of all, why do we need news at nine o’clock? Second, let me go over some of the past promos I have seen. Keep in mind I am not making any of this up:

1) “People illegally parking in Handicap spaces!! Tonight at 9!!” I had to tune in for this gem in which they literally went up to random cars in handicap parking spaces and harassed these poor people who surprise surprise weren’t available for comment. Unfortunately they didn’t catch Steve Jobs.

2) “What is in this bag… (zoom in on a plastic bag that looks like it might contain a kid’s school lunch)…will SHOCK you!! Tonight at 9!!” Unless it’s where I left my frickin keys…I couldn’t care less.

3) “Members of a wedding party get food poisoning! Stay tuned!” I caught a bit of this dramatic episode. The grand conclusion: it was something they ate. Isn’t that what food poisoning IS?

Could it really be that there is so little going on in the world that a plastic bag is considered news? Yet if this is the case, it does seem a bit odd that the New York Times consistently comes up with relevant articles every morning. Well, I think they do. I mainly just go to the crossword puzzle.

Check out the ABC Chicago News website where the main headline is this:


"An Oklahoma woman takes whistling to a whole new low -- she whistles through her toes.

Betty Bell learned to whistle through her toes as a kid. She said she started her strange talent when she found she couldn't whistle through her fingers.

Bell is in New York trying to get a spot on David Letterman's late-night TV segment "Stupid Human Tricks." A friend painted a likeness of Letterman on one of her toes in hopes of bringing her luck.”


Anonymous said...

'ol Dave does look a bit like a big toe.

Frank Strovel III said...

Sounds like February sweeps in the news biz to me.

Anonymous said...

At least it's better than Geraldo At Large--"Tonight: Stripper converts to Christianity. Geraldo takes a look at this devastating blow to his favorite club..."

Anonymous said...

Just what precisely, does Annie do?

Jesse Wendel

Law Student & Aspiring Sitcom Starlet said...

lol, great observations Annie. Those news reports are really sad . . . I used to live in DC and happened to live there when a hurricane was coming through (this happens once in a blue moon) and a tree was down in the middle of the road--a HUGE tree mind you--so the "LIVE" reporter was standing out there and, in a stunning moment of brilliance, he says: "A TREE is in the middle of the road . . . No cars will be able to pass UNTIL . . . the tree is moved. Back to you Sharon."


Anonymous said...

Annie...if Chicago TV news in the Oughts bothers you, make sure you get down on your bony knees and thank whatever god to which you sacrifice your goats, that you aren't in San Francisco in the 70's.
The ABC station there took sensationalism to a level such that people began to say its call letters, KGO, in fact stood for Kickers, Guts, & Orgasms.
This single teaser says it all:

"Severed penis found on railroad at 11"