Tuesday, April 17, 2007


I just recently found out there is a sixth broadcasting network. No really. There is. It’s called MyNetworkTV. I don’t know anybody who gets it but I imagine there are some stations somewhere that carry it. Don’t you think? They have a website and are mentioned in Wikipedia. There's a rumor it's on in LA but there are also rumors that Elvis is still alive.

They launched September 5, 2006. Where was I? I mean, a sixth broadcasting network. How does that just slip through unnoticed? I’ve heard of Fuse, G4, N, Logo, even something called American Life TV (home of MAN FROM UNCLE reruns… made in 1963 with a budget of about $12 per episode -- at least $2 of it for Robert Vaughn’s Brylcream). But no MyNetworkTV.

That is about to change in May. For sweeps MyNetworkTV is rolling out the big guns. On May 16 they premiere an hourlong documentary, “Anna Nicole Smith: Centerfold Revisited,” which is an update of an earlier special about Smith that MyNetwork ran (in other words, it’s unseen) followed by an hour called “Britney Spears: A Pop Idol Exposed.” Adding a touch of class to both documentaries, they’ve hired ACCESS HOLLYWOOD to produce them.

But wait! May 8th is even better! A two hour special called “The Hooters Dream Girl Challenge” (the winner gets to keep her tips, so don’t laugh – this one’s for keeps!)

On April 24th they kick it all off with hour long specials “Hawaiian Tropic Intl. Beauty Pageant” and “Ujena Bikini Jam.” I’m not making this up.

A week later come two more hour specials. “America’s Trashiest Weddings” and “Body Doubles: Intl. Twins Search.

If any of you get MyNetworkTV can I come over? Especially on April 24th. By the way, MYNetworkTV is owned by Fox.

Oh wait…

There actually IS a station that carries it in LA? It must be way up on the dial, Channel 87 or something. Or is really licensed to San Bernardino.

Huh? Channel 13?! KCOP? One of LA’s original seven stations?

The station that used to carry the Dodgers now carries “Ujena Bikini Jam”? Seriously guys, take out an ad.

My only fear -- I hope the salacious nature of these shows doesn't tarnish the credibility of their news shows, featuring such hard-hitting journalists as Lauren Sanchez (also the host of SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE), Maria Quiban...

and Gigi Graciette.

Meanwhile, Elvis must be well in his 70's by now.

Next post: my weekly recap of AMERICAN IDOL. A few of you have asked why I bother? The reason: when I do I have more viewers than MyNetworkTV.


Anonymous said...

It popped up when UPN and WB merged.

Diane said...

My first crush - when I was about 4 - 5 years old was on Illya Kuryakin. To this day I have a soft spot for David McCallum.

Andrew Steven Harris said...

Since its inception MyNetworkTV has been showing American versions of "telenovas" (daily soap operas that run for 6-8 weeks each) in prime time. The last one starred Maria Conchita Alonzo, I think ("Saints & Sinners"). They had fairly respectable production values, especially for daily soaps.

About two weeks ago they announced that the format wasn't working, and that they'd be revamping their entire schedule. I suppose these type of T&A shows are what they came up with.

(And no -- I didn't watch them. But my mother-in-law had 'em on every night.)

VP81955 said...

MyNetwork TV has done a bizarre about face since its inception. Originally it ran prime-time, limited-run soaps, such as "Fashion House" with Morgan Fairchild and Bo Derek playing rival fashion magnates. (While neither of those ladies may be great actresses. both are brighter than they're given credit for, and it's a shame they couldn't find anything better than that.)

More recently it's dumped estrogen for testosterone, running ultimate fight competitions to go along with the upcoming "pageants" and celeb specials. The programming's just as mediocre, but it probably makes more sense for MyNetwork TV affiliates, many of which carry major-league games over the air when they're not on cable (e.g., WDCA-20 in Washington broadcasts about 30 Nationals games for those who can't get MASN, Peter Angelos' baby).

Anonymous said...

Ah, I used to love "The Man From UNCLE." The enemy organization was called THRUSH, so I guess you recognized the villains by the yucky fungus on their tongues.

Ian Fleming, in his last year, actually consulted on the development of it. The name of Robert Vaughn's character, Napolean Solo, came from Fleming. Solo was the name of an American gangster in Goldfinger. (The one who gets crushed in the car in the movie.)

In it's sister series, "The Girl From UNCLE," Boris Karloff guested one week as a villainess, "Mother Muffin", in his only drag role. Let me tell you, Boris Karloff was scarier in drag than he was as the Frankenstein monster.

Robert Vaughn, Brylcream and all, played Hamlet on stage at the Pasadena Playhouse one year. I remember the review in the LA Times. It said, "HAMLET is the easiest of Shakespeare's plays to produce well. All you need is a halfway decent actor playing Hamlet. Last night the Pasadena Playhouse opened a DREADFUL production of HAMLET."

When The Man From UNCLE was cancelled, it was replaced by a brand-new show in that time slot, a little something called "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In". It did well.

Anonymous said...

MyNetworkTV was quickly assembled by Newscorp after CBS and Warners decided to merge the two netlets and left a lot of former affiliates with no programming. (Most notably a lot of Newcorp owned stations) It will be interesting to see what Newscorp can do with it. They didn't have much time to put a new network together this season, (no doubt they exhausted their creative genius just coming up with the name of the new network) but I'd never bet against Murdoch.

But more importantly, Linda Sanchez, wife of CAA agent extraordinaire Patrick Whitesell, (but I'm sure that played no role in her getting the gig) is no longer host of "So You Think You Can Dance". Season 2 was hosted by Cat Deeley, who I believe will meet with your approval. Honestly Ken, I'm surprised you haven't kept up with the show. :-)

IQCrash said...

MyNetworkTV sounds like the sort of thing a group of guys came up over beers one night at a strip club.

I need to stop having meetings there before this happens to me.

Anonymous said...

They're going about it the wrong way. They should've done it the way Fox and UPN/WB did it. Ethnic programming for those mostly ignored ethnic viewers; then, reality programming and teeny-bopper soap operas to hook even more of those all important 18-49 year old viewers who got sucked in by the ethnic programming.

After that, you're in!


? said...

Oh I can't wait, Ken. It always promotes such healthy debate. I'll keep my mouth shut. I swear.

P.S. I hope to God and I am saying novenas on this, but I hope Sanjaya wins! It would be absolutely amazing!

Dan Kelley said...

Here in our area, there is a "My 18"...though I can't say I watch it much.

We even have another network: IonTV -
which I believe is the new name for the old Pax network. They run junk like "Mama's Place" and other assorted reruns. IonTV just did add "The Wonder Years" to their schedule...2 episodes every night at 10...something worth watching!

Murph said...

I have to watch and catalogue every single thing that airs on MyNetwork TV for my job.

My job?


Mary Stella said...

On April 24th they kick it all off with hour long specials “Hawaiian Tropic Intl. Beauty Pageant” and “Ujena Bikini Jam.” I’m not making this up.

This is the counter broadcasting offered to those who don't want to watch the big American Idol Gives Back special.

Diane said:
My first crush - when I was about 4 - 5 years old was on Illya Kuryakin. To this day I have a soft spot for David McCallum.

I had a crush on Robert Vaughn because of this show. I'm a little older than you, but both of us were still way in the jailbait category to crush on these men. *g*

D.McEwan said:
In it's sister series, "The Girl From UNCLE," Boris Karloff guested one week as a villainess, "Mother Muffin", in his only drag role. Let me tell you, Boris Karloff was scarier in drag than he was as the Frankenstein monster.

Maybe he wanted to compete with Bela Lugosi doing Glen or Glenda.

Ken, you have to keep doing AI recaps. I do mine on my blog and then come over to see if our impressions match up. Your recaps are always entertaining; sometimes more so than the actual performances.

Anonymous said...

This crapfest began airing in Anchorage, AK on the abovementioned date.

They started off airing 2 spectacularly awful nighttime TV soaps and dumped Veronica Mars.

I turned the dial and never went back.


Buttermilk Sky said...

Here in NYC they have Tyra Banks (Oprah for the illiterate) and some Yankee games. Also the IFL, which is either football or wrestling, I can't tell which. Maybe both.

Anonymous said...

"It popped up when UPN and WB merged."

So, IOW, MNT is a side effect?

Ironic, though, how some people only now discover it (after their original gameplan (for telenovelas proved a total disaster), and I've spent part of every day pretending it doesn't exist.

Anonymous said...

"Maybe he wanted to compete with Bela Lugosi doing Glen or Glenda."

Of course, Bela didn't do drag in "Glen or Glenda", it was Ed Wood in the Angora sweaters, and at the time of Karloff's appearance in "The Mother Muffin Affair", Bela had been dead for a decade, even assuming Boris has any competitive urges towards the man he always called "Poor Bela". (And I know you weren't being serious.)

Idiotic as it sounds, Boris wasn't playing a man in drag. He was playing a woman. Apparently every character actress on earth was booked that week.

Anonymous said...

The News Corp. people came up with the name MyNetworkTV because -- and this is high-paid marketing strategerie at work -- News Corp at the time was rolling on the buzz of their recently-purchased MySpace.com website, and thought by naming a TV Network in similar fashion, the kiddos would come-a-runnin' (if Rupert had decided to compete against CNN a decade later than he did, he no doubt would have started "MyNewsChannel" to lure all the teens away from their iPods to Brit Hume's show).

Since Fox already had a co-programming deal on dual VHF channels in New York (Ch. 5 and 9), and the UPN-WB merger was going to leave Ch. 11 there with the CW Network, and (mostly) UPN channels like WWOR in New York and UPNs in other cities without original programming, News Corp. stepped in to fill the void. The fact they filled it mostly with shows that were too unsophsticated to get on Fox doesn't bode well for MNT's future, but we'll see what they come up with after a full year of brainstorming.

Anonymous said...

Ken, first of all, this blog that you do is really great. Fun, insightful and a hoot to read daily.

I've found that you are behind a lot of my favorite episodes of "Cheers" and that makes me happy.

As far as MyNetworkTV, you MUST check out their "MyGamesFever" game show that runs here on the east Coast from 1-3 pm daily. They have four incredibly bland hosts that retrieve phone calls in this game show/sound effect vaudevillesque snorefest!

Anonymous said...

Interestingly enough, "My Games Fever" runs on the Fox station in Boston, but not on the MyNetwork station I discussed in my previous comment.

Anthony Strand said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I get the channel and knew about it long ago, when UPN and WB merged. It's channel 13 on basic Cox cable in San Diego. And you can stop by any time you like.

Anthony Strand said...

The other day, I saw a country music video show on MyLocalAffiliate, hosted by some old guy and a mildly attractive brunette. It was intensely bizarre and fascinating.

Dan Kelley - I was happy to see The Wonder Years back on TV. Man, what I wouldn't give for DVDs of that show with all the original music.

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, the MyNetwork 13 News! NEWSPORN!

And the news isn't "the good part of the porn" MyNetwork 13 News is all of that "plot", "dialogue" and "dramatic need" in between the sex.

I tune in when I need to kill brain cells, and alcohol will simply no longer do.

Dwacon said...

Didn't Sunmer Redstone beat them to the punch with his Spike cable network?

Anonymous said...

Why don't they just admit the obvious and call it the Cameltoe Network?