Sunday, April 01, 2007

Why our eyes wander... and where they go

It’s not our fault!

When a man is looking at a woman and his eyes drift downward do not be offended ladies, it’s how we were programmed.

No… really.

Thank God for the Nielsen/Norman group for uncovering this TRUTH. They conducting a study on Web site design and happened upon this monumental discovery. In tracking eye movement researchers had 255 men and women look at photos of other people. Men always snuck quick peeks at the subject’s crotch – even if the subject was another man.

When shown a photo of admittedly strapping George Brett (pictured right), women locked onto his face. Men couldn’t help checking out his package.

That CLICK you hear is every homophobe now logging off this site.

The study however, concluded that these peeks weren’t a sign of sexual attraction (in most cases… I mean, who are we kidding?). They were a natural response for men to check out the competition. (And just to put your mind at ease guys, he wore a cup.)

We men glance down when looking at a woman for the obvious disgusting reason but the key here is that it can’t be helped! Please consider that the next time you haul off and slap us into next Tuesday.

The survey continues:

Both groups were asked to look at photos of puppies on the American Kennel Club’s site. Women focused on the cute puppies’ big brown eyes. Men’s eyes STILL drifted south towards the dogs’ genitals.

So here are the conclusions I’ve arrived at: Somehow I feel vindicated..

and really creepy.

21 comments :

Barefoot Billy Aloha said...

...that explain the popularity of those ice skating shows...

Verily, I am, likewise, ashamed...

Anonymous said...

Have you ever seen sheep genitals? For the love of God, man...they hang all the way to the ground. They look painful. I was cringing.

I saw them at the Ohio State Fair.

You could see them from the skyride. Or go into the sheep tent. I did both.

Best Wishes From One Crotch Ogler To Another,

Seacrest, OUT!!!

Willy B. Good said...

I'm proud to be a horndog even if some daze can be ruff.

cheers
Monty

Anonymous said...

We spend 9 months trying to get out, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.

Mary Stella said...

As a National League and Phillies fan, I'd never paid much attention to George Brett, but then he was in pursuit of the .400 batting average and his handsome face was all over the place. I figured seeing him in action was just another bonus to my Phillies making it to the World Series in 1980 -- even though we planned to grind the Royals into the clay.

Unfortunately, poor George became known in that series not for his hitting prowess or his fielding skills, but for his hemmorhoids. You know he was hoping for a ring on his finger. Instead he ended up with one to sit on.

I don't know why guys get a bad rap for checking out women. It's not like we go through life and don't ogle you, too.

Anonymous said...

I call it 'spring-loaded neck syndrome'. Can't be helped. But when busted with the refrain"...My face is up here"

I don't move my head and say "I've made my choice."

eboydowen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eboydowen said...

puyawaywet,

Freaking hilarious.

I cannot wait to use that. Luckily, I have the libido/maturity 13-year-old, so I won't have to wait long.

L'Chaim,

E

Kelly J. Crawford said...

The awkward stare at my boobies while I'm speaking...yeah, most of male friends -- and numerous strangers -- do it to me all the time. Short of surgery, I can't really help being a 40-C but I'd really appreciate it if you guys would at least look in the general direction of my face while I'm talking to you. Thanks. ;-)

KJC

Anonymous said...

Will all due respect to Kelli J and her boobies...

I once did a story on the radio similar to this one...Later that night at home, the phone rings and a friend's incredibly well endowed wife is on the other end...no hello or anything...simply, "what color are my eyes?" And for the only time in my life when I needed an adlib, I came up with one: "You've got eyes?"

Tenspeed & Brownshoe said...

I for one would like to hear more about Kelly's boobs.

Kelly?

Anonymous said...

With all due respect to Kelly who, after checking out her webpage, seems to be a very talented and lovely woman, as to your request...

don't hold your breath.

Alaskaray

Anonymous said...

I once worked with a woman who was a crotch watcher. That's the first place her eyes would go if you walked up to her desk.

Quite flattering, actually, since I'm a grower not a shower and unaccustomed to that kind of attention.

Wasn't my imagination either 'cause I pointed it out to a couple of other guys there and they confirmed it through independent investigation.

Anonymous said...

How many times have I seen a dog being walked and thought, "Man, that pooch is HUNG!"? Well, never, actually. I was looking at the crotch of the guy walking the dog.

Barry Humphries character "Sir Les Patterson", a horny old horndog if ever there was one, routinely describes looking at a beautiful woman thusly, "Being a man, eventually my eyes wandered in the direction of her face. And if that's nice too, it's a bonus!"

Jesse Wendel said...

This reminds me of why one should always put the Sexual Harassment Forms in a lower drawer...

When they ask for a form, simply motion them to the drawer. And as they reach over to get it, check out their ass.

Diane said...

The only time I can really recall being a crotch watcher was when I worked w/ a man who always seemed to have a wet spot on his khaki chinos . . .

Kelly J. Crawford said...

What a thoroughly illuminating discusssion this has been! :-)

KJC

Anonymous said...

Men are very competitive by nature. They often check each other out. It's not a gay thing, they're just "sizing" each other up.

Anonymous said...

Diane said...

"The only time I can really recall being a crotch watcher was when I worked w/ a man who always seemed to have a wet spot on his khaki chinos . .

Alas, the reason I gave up, "going commando."

Anonymous said...

1-0

Anonymous said...

When a man is looking at a woman and his eyes drift downward do not be offended ladies, it’s how we were programmed.

I don't think anyone disputes men are programmed or have a natural inclination to look at breasts. That's not the issue.

The issue is social etiquette/politeness suggests men should stop themselves from looking (no matter how natural or how strong the urge) because it can be considered rude.

I'd read about the Nielsen/Norman group study before and found it interesting. But just for the record, men aren't the only people who look at genitalia.

I'm female and look at men's crotches. But, again, etiquette requires that I do it secretly because it's rude otherwise.

I also look at animal genitalia, not at all in a sexual way, but out of curiosity. If it's in front of me, I'm going to look, and animals don't get offended so no one cares.

And why do people keep saying George Brett is handsome? I don't see it.