Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Random snark

Sorry to see Gina go. Haley came very close. In order to survive next week she's going to have to show nipples. Next Tuesday I will BE at AMERICAN IDOL. I plan on crying so you may see me on camera. A full report will follow.

Ratings for AMERICAN IDOL have gone down this year. The Sanjaya travesty is beginning to take its toll. And getting hair tips from Diana Ross isn’t helping.

Meanwhile, LaKisha Jones is now selling Italian charm bracelet add-ons with her picture on them. Haley Scarnato pasties and tassels go on sale next week.

Tomorrow morning at 8:50 I will be on KNX radio in Los Angeles talking about AMERICAN IDOL. 1070 on your AM dial, if you even have an AM radio anymore.

Halle Berry recently got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. When you see these ceremonies you probably wonder, who is that little man who’s always there? That’s Johnny Grant. Former LA disc jockey now Hollywood’s Honorary Mayor who takes his salary in hugs and cheap thrills. He’s the uncle you’ve been threatening with a restraining order.

Other major stars who will receive theirs this year include Erik Estrada, Jerry Stiller, Mariah Carey (who can forget her performance in GLITTER?), Crystal Gayle, and local sportscaster Stu Nahan.

Among last year’s inductees: Nathan Lane, Vanna White, Judge Judy, local sportscaster Jim Hill, Motley Crue, Shecky Greene, and Wink Martindale.

But 2005 was the real banner year. Emilio Estevez, Fred Travalena, and Donald Duck.

Glad to hear NBC is renewing 30 ROCK. Maybe if they didn’t put it in the Thursday night death slot against GREY’S ANATOMY and CSI it might have a chance of attracting some viewers. If NBC really wants to launch 30 ROCK they should schedule it Monday night at 9:30… on CBS.

I plan on being the only blog on the internet not to do a Keith Richards snorting his father joke. I know it may cost me a coveted Weblog nomination but I’m going to take the high road on this one.

A headline from today's Sydney Morning Herald: Air Pacific says it has apologised to a young Japanese woman after a Fijian soldier urinated on her.

On Monday’s ESPN coverage of the Royals-Red Sox game, bumbling commentator Joe Morgan admitted he was wrong about something. It was a national E.F. Hutton moment. If you’re not familiar with Joe’s work, picture Randy Jackson calling a baseball game but less articulate.

I will miss Soledad O’Brien (pictured left) on CNN’s “American Morning”. She did such a great job of reading the news that I’d watch with the sound off and still enjoy her. When I become the Honorary Mayor of Hollywood she's the first person getting a star.

Barack Obama has raised more money than Hillary Clinton. $23.5 million to $20 million. In third place was LaKisha Jones with those charm bracelets.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for pointing out the utter ineptitude and banalities of ESPN's Joe Morgan. Frankly, he makes my head hurt.

Anonymous said...

And next week on American Idol: Sanjaya, as The Lady in the Tutti-Frutti Hat.

Anonymous said...

It's great to read Erik Estrada is finally getting his long overdue star. I think his current omission from the gum riddled landmark brings the credibility of the whole Walk of Fame into question.

I know from some experience that the qualification process for getting the star is very rigid. It goes something like this:

"How can I get a star on the Walk of Fame?"

"You got $5,000 dollars?"


"How's the first Tuesday in March?"

Back in my agency days they had a high profile producer who was getting a star. I remember the agency, his attorneys and maybe the studio split the cost. (I can't remember how much it was)

90% of the time the stars are miraculously unveiled to coincide with the release of the honorees latest movie, book, tv show, or in Erik Estrada's case, infomercial.

By the way, I like Soledad too. I bet not many people know she got started on a show called The Site for ZDTV, a cable network devoted to fulfilling the programing needs of computer nerds. Given their demographics, I'm sure for many viewers it was the first female they had seen in 20 years.

With any luck she'll be replaced by Sumi Das, another hottie who got her start on Fresh Gear, a nerd program for the now deceased Tech TV network.

If Sanjaya makes it past week 6 at Idol I predict the producers will have a Ted Nugent themed week and tell Ted to be sure and bring his long bow in case any of the performers annoy him with their weak vocal performance.

Tallulah Morehead said...

I shudder to think what Antonella will be selling on the Internet, but I bet it will be scratch 'n' sniff. And after you've sniffed it, you'll probably be doing a LOT of scratching!

As for Keith Richards' jokes (Speaking of scratch 'n' sniff), I've done enough of them on my flog for three people. And any road I take is a HIGH road.


Anonymous said...

It's useless to rail against the head-scratchingly incompetent Joe Morgan. I've had to settle for shaking a fist of anger uselessly at the TV when I see him.

On the other hand, Extra Innings has already paid for itself because I got to hear Vin Scully call the Dodgers-Brewers game last night. All is right with the world.

And surely you meant that auteur actor/director Emilio Estevez, not Estefan.

Anonymous said...

Just saw your credit on the Frasier ep where Niles tries to spice up his marriage by hiding in the linen closet naked (except for an eyepatch.) Maris takes off for Arizona and you, you dog, put Daphne in a nightie and maroon her in Niles' mansion. Funny stuff plus eye candy. Thanks for that.
I'm curious. Early in the series, was it in the show's biblical commandments that Niles and Daphne would push and pull but never get together?

The only show I can think of that put two people together off-screen (and immediately) was Dave and Lisa on News Radio. The story point for the series was when they'd finally break up for good rather than when they'd ever get together.

Niles and Daphne and Dave and Lisa all worked due to solid writing and formidable cast chemistry but each artistic choice has its dangers vis a vis holding viewers rapt.

No offence meant to Kelsey, BTW, but I frequently thought it should be called Niles instead of Frasier. Whenever David Hyde Pierce came on, we were stuck to the TV with Super Glue.

Unknown said...

I'd still rather watch Joe Morgan and Jon Miller than just about any other duo. I can't work up much hate for him, especially since I was a fan of the Big Red Machine and Tim McCarver is in much deeper need of a beating. Joe does seem increasingly sleepy during the games though.

Joe was better than quite a few analysts we had doing the local Reds TV broadcasts in the 80's. Johnny Bench and Tommy Hume were dreadful. At least Joe seems to occasionally be watching the game.

Channel 5 in Cincinnati carried the Reds games then, and Jerry Springer was the head anchor. He announced that "next years Reds games on Channel 5 will feature Joe Morgan as the colored, eh...color commentator."

The incident probably would still not make Jerry's top 100 most embarassing moments.

Mary Stella said...

I just had a flash for a skit with Joe Morgan and Tim McGarver as substitute judges with Paula on American Idol on the night Bob Dylan or Keith Richards acts as mentor.

Keith could snort Sanjaya's hair but the strands would reach down his breathing passage and choke him.

Anonymous said...

Joe Morgan's take on winning back-to-back-to-back World Series titles:

"The hardest part of winning three World Series is winning the first two."

Indeed Joe. Indeed.

Anonymous said...

>>On Monday’s ESPN coverage of the Royals-Red Sox game, bumbling commentator Joe Morgan admitted he was wrong about something. It was a national E.F. Hutton moment.>>

Especially since the night before the esteemed Mr. Morgan cried out "oh no!" TWICE as a Cardinal grounded into a rally-killing, inning-ending double play.

Perhaps it's time for ESPN to have Morgan follow its other high-profile primetime anaylst named Joe (Monday Night Football's Theismann) out the door.

Barefoot Billy Aloha said...

I miss Dizzy Dean and Pee Wee Reese in the booth. Put Yogi in there, too.

Inarticulation is integral to the character of baseball, like spitting and scratching.

rob! said...

i absolutely L-O-V-E "30 Rock" and hope NBC keeps it around for a while.

i find watching that show pure joy--its very funny, but the whole style of it is so snappy and fast-paced that i find i watch each week's episode more than once, like i did with that show set in a bar...

LouOCNY said...

If you want to see people tear Morgan OR McCarver apart, go to one of the many forums where baseball umpires post - there you will find point by point discussions of both of their ignorance of the rule book

Anonymous said...

Worked with Johnny Grant some years back ... sad little man who only has the Hollywood Star ceremonies now that the Hollywood Christmas Parade is history. Lives in a penthouse they gave him at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. Still thinks that Jane Russell and Jummy Stewart are the number one b.o. stars...
Erik Estrada ... Vanna White ... Judge Judy. Wow, now I know why they call it the "Hollywood Walk of Fame"!
And Ken, enough about American Idol. So sad what passes for entertainment today.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know why Sam Jackson is in the background of Halle Berry's picture?

Not that I was looking at him.

Or his crotch.

I was checking out Halle all the way.


Diane said...

I, too, LOVE 30 Rock. I had downloaded a couple of episodes to watch on my iPod while travelling. I was laughing so hard watching the episode with Paul Reubens as Prince Gerhardt, while sitting at the Salt Lake City airport, I thought they'd call in the authorities. The show is consistently one of the very best on TV.

Anonymous said...

Agreed on "30 Rock". Have seen only one ep so far, but it felt like a jug of ice water in the desert, compared to most of what passes for comedy these days.

Back to Baseball....

Ken, you know these people better than I do, but I've always liked Ed Farmer doing White Sox games, expecially when he was paired with John Rooney (who's also very good)
He got stuck with a beginner last year after Rooney split for St. Louis, but pair him with a vet, and it's like listening in on a conversation in a bar. Same thing when Don Drysdale and Hawk Harrelson were paired together back in the early 80's. I know Hawk's on e of those guys who you either love or hate, but I like the schtick.

Anonymous said...

I'm just waiting for the "Dream Team" baseball pairing of Joe Morgan as color commentator with John Sterling as play-by-play announcer. Then I'll wait for the police report that's filed when they go at it sometime prior to the seventh inning stretch (we previously came oh-so-close to a McCarver-Sterling pairing when both were on the Yankees broadcast team, but George keeps his radio and TV teams quarantined away from each other, so the Clash of the Titanic Egos never happened).

BTW -- When they do new building construction along the Hollywood Walk of Fame, do any of the stars ever get replaced by an air-conditioning grating or new sewer manhole?

Anonymous said...

Heh, you forced me to delurk at the mention of Stu Naham. Back in the *mumble* '60s, he had a children's show here in the Philly area: Captain Philadelphia. (What, you thought it would be Captain Cleveland??)

Broadcast on UHF - on channel 48, to be precise - it was a mixture of live studio action and cartoons. There was a daily "studio audience" (a passel of motley kids), and you had to "know someone" to be included. In addition to viewing the production and providing the requisite applause, audience members were also enlisted to participate in Very Important Segments like "Riddle of the Day". I think my grandfather must have "known someone" (but it could have been the janitor ... we're not exactly talking a high-profile show here!); my cousins and I somehow made it on-air for an episode. My tv debut was notable for my emotive delivery of the classic riddle "What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?".

Wonder if Stu will mention his stint in Philly in his speech? He was also a sports announcer here, but he will always be Captain Philadelphia to me!

Great blog, Ken - stopping by here has become a part of my daily routine, and I thank you for the welcome diversion! (Hey, I even enjoy your AI snark!) I've even become a fan of sorts of many of the "regulars" who post comments here; it's wonderful to have such a diverse collection of witty, insightful, snarky, and literate souls in one place on the web. Just being in their midst (and yours) is like being one of the "cool kids".

Anonymous said...

I love 30 Rock also. After the Nathan Lane episode, my friends and I have been naming our fists. Mine are Stan & Ollie.

One friend of mine named his Dolly & Mame. Those are fighting fists.

Tallulah's right fist is vodka. Her left is Tonic. Needless to say, she's right-handed.

Anonymous said...

Time to get a new fence?

(don't leave us hanging)

Speaking of which and of naming body about that guy who had the wrong ball cut out...Poor Larry, and Norman's gone, too!)

Anonymous said...

Back to Idol...

One word for Michael Buble...


(Sinatra was naturally cool. This guy force-feeds it. This will be the most junior high-ish thing I've said in years, but he doesn't look as cool as he acts. He looks... like a dork.) He's got Carson Daly-itis -- A strange looking guy with a voice that isn't all that great who thinks he's a lot cooler than he is. Okay I'm starting to sound full of venom now.

Workman said...

I, too, am in love with 30 Rock. It is one of the funniest shows on TV right now. I assume that means it's doomed.

And what exactly is happening to Soledad O’Brien?

Unknown said...

Sounds like lots of people here would be interested in this site, one of my favorites, which focuses on railing on bad sportscasting, especially Joe.

Anonymous said...

Keith Richard's people retracted all that stuff about him snorting his own father's ashes.

However, when asked if Keith ever rolled and smoked his mother's ashes they replied "no comment".

Anonymous said...

Re Keith Richards:

When a publicist retracts a celebrity's remark the next day, you know what that means.

He really did do it.

Anonymous said...

As a baseball player, and some one who understands the game at a higher level then most who comented below me, I love when Joe Morgan and Jon Miller team up to call a game.