Friday, December 05, 2008

The Daffy Definition Kontest

PUNHARRI: The ancient ritual of killing bad jokes

I think we have another contest. You guys have come up with some great definitions based on your comment verification codes. For those who don’t read the comments, you’re missing out. Some great stuff in there. (And don’t think I’m threatened because some of you sons a bitches are funnier than I am.)

But your definitions are just too good not to be rewarded. So in the spirit of the Komedy Kontest, I’m hereby starting another competition. The best word verification daffy definition. Since it’s luck of the draw what the combination of letters will be for you I think it’s only fair to keep the initial entry period open longer than the Komedy Kontest. So phase one will end at 9:00 PM PST on Thursday. That gives you six days.

Like before, I will have someone else select the top five and you guys will vote for the final winner. Better to hate someone you don't know rather than me.

Yeah, yeah”, you’re saying, “But what the hell do I WIN? It better be GREAT!”

It will be hard to top the Komedy Kontest grand prize -- a signed AfterMASH script – but I think I’ve done it.

The winner of the Daffy Definition Kontest will receive…

Are you ready?

A signed copy of MIDNIGHT, one of our very best unproduced pilots! Talk about rare! Talk about special! Talk about a show that should have been made! This one is it! And it includes the official Paramount Studios script cover, just like the one rejected by CBS.

Some Kontest rules:

Enter as many times as you’d like.

You must give your name.

You’re on the honor system. But judges have the right to throw out any entry they feel is not legitimate.

Please do not comment on other entries until the final five are chosen.

Decision of the judges is final.

You must be a citizen of some country in order to apply. Doesn't have to be the US but some country.

You are not required to listen to my Sunday night radio show from 7-10 PST on Talkradio 790 KABC even though it streams live on the internet.

Best of luck, everyone. Let the punharri begin!

801 comments :

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Kirk said...

appedis: an insulted colon

Anonymous said...

GENESPAT

An argument between your dad's DNA and your mother's DNA.

Kirk said...

nonmod: Twiggy, post-60s

Kirk said...

inedec: drunk on word verification

Anonymous said...

COMESS

1. How a male snake makes little snakes.

2. When two people create chaos.

Kirk said...

agnonali: someone who's not sure whether Cassius Clay exists or not

Anonymous said...

BIREEDS

Oboes and clarinets that like both genders.

Kirk said...

cratall: a volcano on the moon

Kirk said...

inedness: when a talking horse has his name legally changed

Anonymous said...

ABLEMEGO

What the slaves said to Lincoln.

Kirk said...

chafts: a web site for talking wheat

Kirk said...

cougist: a mountain lion that believes in the abolition of private property

Anonymous said...

TABRAN

What Sam Malone did for Norm in the past

Anonymous said...

POTSKE

What Russian hippies smoke.

Anonymous said...

NEDEPERM

The condition of a woman's hair after getting caught in the rain.

Anonymous said...

COSECT

What married vivisectionists do.

Kirk said...

Ophelly: Hamlet's hillbilly girlfriend

Kirk said...

birlib: an emancipation movement that counted both Perry Mason and Ironside as members

Anonymous said...

aplen -

When aplenty just isn't on the table.

Anonymous said...

reccurph -

The word Candice Bergen gave herself when she would frequently wake up and think that Murphy Brown was still on the air.

Anonymous said...

irmin -

A small gnomish creature that served as muse to many Borscht Belt comics back in the day. Usually he recieved very little pay which included a two dollar bill and a catalog of Shabbos paraphernalia. He was not pleased.

Anonymous said...

fluinsing -

The act of eating at a restaurant in Little Ethiopia with the goal of getting out of work for at least two days.

Kirk said...

raties: what the well dressed rodent wears

Anonymous said...

amocitum -

An ancient Roman plaza built just to give people a place to run amuck. The Roman empire fell shortly thereafter.

Kirk said...

clacid: LSD taken by dead, white males

Anonymous said...

weemies: What you call midgets that swear revenge on you

Anonymous said...

liard - an untrustworthy Scottish landowner

Anonymous said...

peabove. What you don't want to look up and see as you leave a building.

Anonymous said...

penspec - what you do when no studio or network will hire you.

Eric Curtis said...

Chiacke: Commonly used verification word for a porn site.

Anonymous said...

boapedds - snakes with feet

Anonymous said...

ingsnal -

A word used similarly to pig latin by Pontius Pilat that was half mumbled and whispered to a gaurd that meant "begin the nailings" as to not offend his visiting momma Paula Pilat.

Anonymous said...

javaillo - steel wool pad for removing coffee stains

The Milner Coupe said...

Vitchi - How my wife Varvara acts if I've drank too much veer.

H Johnson

Anonymous said...

hicizess - toothless female vampire who sucks necks anyway

Eric Curtis said...

nesser: Sex between two large people in a body of water in Scotland.

Anonymous said...

spids - bits of food that fly out of your mouth when you try to talk and eat a potato at the same time

Anonymous said...

commiti -

A committee for girls who spell their names as thus: Traci, Juli, Judi, Stephani, Lindsi, Ali, Tami. They are also all whores.

Kirk said...

subil: Quenton Taritino's latest movie. David Carridine is seved with a lawsuit.

The Milner Coupe said...

Cheednes - The act of being as one with Don Cheadles

as in: Obama is the Cheednes!


H Johnson

Kirk said...

cilica: Where all the porn stars live

Anonymous said...

laimb - young sheep with a limp

Anonymous said...

kathe -

A catheter for Kids!

The Milner Coupe said...

grate - profound disappointment;opposite of great.

as in: Oh grate, my word verification is a real word.

H Johnson

Anonymous said...

mencries: What happens after every airing of "Brian's Song"

Anonymous said...

omouse: what you should never hear from somebody alone with a mouse

Anonymous said...

jachi -

Scarface's favorite Happy Days character.

Kirk said...

bilis: telling a falsehood twice

DougJ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

wisho: a magical whore in a bottle

Kirk said...

mundenai: disagreeing when someone calls you boring

DougJ said...

ameth: Used in conclusion when praying for a bountiful methamphetamine crop.

Frequently heard shouted from the mobile homes and tool sheds of Riverside County, CA.

Anonymous said...

hypoose -

When Sarah Palin goes into Moose killing overdrive.

Anonymous said...

baloging - blogging when you're full of baloney (not implying anything about Ken!)

Kirk said...

distsitt: an insult directed at someone who refuses to stand.

Anonymous said...

orman -

Someone I can't stand who has their own show whose repugnance is exceeded only by Nancy Grace.

Anonymous said...

hablu - talking diry in Spanish (as in, why do all these young Mexican comics have to work hablu?)

The Milner Coupe said...

unscanti - my wife's winter pj's

as in - Where the hell is it? Your nightie is way unscanti!

H Johnson

Anonymous said...

inazza:

Where O.J. is gonna get it...

Anonymous said...

misib -

1. A goombah's pronunciation of "missive". As in: "Ayy! Nicky you send dat misib yet? Well whaddafuck ya doing? You bedda stop ogglin' my sista or Ima gonna pop you one right in ya nose. Ahh whaddaya good for? Nothin'. I send dat misib myself. I love ya Nicky. Like my own brotha. Mmwah!

2. A turkish curry dish with rib meat.

The Milner Coupe said...

ankme - what happens to a teenager who listens to Nirvana while eating french fries.

H Johnson

Anonymous said...

pomidsc - Pomidsc me to introdoosk myslefk - I'm Popeye.

Hey, you do what you can with what you're given.

The Milner Coupe said...

athsspec - A visual aid for near-sighted Bruth of San Francisco

H Johnson

Alice said...

Bedan: The substance produced by a man's body that renders him completely unable to understand how bad a menstrual cramp can hurt.

Anonymous said...

dinse - aftereffect of brainwashing

The Milner Coupe said...

nonpf - (noun) - masculine

as in: I don't know about Cruise, but Pitt is definitely a nonpf.

H Johnson

Unknown said...

Prelick- The process by which you are about to eat a dripping ice cream cone.

Anonymous said...

flogada - fleet of ships manned by sadists

Anonymous said...

Conal - /ko-nahl/ (n.) 1. - Cone like.

(jeez, why couldn't I get a better captchs?)

The Milner Coupe said...

1. undenti - Italian for mushy spaghetti

2. undenti - How P. Hilton described her car after getting it back from the shop.

H Johnson

Anonymous said...

Suptows - The art of towing something with your ass.

Anonymous said...

facktz - What Joe Friday goes looking for in the hood.

Anonymous said...

garrecat - to strangle a feline

Sheesh, this is addictive. I can't imagine what the post count will be come Thursday.

The Milner Coupe said...

Makende - What Nelson Mandela calls Ken Levine.

H Johnson

Anonymous said...

Fockillu - gangster contraction.

Anonymous said...

ectal - type of thermometer for poltergeists

Anonymous said...

Appia -

Johnny Appleseed's family name before they emigrated to the U.S.

Anonymous said...

Natedle - A special spoon just for Nate.

Anonymous said...

calik -

The inextricable desire to taste California.

Anonymous said...

Cotact - The result of spelling the word "contact" while not wearing any.

Anonymous said...

chaulatu -

The Hawaiian phrase for "Would you like a water chestnut?"

Anonymous said...

Vivisms - The wit and wisdom of Vivian Vance.

Anonymous said...

ababur -

An upholstery material made from woven strands of Barbara Streisand's hair. Only sold in Scottsdale and select cities is Belize.

Anonymous said...

barpro - that flashy blonde that just asked if you'd like to buy her a drink

The Milner Coupe said...

Natesses - A whole bunch of Nathans

H Johnson

Anonymous said...

warope -

A device used unsuccessfully by President George W. Bush to escape the embarassment.

The Milner Coupe said...

Gerco - An underground corporation that supplies small rodents to the gay community.

H Johnson

Anonymous said...

imetr - new device from Apple for helping you keep track of all your other Apple devices

The Milner Coupe said...

immetan - What Britney says after gittin' outta the booth.

H Johnson

Anonymous said...

hortat - shorthand for that display of ink where a woman's lower back meets her buns.

As Vince Vaughn said in Wedding Crashers - "It might as well be a target."

Anonymous said...

shnostup -

A term used exclusively by Mel Brooks to describe sex in Minnesota in the heart of winter.

The Milner Coupe said...

oxbert - Who pulls Dilbert's wagon?

H Johnson

The Milner Coupe said...

joilizer - The weapon used to pull men away from Jennifer Aniston.

H Johnson

Anonymous said...

Subjugma - difficult situation in which the only options are either shouting the word "submarine" or playing "Turkey in the Straw" with a whiskey jug.

Anonymous said...

Algaski - Alaska's younger, less attractive cousin

Anonymous said...

bilict:

Ménage à trois act (illegal in most states) which earned a porno rating for this blog.


Somebody stop me...

Eric Curtis said...

Obston: town mostly for it's famous bar Hceers

Anonymous said...

balliev

relying on the power of prayer only when the outcome of a sporting event is on the line

Anonymous said...

CALFSCI

The scientific study of young cows.

Anonymous said...

"Terfu" The time all the termites go home.

Anonymous said...

Clamero - Chevrolet's ill-fated attempt at an amphibious vehicle.

Anonymous said...

CUTARS

Guitars with Razor-sharp strings.

Anonymous said...

Oveys: yiddish brand of bladder protection products

Anonymous said...

PSYCO

What you have left after you tell Norman Bates to "Get the H out of here!"

Anonymous said...

spagnati

members of the Vatican's secret society since the Middle Ages that covertly influences all western nations to eat spaghetti

Anonymous said...

bojor -

A French erection.

Anonymous said...

rativena: a prayer said to the god of rodents.

Anonymous said...

Spookjju: a martial art for ghosts

Anonymous said...

hylie:

A greeting to your friend, Lee.

Anonymous said...

garge: where you keep your cr.

Anonymous said...

MOSKI
Title of Spike Lee movie about Bode Miller

Anonymous said...

nomic -

Something that is nameish.

Anonymous said...

pretingu: the first symptom of the clap.

Anonymous said...

hessids -

Former Hasidic Jews who still enjoy a good humantash.

Chip said...

Crount - 1. The seminal act in a coronation. "And, yea, did the Pope then place the circlet atop her head, and thus the new queen was crount."

2. Vulgar Slang for a particular part of the female body, also known as "prussy".

Anonymous said...

comer:

A girl you want to sleep with.

Anonymous said...

dyingfwn -

1. A dying faun.
2. A dying phone.
3. A dying sense of fun.
4. Something Gary Busey laughs as he demolishes a Color Me Mine store with a Cocker Spaniel.

Anonymous said...

latert:

Something you are not going to do nowt.

Anonymous said...

unflat -

Jennifer Lopez.

Anonymous said...

creedn -

The act of writing music just as crappy as the music of creed.

Anonymous said...

oates -

Is nothing without Hall.

Anonymous said...

Imenim -

The indie rap name of Eminem before he went all "commercial".

Toby O'B said...

Pentl - Bartleby the Scrivener's Jewish grandmother

Anonymous said...

strollus:

The first name of the nanny who took Julius Ceasar's infant for a walk.

Anonymous said...

tancestr:

Hey! I just found out George Hamilton is one of my great uncles thrice removed!

Bee

Anonymous said...

mulap: a unit of distance defined by the ground covered when a cow runs once around the edge of the pasture

Anonymous said...

Debra;

What I unsuccessfully tried to do to all those girls, in the back seat of my car, when I was in high school.

Anonymous said...

ebech:

ebay's apathetic cousin

Bee

Anonymous said...

Supagal - favorite comic book heroine of working class Italian-Americans.

Anonymous said...

prock - totally useless hybrid of two words that already mean the same thing anyway

Anonymous said...

immin -

Something that is so imminent that...you get it. You're a smart bunch.

Anonymous said...

proofsho - /pro-of-sho/ (n.) similar to best in show, but for tne AVN Adult Film Awards.

Anonymous said...

Tatercon - The reason all the hotels in Boise are booked this weekend.

Anonymous said...

mirrhos -

Shiny prostitutes.

Anonymous said...

Slymens -

A fashion brand for only the best date rapists.

kinipela92 said...

Enurize

verb; slang;

to pass or discharge urine in a continuous manner

From the Greek "enourin" meaning "to urinate in."

Coined after a failed venture by Energizer to cross market with hospitals by advertising on medical supplies. Photos of the energizer bunny staring up at you from your bedpan spawned hospital staff to refer to full bedpans as the 'urine that just keeps going and going and going...'

Anonymous said...

Opicidne

Never produced screenplay from 1973 wherein the kid from the Andy Griffith show tunes in, drops out and moves from Maybury to (Height) Ashbury.

After one too many tabs of acid - he strolls down the on the Golden Gate bridge, and thinking he sees that big ol' catfish that had always eluded his and his Pa's hook, jumps to his untimely death.

Alas for the producers, Ron Howard backed out, deciding he wanted to take his career down a more commercial route.

MirrorJames said...

Undowni: The replacement word for 'up' after several generations of inbreeding.

Anonymous said...

puglus -

Slang term for sexy Walter Matthau.

MirrorJames said...

Goets: Extremely literary goats.

Anonymous said...

andee -

A pretentious asshole named Andy.

Nathan said...

spookjju:

One of my Hebrew Brethren working undercover in Djibouti or a similar posting.

Anonymous said...

poonden -

Where all the lovin' happens. Come on. It wrote itself.

Anonymous said...

nosig -

F. Murray Abraham's college nickname.

Anonymous said...

simptor -

Someone who causes symptoms.

Anonymous said...

vrosthee -

Governor Schwarzenegger's dessert.

Anonymous said...

pulpati -

A party on the pulpit and all the choir boys are invited.

Anonymous said...

maties -

Gay pirate comrades.

Anonymous said...

corys -

The term used to describe a washed up 80's child actor who was not missed suddenly thrown back into the spotlight for no reason whatsoever.

Anonymous said...

domulys -

The world famous groupies of the one the only master of the arts and lovemaking...Dom DeLuise.

Anonymous said...

throcrop - a food fight down on the farm.

Anonymous said...

afing -

A thing. Something. Anything. But it must come from Jersey.

Anonymous said...

gesch -

Sean Connery's response when asked who has drank more goat urine him or Stacy Keach.

Anonymous said...

mentell -

Montel Williams retarded brother, am I right folks! Hazzah!

Anonymous said...

NAMBLESB - little known lesbian chapter of NAMBLA. They're not into man-boy love, of course, but they're against gender discrimination of any kind. So they sued to get in.

Anonymous said...

Refero - Mexican marijuana

Anonymous said...

barsen - The criminal act of lighting your own farts.

Anonymous said...

hapan: Spanish for Japan.

Anonymous said...

truca: A brotha Teamsta
(and Cap'n Bob, we're astat as we can be.)

Anonymous said...

ticle: a very small facial twitch

Anonymous said...

Cometi: What the Yeti tried to get his wife to do last night

Unknown said...

Chext- A new breakfast cereal.

Anonymous said...

uncat: wearable cat underwear

Anonymous said...

capsess: how one rates a good drive-by shooting

Anonymous said...

hytizips: What Heidi Fleiss does in your lap after she does that other thing in your lap.(Fastidious to a fault.)

Anonymous said...

ravon: Roger Ebert suggesting that Michael Medved would do well to just stick with additional right wing talk radio. Medved's reply: "Nevermore."

The Milner Coupe said...

shalla - The first word to 7,863 late 50s and early 60s songs.

H Johnson

Mary Stella said...

prion: door bouncer at a Star Trek Convention

Mary Stella said...

Schari

How I look the day after a tequila bender. Downright schari.

Mary Stella said...

phottoro

A picture so airbrushed it's pure bull

Anonymous said...

Nobwool: How they give handjobs in Kiev.

Anonymous said...

Phoss - /foss/ (n.) Floss for people with cleft palates.

Anonymous said...

TANSANDR: shirtless woodworker.

Anonymous said...

NEENTHRA: Mothra before pupation.

Anonymous said...

inque -

A term used to describe the moment a woman's vagina is ready.

Anonymous said...

eliquarg: An elegant burp or upchuck.

Anonymous said...

tebunhag - /tay-bun-hagg/ (n.) A girl who hangs around with tebuns because their non-hetero personalities don't make her feel threatened and they have an uncanny ability to match blouses with shoes.

Anonymous said...

preusas -

The Greek God of pre-owned vehicles.

Anonymous said...

acketr - /ack-et-err/ (n.) Instrument used to strike tennis balls at a dyslexic tennis tournament.

MirrorJames said...

Crownify: The process of inaugurating a new King or Queen.

Anonymous said...

culff -

It's uh...like a gulf. Except for the water. And, uh, the U shaped shoreline. It's uh...it's...actually it isn't like a gulf in any way. I don't know why I said that. I don't know what it is. Sorry 'bout that.

MirrorJames said...

Poundop: An opportunity for some poundin'.

Anonymous said...

readongl - /ree-dong-uhl/ (v.) Action taken when one's girlfriend is not satisfied with a single dongling in a night.

Anonymous said...

hellytie -

Not just a bad tie. The WORST kind of tie. An evil tie.

MirrorJames said...

Mingn: The act of picking up unattractive people.

Anonymous said...

monies:

Old timey gangster speak for money.

Also a slang term getting the munchies on a Monday.

Anonymous said...

idipityp:
A disease causing the infected to pity the fool and pity him hard.

MirrorJames said...

Oveness: What you call the oven once it makes you its bitch.

MirrorJames said...

Fatlex: Lex Luther's nickname at 75.

MirrorJames said...

Gforce: What Kirk showed the Orion Slave Girls.

MirrorJames said...

Epicant: What the Orion Slave Girls said about Kirk behind his back.

MirrorJames said...

Tedonch: An unused graphic from the Batman TV series.

MirrorJames said...

Opreh: The Original Oprah Winfrey Tribute Show!

MirrorJames said...

Shnesat: An enthusiastic compliment. Ken Levine is the shnesat.

Eric Curtis said...

inorit: What a wife expects her husband to do when she makes a mistake.

Eric Curtis said...

soldel: When a man or woman loves their Dell computer so much they swear off any future relationships.

Eric Curtis said...

jawkifin: Sexual act preformed on a fish or dolphin that is normally considered illegal (AK, VT, KY and HI not applicable) unless said fish or dolphin is considered an endangered species.

Anonymous said...

shouil

An expression of disbelief that someone will actually do something. Example: "You're all going to vote for this as the funniest definition? Sho u il!"

Anonymous said...

OK, is this the part where we go all Katherine Heigly, and also take ourselves out of the running -- not because we've previously gone home with a statuette, but because our own word verification writing staff isn't giving us anything as good to work with this season as Bosley, blogward, James and Morris?
Or are we allowed to keep rejecting word verifiers until we get better material?

In the words of Jerry Lewis, this has me going all plearnm. Ephing plearmn!!!

Anonymous said...

quitut: how to fire someone like an Egyptian

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