PUNHARRI: The ancient ritual of killing bad jokesI think we have another contest. You guys have come up with some great definitions based on your comment verification codes. For those who don’t read the comments, you’re missing out. Some great stuff in there. (And don’t think I’m threatened because some of you sons a bitches are funnier than I am.)
But your definitions are just too good not to be rewarded. So in the spirit of the Komedy Kontest, I’m hereby starting another competition. The best word verification daffy definition. Since it’s luck of the draw what the combination of letters will be for you I think it’s only fair to keep the initial entry period open longer than the Komedy Kontest. So phase one will end at 9:00 PM PST on Thursday. That gives you six days.
Like before, I will have someone else select the top five and you guys will vote for the final winner. Better to hate someone you don't know rather than me.
“Yeah, yeah”, you’re saying, “But what the hell do I WIN? It better be GREAT!”
It will be hard to top the Komedy Kontest grand prize -- a signed AfterMASH script – but I think I’ve done it.
The winner of the Daffy Definition Kontest will receive…
Are you ready?
A signed copy of MIDNIGHT, one of our very best unproduced pilots! Talk about rare! Talk about special! Talk about a show that should have been made! This one is it! And it includes the official Paramount Studios script cover, just like the one rejected by CBS.
Some Kontest rules:
Enter as many times as you’d like.
You must give your name.
You’re on the honor system. But judges have the right to throw out any entry they feel is not legitimate.
Please do not comment on other entries until the final five are chosen.
Decision of the judges is final.
You must be a citizen of some country in order to apply. Doesn't have to be the US but some country.
You are not required to listen to my Sunday night radio show from 7-10 PST on Talkradio 790 KABC even though it streams live on the internet.
Best of luck, everyone. Let the punharri begin!
788 comments :
«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 600 of 788 Newer› Newest»comang: the opposite of leavang
lessigge - /less-igg-ee/ (adj.) A description of the Stooges performing alone.
laughth - what you want to hear when you tell joketh.
multio - what I gave your woman last night
Theerfix --- English translation of the German 'Die Erfix'
sateri
A scathing form of parody only appreciated by dyslexics.
nipwongz:
Sex act favored by virgins.
Also, alternative for men with vagina phobias.
skansi:
Eye test sometimes administered by a drunk optometrist.
pollpla:
(n) A lively German dance performed by campaign poll workers
hymimpac - attempted deflowering
misbedn: post-coital regret. "After his divorce, Steve was surprised to discover that feelings of misbedn are not just experienced by young men in their 20s. So, he quietly chewed his arm off and tried not to leave a trail of blood to his car."
hazesti (n.) Hungarian toast,cf. 'Cheers!'. Literally translated as 'Hairs on your chest!'
guisans (n.) French for 'fanny farts'.
teptin (n.) Household cleaning product now banned after it was found to dissolve tooth enamel.
Phing:
Michael Caine's penis
Kardeno:
Cramp in the arch of the foot.
poonions:
Shotgun weddings.
Playboom:
The Bush Administration
Imendeb:
The American consumer.
Comblat: The part in combat where your enemies go "splat".
gordst; brand name of a spray used to clean pumpkins, squash, etc.
worinol: Prescription drug for people who are addicted to this contest. Use: "I did about a hundred of these before my wife made me take some worinol."
Bidevedr
What the secret service calls the new VP after karaoke night.
H Johnson
brabi - Two brazierres
H Johnson
ousta - how a New England native refers to someone being thrown out
DEROOTRA: Medical chart notation recording inappropriate and enthusiastic expression of joy from patient at digital/anal penetration during a prostate exam.
Yes, it creeps out your doctor, but somehow when it happens, it makes us want to perform the palpation procedure again and again.
anardne - the opposite of ardne
Phali - /FA-lee/ (n.) Balinese phallus. Both singular and plural.
(and then, after THAT one failed)
Larap - Hip hop music in Spain.
PS If I get that script AND get it made, I promise to hire you.
TALLOG: noun, technical plumbing term for a stool in a stopped up toilet that maintains its structural integrity (due to high fiber content) and so stands erect as an island emerging from water.
LOCAR: car dealership slang for a small, cheap, efficient vehicle meant for short trips between grocery store, mistress' apartment and home. Now the staple product of the US auto industry.
See also: "European" and "Japanese Import"
equence: the skill pertaining to the ability of composing voluble emails.
phall: phallic fail; flatt batteries in a vibrator.
FOUTSMER: Norwegian term for a yogic foot fetishist's medical condition. In North America, it is commonly referred to as Athlete's Armpit.
CORIFY: Television production slang for a script made abominable by too close a resemblance in plot, look or acting to shows that included two 80s teen heartthrobs, Corey Feldman...and the other one.
NJCOP* - A high-throughput doughnut consumption device.
* I swear I got this word.
lathea - part of a woman's anatomy designed to cut, shape or otherwise treat "wood." Ouch.
strated - the act of converting homesexuals into heterosexuals
HIOFFGA: To pass another hopeless nameless wage drone in a hallway several times a day and give him or her some meaningless acknowledgement (nod, wave, smile, thumbs up, salute, raspberry) every damned time you pass each other.
As in "If I have to hioffga that intern from accounting one more time today I'm going to staple his eyebrows together!"
PERYOT: Fashion statement which states "I'm a peryot," from the Latin meaning "I'm a motherless slut." For instance, sporting a black bra over top of a white t-shirt at your nephew's baptism.
(Damn this contest is addictive.)
slumpar - a bad streak in golf
creello - a traditional gelatin mold dessert among the Cree Indians; there's always room for Creello!
proagges: Texas A&M football fans.
How about we limit people to two a day?
SINGEDO
English: Funky clubber haircut using flaming whiskey shooters.
Japanese: An exhortation to karaoke singers to stand and deliver another rousing Barry Manilow song.
NETINES:
(pronounced net-tennis)
French term for a fiercely tingling scrotum following too many hours on a bike in the Tour de France. (Also applies to fans' tingling balls after watching too much of said event.)
Cure: one vicious kick per ball.
HOTATER
noun. A very attractive woman in Idaho.
Ingshia: The ending of Shia LaBeouf career when Hollywood finally figures out he has no talent.
veriesty: Where kids that rode the short-bus go for higher education.
Hyphilic - /hi-PHIL-ick(v.)Spontaneous congratulatory genital contact, usually occurring during sporting events.
joymphea: Tha ability to pick discarded clothes from the floor with one's toes and tossing them up in the air to catch with one hand so that the person doesn't have to lean down to pick them up.
(alt.) The teenager in charge of spiking the punch with alcohol.
Sorahsin: The act of stapling someone's eyebrows together, mostly ocurring after a too many hioffgas.
With my compliments to @Razor Rob
INESPING
The sound of a chiropractic adjustment to the neck going terribly, horrifically wrong.
LAWST is what happens when someone sucessfully sues and bankrupts you in a nuisance suit that should never have gone before the witless judge in the first place (after an unfortunate inesping, for instance.)
As in "I lawst the suit to the guy in the iron lung. Shoulda won."
syciali:
A cialis knockoff specifically for dyslexics.
arbidali:
properly melted cheese on a roast beef sandwich. Also known as the Persistence of Cheddar.
ingiggr (in /gig/ er):
To induce a reaction in a letch through an unintended double-entendre.
bonus preview CAPTCHA:
bersa (/bur/ sa):
A versatile burka
(Oh how I pity the judge who has to whittle these down to five.)
WHARK: The result of excessive punharri...
"Ken, I just can't read any more of these damned things. I feel like I'm gonna Whark!"
spast: the sound a network executive makes when he tries to think
uncent: what happens when Renee Zellweger attempts a foreign accent in any of her movies
ambert: an alert that goes out when a Muppet goes missing
ovela: a new fertility drug.
nochal: what a southerner says when a young'un is doing something dangerous.
"Nochal, put that mason jar down. You'll go blind if you drink that."
forpeatt: the nearer side of an Irish bog.
pastro: an out-of-business bistro.
alotwit: The way a Cockney would greet George W. Bush.
mersa: /MER-sa/ proper noun: An exclusive society for intelligent divers, founded by Jacques-Yves Cousteau.
milith: /MIL-ith/ noun: In the metric system, one thousandth of Bebe Neuwirth.
Outin: The state of nebulous sexuality wherein an up and coming Hollywood Phenom woos multiple potential markets.
cablegra: The mathematics of actually figuring the exact time the cable guy will get to your house
boran: My favorite part in the movie "10"
dingrapa: The stage name for Edith Bunker's short-lived gangsta rap career.
Insalis - The new cure for female penitracile dysfunction
Quisa - A society for people who know everything about cheese.
Fixiters - A new CBS drama about undercover handymen.
Bewarcha - Sarah Palin speak for "Watch it"
Achee - part of the reason Miley Cyrus could afford dance lessons
H Johnson
hobbiolo -
A musical instrument designed specifically for hobos that can create sounds so crazy even the hobo is taken aback by the insanity.
sanshi -
The traditional Japanese term for getting slapped in the balls by a Panda. The symbol in no way looks like either a Panda or balls. Mostly it looks like a chicken scratch house with a dot.
ouncy -
Something an undercover cop should never say to a Colombian drug lord because they would be immediately shot in the face.
snesist-
Someone who believes their sneezes are far superior to yours.
sodyst -
A person. Often named Randy. Always has a mustache. Usually living in Sacramento. Must drive a 89' Integra. Is a fan of Arby's. Typical purchases at RiteAid: 6 pack of Fresca, Vaseline, Bubble-Yum, A wire whisk, and a squeaky toy. Did I mention the mustache?
vagness -
The key for determining how vaginy something is.
ingea: what you say about the car before your foot slips and you slam on the accelerator.
thedravi: Mr. and Mrs. Dravi's egotistical son who refers to himself in the third person.
ilystore: Where I buy my Illy espresso.
trosti: Swiss line of packaged potato snacks. in potato/onion, smoked salmon, and of course, dark chocolate.
Ougal - /ooogal/ (v.)You get a crappy little prize if you're lucky enough to win the competition; Levine sells this stuff to Jeff Foxworthy for his next book.
maturstr: small piles of dung left to age in the Outback sun before turning them into delightful tourist gifts.
wurbeest: the proper Dutch name for the Tazmanian devil
outicsi: A crime scene investigator with a protruding naval.
penqixma: A dry red rash found on Ron Cey and Burgess Meredith.
nonwooke (n) anti-Chewbacca. If the two ever meet, the world will explode.
derchaci (n.)
The German translation of Scott Baio's autobiography.
modieve: The Bible's first recorded instance of PMS.
Verptede - the explosive belch after eating a sausage sandwich at Mr. Greasy's
sesshing: What a cash register with a lisp sounds like
balin: The term that describes what voters did when Sarah Palin was put on the Republican ticket
screc: what you call a spec script for a porn movie
Rambi: A spin-off of the Rambo movies; featuring John's kid sister as she gets revenge against the mall security guard that throws her out for loitering, WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE!!!
malammun (n.): Gopher meat.
boginvol (n.): Medicinal product used to treat the squits. The company was forced to settle $26,000,000 in a class action lawsuit when it was revealed that Boginvol was just butt plugs in fancy wrapping.
ulable (adj.): Generally of music; capable of being yodelled.
unaliqu (n.): Organisation dedicated to returning recovering alcoholics to drink. Opposite of AA.
stacqu: Walter Winchall sneezing during the opening credits of THE UNTOUCHABLES
demania (n.): Hysterical state reached by those possessed by demons shortly before they are consigned to hellfire.
unterti - those dug up by grave robbers.
BTW, the capcha for this post, I swear, is begmash
savigne: a bank-state
nisan: a downsizes Japanese auto manufacturer
imphy: hinting around with your lips pursed
duchorki -
The famous style of Dutch stand-up comedy. Famous only in Holland. The style of humor is described as a fusion between a dutch Yakov Smirnoff, Gallagher, Dane Cook without the stage presence and a lot of drooling.
It is also a style of Dutch competitive hot dog eating.
teryowpn: S&M invoving Japenese food
skinanc: spare flesh
braso: a female undergarment that's beside the pont
alindes: a South American mountain range named after the girl in Love Story
Mutoto - What the members of Toto became after being exposed to gamma ray radiation.
Smitting- when 2 or more unrelated people named "Smith" find themselves chatting with each other.
Bidero- A bidet that sterotypical Mexicans wear oin their head.
sondint - Welln Then, whoon did?
ferst - better'n bein' secund.
ferlate: OMG IT'S LIKE SIMILAR TO "FELLATIO", SO IT MUST BE FUNNY!
you suck, Levine!
As I said, it seems that two a day ought to be enough, and sporting.
Word Verification: sureck. Something certain to be icky.
fastra -
A performance suppliment that gives Kenyans their speed; A hungry Lion.
lubjunto -
The fat guy's martial art. It pretty much involves hurling yourself at your enemy and surrounding them with your fat. If you miss, your defense is to just lay on the ground, unable to move with lots of labored breathing.
gramin: the marketing name for prescription cocaine
chydj: the new female Bollywood star
refterv: a person with a sexual fetish for dressing in black and white stripes.
medull: I'm really not that interesting.
morna: why Sha Na Na became famous and Sha Na did not.
eretive: When one gets VERY excited being creative
nedist: What happens when Ned Flanders gets in the buff
undians: Indians dancing in unitards
dathma: What lung ailment afflicted Daffy Duck later in life?
bimeca: The border area between California and Mexico. Noted for its loft apartments, trendy eateries, film festival and raging drug war.
eledsled /EE-led-sled/ proper noun: Your online source for Jimmy Page-themed snowmobiles.
siant /SAYN-t/ noun: A religious figure considered to watch over dyslexics.
Enholoph - The Pete Best of cartoon creatures. Had to be cut from the trio, " Heffalumps, Enholophs & Woozels" when Winnie the Pooh ran long.
H Johnson
Okay, these are supposed to come from the word verifications, but when I saw:
"Dean W. said...
strated - the act of converting homesexuals into heterosexuals"
I thought:
HOMESEXUALS
People who can only become sexually aroused in their own houses or apartments.
Refighth - The second time two gay guys throw down.
H Johnson
Pabeess - Not mother bees
H Johnson
Anthi - When Richard Simmons gets impatient.
H Johnson
Refighth - The second time two gay guys throw down.
H Johnson
Stentst - The MVP of MDs during angioplasty
H Johnson
shetion (n., pronounced sheeshun): the state of mindless rage and self-absorbed amusement that causes people to troll internet forums and blog threads.
mensant:
Someone whose smart and wants you to know it.
Preeest:
Cleric who gives a killer be last rites.
gnityl: Old English spelling of your privates, private!
Zingles: Finally there's a rash everyone can enjoy!
Jingsta: A gangsta that communicates in short, rhyming verses. For sheer style alone, these homies ride in hearses.
slyzp - when you suddenly notice that your fly is down and you nonchalantly try to zip it back up as a busload of nuns drive past
Bogolo - much too busy to completely listen to Ringo Star's records. See also "You're 6" "It Don't Cosy" and "Octo-den".
ablam - The sound a vampire makes when he explodes.
prehuma - A managed health-care company for Neanderthals.
liker - A person used for sport sex.
Closako - The final procedure in a vasectomy.
innies - (n.) archaic term for innerwear meant for socialites who have little else to think about.
Pathno - A friend who tries to see the funny side of your misfortune a little too quickly for your tastes.
munbert (n.): a man with negative sexual attraction.
Gredst- a new term of measurement which means the same as 'girth' but is less likely to crop up in Penthouse Forum. Invented by a shy quantity surveyer who got fed of people visualising a vast penis whenever he talked about the distance across something.
Peabove (n)
An obscure-even-at-the-time item of apparel made of shaped grey felt, worn by 18th century Englishmen when 'in town', usually with a posey or colorful pocket square. Nowadays worn by that 24-year-old guy who delivers sandwiches to your office.
The wearing of a Peabove either makes a person look like a dapper, sartorially adventurous dandy, or an insufferably pretentious dick, depending on whether you like the guy or not.
marighot - Pennsylvania Amish country sect lobbying for the right to marry goats
Mogicart: The Mister Cart meets Magic Matt Alan
imped: Demonic moped.
osobi: Star Wars themed operating system.
iness: interior excess
hydrian: Rocky Balboa's mermaid girlfriend.
butoging: aroebic ass exercises
Preson - How a drunken Preston answered the officer's request for his name.
Mychs - Belonging to Mych.
Oursis - All inclusive.
Meway - Popeye's closing number in his Vegas show.
atelardi: what the Italian cannibal said when sked what he had for lunch
Norilly - the correct response to "Gedouddahere"
Quitinsu - What you do if sexually harassed by your boss.
Dednea - Beauty cream for the recently departed.
Canquia -
The Mexican remake of Brokeback Mountain. Ha! I bet you thought Brokeback Mountain jokes were over! You were wrong! Hoo-ha!
gordster: Hot car driven by founder of Motown
gordster: Snappy name for a lobster gordita -- Available for a limited time only choice at Cape Cod Taco Bell
aptacons: One-room apartments with eight walls.
Reeless:
The philosophy of those who are able to read, but would like to read less. A 'd' was omitted so the word had fewer letters in it, making it less to read.
preble: The book that came out before the Bible.
Sterswa - The first thing a person says after slipping and falling down wet stairs.
"Purgose" overly contented cat.
Pantsa -
This year, due to the recession Santa is going by this new name, and will bring joy and good cheer to all the children of the world by bringing them a healthy variety of pants. Christmas pants. All that change you gave to the people ringing the bell for the Salvation Army all these years...finally we got some payback. In the form of pants.
"mudist"... naked cow.
gonym -
Dead goyim.
nudos: What one calls being naked in Mexico
nobrop: The likely answer to the question "Do you have a brop?"
nater: What you call people that hate Ralph Nader
cagogu: Caligula's less exciting younger brother. Known to only have sex with 5 women at a time.
Injam - The whereabouts of one Illinois Governor.
H Johnson
lutze (loot-zee) - trinkets that Jewish people find and sell to Gentiles for a 150% markup.
Muncy - A large city in YndYana.
H Johnson
Cheroomm - What it sounds like when the former Mrs. Bono guns her black F-100.
H Johnson
Chimpar - The only explanation for my golf score.
H Johnson
Arski - What Putin can kiss.
H Johnson
Ringbong - The most far out piece of jewelery that Jared makes, man.
capsta -
A bottle cap collector with a lot of bitches and homies.
Uresses -
Ulysses S. Grant's little brother. He loved to put shaving cream in his brother's musket. He poured thousands of ants on his beard and purposely fought with the south just to get his goat. Ulysses, always an over achiever fought hard and won a large victory at the battle of Belmont. Unfortunatley, he discovered that he had personally killed Uresses during that fateful battle. Wow. This actually isn't very funny. That's pretty heavy. Damn. Sure, Ulysses didn't really have a brother named Uresses but still...this is supposed to be all in good fun. I mean jeez. My bad.
garytort -
Hannibal Lecter's favorite dessert to go with a dinner of Kasha.
Sunbande - someone else's gang. Used in the phrase subande es mi bande, usually said when someone is pointing a gun at you.
roulobso - Portigese entree made of garlic, bread, milk,pimento and lobster all pureed together.
Noyin - What 'A' is.
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