Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Summer Movies Preview: Part three

Here's what's left to see or skip this summer.

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER
– non linear RomCom starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel. Sounds promising but I hope they don’t show every day.

BRUNO – Sascha Baron Cohen as a gay Austrian fashion reporter. You’ll probably laugh your ass off even if you hate yourself for it.

THE UGLY TRUTH – RomCom starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. Whenever you see in the studio description “sparks fly” hold your breath. Whenever you see Katherine Heigl in a comedy hold your breath.

G-FORCE
– Jerry Bruckheimer feels it’s finally time that he stretches as an artist. No more loud mindless explosionfests. So he produced this live-action/animated/3-D movie about secret agent guinea pigs.

FUNNY PEOPLE – Judd Apatow’s summer entry. Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen play men who never grew up. At least Bruckheimer added 3-D.

JULIE & JULIA – After directing BEWITCHED, MIXED NUTS, and MICHAEL, why is Hollywood letting Nora Ephron even get within ten feet of a iPhone that records video?

TAKING WOODSTOCK – You’ve heard the music. You’ve seen the crowds. But have you explored the homosexuality? Director Ang Lee thinks it’s about time you did. He should rename the film TAKING STOCK OF WOOD.

THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE – “Where were you last night and don’t tell me the Middle Ages, you bastard!”

DISTRICT 9 – Extraterrestrials arrive in the 1980s. They stock up on slap bracelets and Judy Blume books and leave.

THE BOAT THAT ROCKED – Now pushed back to August 28th. I think Hollywood is making a big mistake. Audiences don’t want to see the Terminator or Wolverine. They want to see a pirate radio station off the coast of England in the 60s. Sure to be the hit of the last day of summer.

G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA – Movie based on Barbie for boys. Look for sequels: MALIBU G.I. JOE, and SKIPPER G.I. JOE.

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS – Quentin Tarentino’s World War II epic about an elite Jewish fighting squad sent behind Nazi enemy lines. Imagine the “Dirty Dozen” as the “Mother F’ing Minyan”.

THE GOODS; LIVE HARD, SELL HARD – Jeremy Piven, in a real departure for him, plays a sleazy used car salesman. It’ll be interesting to see if audiences accept him in such an unfamiliar role.

WORLD’S GREATEST DAD – Robin Williams, directed by Bobcat Goldthwait. I can’t imagine Bobcat ever giving the note, “Do a little less here.”

H2 – a.k.a. HALLOWEEN 2. This time the slasher hands out Hola Pops with high levels of lead.

21 comments :

Anonymous said...

The sad thing is not one of these movies with the exception of H2 will show at my theater. The damn owner and general manager will continue to show crap because they figure here in the great midwest the people that come to their theaters don't have any brains. Plus the fact they both take their marching orders from the GMs wife who has decreed that the theaters shall only show G,PG & PG13 movies. Too bad the owner doesn't have any balls to stand up to her. Meanwhile I have to listen to them both complain how shitty business is and why doesn't anyone come to OUR theaters?

Anonymous said...

Personally, whenever I see Katherine Heigl is anything I look forward to it. Great actress.

Anonymous said...

Really Anonymous... you looked forward to Bride Of Chucky? Under Siege 2? Zyzzyx Road? 28 fucking Dresses?

You're a goddamn liar.

Gridlock said...

Inglorius Basterds or Inglorious Bastards?

estiv said...

RomCom starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler.Yes, when I saw Gerard Butler as the leader of the Spartans in 300, I noticed how warm and funny he seemed.

Nathan said...

"Mother F'ing Minion"

Minion = servile or fawning dependant.

Minyan = a quorum of Jewish men.

OK, works either way for me.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps Hollywood decided that even Nora Ephron can't make audiences dislike a film with Streep and Amy Adams on the screen.

We'll just see about that.

jbryant said...

sephim: "Bride of Chucky" was rather amusing. "28 Fucking Dresses" -- is that a sequel to "27 Dresses?" The latter was actually pretty good, as was Heigl's performance. She was also superb in those first couple of seasons of the ridiculous "Grey's Anatomy." Funny how no one seemed to have much of a problem with her acting until she shot her mouth off about a few things.

estiv: Gerard Butler is an actor. Some actors have the ability to play more than one type of role. He may be one of them.

Gridlock: Tarantino's film is "Inglourious Basterds." The misspelling is deliberate.

VW: pubstes -- alcoholic poisoning of the gonads.

Mary Stella said...

THE UGLY TRUTH – RomCom starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler.The movie has Gerard Butler in it. He could star next to Joan Rivers and I'd still watch it.


JULIE & JULIA I'm guessing it isn't an updated remake of Victor/Victoria with a college co-ed playing a women pretending to be a transsexual?


THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE – You could be dating your grandson's ex-girlfriend.

THE BOAT THAT ROCKED – A pre-quel to Titanic when Leo was merely the prince of the world.

wv= finglu. The used it when Flipper's flipper fell off.

Anonymous said...

Off topic, but: http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/ustv/a155113/mash-star-spiers-comes-out.html

As Winchester was the prototype Frasier, does this say anything about the Doc?

VP81955 said...

"Julie & Julia" co-stars Amy Adams and 5'6" Meryl Streep, the latter as 6'2" Julia Child. Perhaps they fed Meryl some of that "quantonium" substance which turned the bride-to-be into a giantess in "Monsters Vs. Aliens." (Can they supply some to Kristin Chenoweth, if only to lower her speaking voice to a more tolerable pitch?)

And in "(500) Days Of Summer," Zooey's fans will be satisfied only if she wears pantyhose (not likely in a movie with "summer" in the title). For some reason, she has succeeded Parker Posey as the pantyhose princess (and you try saying that phrase five times in a row!).

wv: "auntess" -- uh, isn't that redundant. (Or perhaps it should be applied to describe an MTF transsexual relative, to emphasize her newfound femininity.)

BTW, Ken -- enjoy the non-Manny era for the next two months or so. (Well, perhaps the L.A. sports media will now realize the Anaheim Ducks exist.)

Emmett Flatus said...

RE: Winchester

I never did believe Honora was real...merely CEW III's alter(ed) ego.

D. McEwan said...

"You’ve heard the music. You’ve seen the crowds. But have you explored the homosexuality?"

Yes, far more than I listened to the music. In fact, when I saw WOODSTOCK in a drive-in, 35 or 36 years ago, I spent most of the picture in the back seat, homosexually exploring my brains out.

"Anonymous said...
Meanwhile I have to listen to them both complain how shitty business is and why doesn't anyone come to OUR theaters?"

So why not just tell them?

"estiv said...
Yes, when I saw Gerard Butler as the leader of the Spartans in 300, I noticed how warm and funny he seemed."

300 made me laugh rather frequently. Indeed, it's quite impossible to take it seriously. Although I didn't notice how "warm" he was so much as how HOT!!!

But he was rather different in PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. Why, it's almost like he's an actor, and can play all sorts of roles. As long as he undresses, I'm there. I'll bring a book for when Ms Heigl is onscreen. But thanks for showing L. B. Mayer's way of thinking didn't die with him. Who needs studios to typecast someone when you will do it for them? He had a success in one type of role, therefore he can play NOTHING ELSE!!!

D. McEwan said...

In fact, Hugh Jackman and Gerard Butler madly in love with each other, in a female-free cast, with music from Woodstock playing behind them as they recreate the nude wrestling scene from WOMEN IN LOVE is MY idea of the PERFECT summer movie!

Apparently my WV has a different opinion, since my WV is "stinks."

Anonymous said...

is that a typo on the poster or the movie title? it was "basterds" as far as I know

Anonymous said...

Looking forward to "The Ugly Truth." It got great buzz at ShoWest, and Katherine Heigl is fast becoming my favorite young rom com comedienne. If "Knocked Up” and "27 Dresses" are accurate representations, Heigl lights up the screen and elevates every scene she’s in.

-Holly

Anonymous said...

jbryant - never said I had a problem with Katherine Heigl, I just don't believe anybody was looking forward to those movies because she was in them.

Especially not Under Siege 2.

Cap'n Bob said...

I rarely go to movies because I don't want to suffer the talky patrons and overpriced snacks. This season it'll be the movies themselves that keep me away. Thanks for the warning, Ken.

jbryant said...

thanks for the clarification, sephim. Though I have to admit that I rather liked "Under Siege," and therefore held out some hope that part 2 might be okay. But yeah, I wasn't looking forward to it because of Heigl. At that point, I'd only seen her in "My Father the Hero," that, um, unusual comedy in which she plays Gerard Depardieu's 14-year-old daughter who passes herself off as his lover in order to attract some guy she has a crush on. All brought to you by Disney, via their Touchstone imprint.

Anonymous said...

Considering that the Halloween remake was about a billion times better than Zombie's 1st two films, which means it was passably watchable instead of a godless waste pit of cinematic excrement, maybe H2 will finally be the time he makes a decent flick.

Mike

Unknown said...

I'm very much so a rob zombie fan,house of a 1000 corpses and it's sequel the Devils rejects are some of the better horror movies ever made. I thought his remake of Halloween was OK but nothing compared to the original suspense.now I'm waiting for his new movie coming out next year in 2016 called 31, sounds like a really good clown horror movie, which we haven't had since the movie IT, and I'm a big horror fan so most definitely looking forward to one about clowns.