Monday, May 04, 2009

Summer Movies Preview: Part two

At least no LOVE GURU sequel this summer.

THE TAKING OF PELHAM 123 – Remake of one of my favorite movies. A New York subway car is hijacked. This time to Cuba. Stars Denzel Washington and John Travolta.

THE PROPOSAL – Sandra Bullock’s heralded return to romantic comedies. She’s quoted as saying “I wasn’t doing romantic comedies because I’ve been so disappointed with the types of films that fall into that label.” Translation: The parts have gone to younger actresses.

THE HANGOVER – A Vegas bachelor party goes bad. Don’t they all?

MY LIFE IN RUINS – heralds the return of Nia Vardalos, the MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING star who burned more bridges than Rommel. I bet not once did you ever say “Hey, what happened to Nia Vardalos?” Well, neither did Hollywood. So it’s sort of an appropriate title.

AWAY WE GO – Maya Rudolph is pregnant and John Krasinski is her boyfriend. They travel cross-country to find a place to settle down. Directed by Sam Mendes so wherever they decide it will be well lit.

WHATEVER WORKS – Woody Allen’s 285th movie, the 247th with the same theme – older neurotic Jew in a relationship with hot young girl who could be his granddaughter. Larry David as Woody Allen. Reviews are mixed. Middle-aged Jews love it, young girls are appalled.

CHERI – Michelle Pfeiffer embarks on an affair with a 19 year old boy. Might be like watching the negative of WHATEVER WORKS.

DOWNLOADING NANCY – Maria Bello and Jason Patric in an S&M love affair. Yeah, it may be sick but at least they’re about the same age.

YEAR ONE – Jack Black and his usual wide comic range.

THE HURT LOCKER – Iraq war drama. Looking to be the first Iraq war drama that grosses more than $5.

IMAGINE THAT – Eddie Murphy gets stock tips from his daughter’s imaginary friends. Are they willing to talk to Geithner?

MOON – Sam Rockwell and a robot (voiced by Kevin Spacey) are alone on the moon. They fall in love when there’s a full earth.

DEAD SNOW – A Norwegian Nazi zombie horror comedy, just like the one every USC and NYU film student is writing.

PUBLIC ENEMIES – Johnny Depp as gangster John Dillinger. Directed by Michael Mann so you know it’s going to be well done, exciting, visually arresting, and 45 minutes too long.

HARRY POTTER AND THE MOVIE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE RELEASED AT CHRISTMAS BUT WAS HELD UNTIL THE SUMMER WHICH IS NEVER A GOOD SIGN

I LOVE YOU BETH COOPER – Based on the hilarious novel by Simpson’s writer Larry Doyle. Directed by Chris Columbus. Please follow the book Chris and not make it “your own”.

ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE – at least the boys in the slasher club.

THEY CAME FROM UPSTAIRS – Aliens from outer space disrupt a family vacation in Maine. Thus upping the nation’s alien pandemic scale to 4.

ICE AGE: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS – Those who are bothered by the fact that the ice age took place millions of years after dinosaurs were extinct should be reminded this is a friggin’ cartoon!

Late tomorrow my AMERICAN IDOL recap and then I wrap up the movies preview on Thursday.

23 comments :

Christina said...

"Hey, what happened to Nia Vardalos?"Actually, I did ask this. After her $35 million paycheck for MBFGW (she took money on the backend, smart cookie), I watched to see what she'd do. After that disaster Connie and Carla, I thought she might pack it up.

I'm actually rooting for her. She's like the Lindsay or Britney of female screenwriters, and I don't want her to shave her head again.

Anonymous said...

Eddie Murphy is still doing this "Dr Doolittle" crap? Didn't he have an illegitimate child with some trashy english chick? In the old days, that would have banned him from any kind of "pg-13" type of crap, forcing him to do R-rated Beverly Hills Cop 4.

Where are the conservative americans and the retarded studio executive who listen to them when you need them?

jbryant said...

Ken: When it rains Vardalos, it pours. About a month after "My Life in Ruins," she pops up again in "I Hate Valentine's Day." Maybe this will be covered in your 3rd Summer Preview post, so I'll refrain from trying to make a funny (as if I could steal your comic thunder!).

Rory L. Aronsky said...

Directed by Sam Mendes so wherever they decide it will be well lit.Though he's one of my favorite directors, this is so true. "Dramatically lit" would be equally valid.

Jeff L. said...

I never knew you played StarFox, Ken.

Rentivi: The reason you went to ColorTyme before the Super Bowl.

A_Homer said...

I'd think about going to see "Whatever Cheri Works".

Anonymous said...

I'd sort of wondered what had happened to Vardolos. Had no clue she was an apparent pill, though. Do love the dichotomy of when a guy in Hollywood is difficult (he's "strong willed") and when a woman is (she's a "bitch").

Mary Stella said...

For years I've heard how difficult it is for actresses over age 40 to find good roles. Now that "cougar" is the new hot thing, will there be plenty of roles but all of older women trolling for younger men?

Anonymous said...

Why are they remaking a nearly perfect movie? The original Pelham has great performances by Walter Matthau and Rober Shaw, a stirring plot, and a great script. I cringe at the concept of remaking it. It probably now involves killer robots and way too many jump cuts.

John said...

If they'll just shoot the computer console in the new trains that replays those damn automated announcements over and over again ("Thank you for riding MTA New York City Transit" "If you see something, say something" "Please do not urinate in the handicapped seating area"), I'll give "Pelham 1-2-3" at least one star no matter how bad it might be compared to the original.

Dave M said...

Hey Ken,
Quick question. How I Met Your Mother spent a couple of seasons in limbo (will they renew it? Wont they renew it?) but has all the sudden rocketed up the prestige ladder at CBS. Do you think that kind of security will change the way a show is made? Does it change the dynamics of the show in any way?

growingupartists said...

Same problem every year...too many movies and not enough brain space. I'm sure the rest of the world chases each other to movie after movie all summer. Do they? Please tell why box office numbers are highest during the summer, is it because of all the reruns on TV?

Do tell!

Emily Blake said...

Yeah it's a cartoon, but it gives teachers a lot more work to do later. All the kids in America already think Pocahantas ran off with the wrong man and that the Hunchback lives happily ever after. And that candlesticks like to sing, which is totally not true. They hate singing.

jbryant said...

Mary Stella: I'm hoping that the "cougar" phenomenon will convince Hollywood to buy my pitch for a remake of "Harold and Maude" starring Zac Efron and Cloris Leachman.

Anonymous said...

I recently watched the trailor for Away We Go. It looks really good. I can't wait to see it.

blogward said...

A particularly hilarious post today Ken, thanks:O)

Anonymous said...

I just assume that if a show makes it to the 3rd/4th season, they probably just pick it up so it reaches the amount of episodes for syndication. it's like "eh, they made it this far, people seem to like this crap. just fire half the writers and put the twitchy guy on the laugh-track machine".

Jub Jub The Frumious Bandersnatch said...

Dear Anonymous #2:

That's wrong. When a man is difficult he's not "strong willed." He's "a dick."

A. Buck Short said...

You mean that wasn't Olympia Dukakis???

Mary Stella said...
Now that "cougar" is the new hot thing....


On a relatively similar judgmental scale, is there a male designation equivalent to cougar? Panther too tight? (If married) Cheetah? Or do we just call these people, uh, "men?" Oh, and where does one apply? Hey I'm only asking for a friend.

Cap'n Bob said...

The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3 was a great movie that didn't need to be remade, especially with that slimy asshole Travolta.

Andrew said...

Ken, what bridges did Vardalos burn? Just curious. I did like MBFGW.

Anonymous said...

"is there a male designation equivalent to cougar?"

Girls with "daddy issues" are as old as time (and I'm hoping they're still around for the next ~20 years). So yeah, I'd go with "men".

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