Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Diss 'n dat 2

I think Kobe’s 81 points in one game is a greater achievement than Wilt Chamberlain’s 100. Wilt scored most of his underneath the basket. Kobe was making shots from the popcorn machine with five guys hanging on him.

Wilt’s record of sleeping with 20,000 women is pretty safe however. At least while Kobe remains married.

I still find it hard to believe that Chamberlain had sex with 20,000 women. Harder to believe if more than six of them were Jewish.

COURTING ALEX should be called DHARMA BECOMES GREG. I don’t get it. Jenna Elfman’s gift is playing wonderfully goofy free spirits. Why make her an uptight unfunny prig? And let’s see, in the show there’s a down to earth bartender and a rigid super bright blond. Hmmm? Where have we seen that before?

I understand playing against type but not when it robs you of what you do best. Imagine Shelley Long as Dharma Finklestein and Jenna Elfman as Diane Chambers. Two superb comediennes but it just wouldn’t work.

If you haven’t seen FOUR KINGS don’t worry. You HAVE seen FOUR KINGS.

24 – So Jack’s cover has been blown. No longer any need to pretend he’s dead. Wouldn’t he call his daughter to let her know? Although maybe he did and got her machine. “Hi, this is Kim. I’m being kidnapped so can’t come to the phone right now. Leave a message and I’ll call you back when I escape.”

MUNICH is taking a lot of heat. Producers are concerned because it’s not a shoo-in for Oscar nominations. They’re upset that the controversy is getting in the way of possible accolades. Damn, Hollywood is a cruel town!

I’d have a lot more respect for Steven Spielberg if just once he’d say, “I don’t care about awards or box office. This is the movie I wanted to make, this is the story I wanted to tell. I’m proud of the results and that’s all that matters.” I’m not holding my breath.

Big article in the LA Times CALENDAR section about this earlier in the week. It mentions that the movie was available for Golden Globe consideration only on the last day. A screening was arranged and only half of the 86 members of the Foreign Press saw it. Yet it still received a writing and directing nomination. Meaning what, it takes like 35 votes to get a nomination? The Golden Globes are a JOKE!!

How come the movies that are big sensations at SUNDANCE and make record deals never seem to be that good or successful when they hit the local Cineplex? Remember when HAPPY, TEXAS was going to be the next great American comedy? And HUSTLE AND FLOW was sure to redefine drama?

This has been floating around the internet lately. You may have seen it. If not, I feel it’s my duty as an American and someone with an IQ of over 50 to show it to you. From a recent President Bush press conference:

Question (WOMAN IN AUDIENCE):

'I don't really understand. How is it the new plan going to fix the problem?'

Verbatim response (PRESIDENT BUSH):

'Because the -- all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculated, for example, is on the table. Whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those -- changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be -- or closer delivered to that has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the -- like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate -- the benefits will rise based upon inflation, supposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those -- if that growth is affected, it will help on the red.'

Me: Holy shit!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!

9 comments:

Tom Quigley said...

RE: From a recent President Bush press conference --

In all sincerity, I believe the man is suffering from "Iraqtile Dysfunction"...

Anonymous said...

Bush is the most pathetic excuse for a President in the history of this country. Thank God for The Daily Show and their nightly skewering of this asshole!

rashad khan said...

Who needs "The Daily Show" when Bush II brings the funny all by himself?

Bill Cunningham said...

Ken -- Jack's in real time. You're in tv time. He's been in a shootout, a hostage situation, a helicopter ride, a knife fight...

He'll get around to calling her.

Would you spring that on your daughter? "Honey, guess what? I'm back! I'm not a corpse, yet! Somebody's still out to get me though so you stay tightly bundled up in suburbia! Oops, sorry there's the gunfire - gotta go. Buh-bye!"

(click!)

Would you do that over the phone...?

No.

Ken Levine said...

Bill,

Having been in the same situation as Jack (as I'm sure many of us have) I did call my daughter. She was glad to hear from me but couldn't talk long. Her new Iraqi boyfriend was coming over for dinner.

VP19 said...

I suppose Jenna was understandably fearful of being typecast, but there are certainly other "free spirit" characters she could've played that wouldn't have resembled Dharma. Think of the queen of comedic actresses, Carole Lombard. Her Hazel Flagg ("Nothing Sacred") shared some qualities with Irene Bullock ("My Man Godfrey"), but they were certainly not alike.

It will be interesting to see whether Laura Prepon can find a sitcom vehicle tailored to her specific comedic talents, without her character simply being a contemporary clone of Donna Pinciotti or going in the opposite direction, as Elfman did.

emily blake said...

What do you suppose executives would do with a sitcom character who spoke like George Bush?

Tom Quigley said...

RE: What do you suppose executives would do with a sitcom character who spoke like George Bush? --

I think they already did. The dialogue started out "Hi, I'm Larry, and this here's my brother Darryl, and this here's my other brother -- Jeb..."

Anonymous said...

Well, it's not that Bush is being stupid. Bush (as well as the reporter) knows the answer to the question -- it solves the problem (he would say) by reducing the growth in benefits for a certain segment of the population. But it is best not to say that in so many words, since the idea of reducing benefits is frightening to so many people. He's doing (poorly) what any other president would do -- bullshitting.