Why have a blog if you can't rant?

Okay, I’m shocked. AMERICAN IDOL got it wrong. Melinda Doolittle was voted off?! She will be headlining in Vegas long after Blake Lewis appears at Six Flags Magic Mountain at Spiliken Corners. Melinda now joins Jennifer, Elliott, Kimberley, and Tamyra as losers who are better singers than most of the winners. The producers can hype the show any way they want but don’t call it a singing competition anymore. It’s not. It’s a popularity contest. Period.

With Melinda out, the only real suspense next Tuesday night will be just how bad and treacly will that original new song be that both Jordin and Blake have to sing? Unless Jordin says “fuck!” on the air, she’s the next AMERICAN IDOL.

And I hope Melinda goes on to have a fabulous career and can even afford to buy a house on the street named after her.

Like Elliot, in a year she'll be back with new teeth, a new look, and a new CD.

Onward and sideward…

Steve McPherson, the President of ABC, said this about the new caveman comedy, “It will have the ability to offend everyone but offend no one.”

HUH??? WHAT?? There is network speak at its finest.

Meanwhile, George Lopez has gone postal now that his low rated sitcom has been cancelled by ABC. I’d say the fact that the network kept it on as long as it did despite the woeful numbers, lack of any buzz, and the way he bombs at every awards show, Mr. Lopez should be naming his kids after ABC instead of blasting them. He claims his whole life was up there on the screen. If so, then get a funnier life.

Besides, George, ABC no longer needs you. They have BINGO premiering Friday.

After Sunday night’s shocking episode of THE SOPRANOS, it’s pretty clear, Tony, the therapy isn’t working.

When I do these rants new things sometimes occur and I add them. So you might want to check back if you're in front of the computer and bored out of your skull.

I finally figured out the common denominator in LOST. All of these castaways had severely fucked up parents. We will eventually learn the whole series was merely a bad dream Sigmund Freud had in a cut rate opium den.

Now that the Rev. Jerry Falwell has left the Mortal Majority who will fill his role as ignorant spokesperson for the religious right? Remember, this is the man who supported segregation, thinks all gays are deviants, and claims 9/11 was brought about by “the ACLU and the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians.” His successor might want to add Jews (although I think that’s what Falwell meant by the ACLU), the Hollywood crowd, democrats, college professors, bloggers, unions, the HuffingtonPost, Keith Olbermann, Apple computers, scientists, and AMERICAN IDOL. Applications are now being accepted.

Phil Spector, still claiming he never shot Lana Clarkson to death now claims she was eating the gun. (Oh, that old plea!) So he’s not guilty of murder. He’s guilty of being a really bad host and not offering snacks.

Last season CBS was touting OLD CHRISTINE as the hit of the season! Now they just renewed it for midseason, and ordered only 13. Welcome to the BECKER/KING OF QUEENS/YES DEAR graveyard.

SPRING AWAKENING will win Musical of the Year at this year’s Tonys. Yes, it will beat out MARY POPPINS even though both have the same story – youth engaging in taboo sex. I didn’t offer a spoiler alert since no one will watch the Tonys anyway.

NBC picked up the remake of BIONIC WOMAN, claiming it’s a dark psychological drama. Come on! It’s the Bionic Woman!!! Super powers. Running in slow motion. Another chance to do HEROES. Next season prepare to enter the dark, brooding, tortured world of INSPECTOR GADGET.