Sunday, August 30, 2009

I hate pop-up ads!!!

Okay, this is me going on a rant.

I will not buy anything I see in a pop-up ad. They are the most annoying form of advertising ever devised. I know the big problem with the internet is that no one has figured out yet how to make a substantial profit out of it. That certainly is my problem. Banner ads are only slightly effective. And newspapers and other sites have found it’s difficult to charge people for their services when other outlets will provide it for free. Why go to reputable newspapers when there are people like me in their underwear banging out blogs?

But I can’t imagine anybody… ever… in any corner of the universe… buying something they see from a pop-up ad.

It’s as if you’re watching a concert and suddenly from out of nowhere someone gets right up into your grill and screams “HEY, WANNA BUY LIFE INSURANCE?!!” What are the chances you’ll say “Sure. Thanks. I specifically went to this remaining-Beatles reunion just hoping someone would sell me long term life insurance”?

Wouldn’t it be more likely you’d knee him in the groin and threaten to kill him and his family if he ever again came within one mile of you?

That’s the common reaction when people are assaulted by pop-up ads. First off, they resent the product. Like me, they’ll probably boycott it. It doesn’t take Don Draper to figure out that boycotting is not a good end result to an advertising campaign.

Seriously, should an X10 camera ad pop onto my screen I will scramble to my mouse and obliterate it faster than if it were a sex scene between Larry King and a goat.

Girls, name me one time a guy ever won your heart by continually yanking at your hair. This form of attention getting DOES NOT WORK!

Of course the idiot advertisers who think otherwise are devising new ways to skirt pop-up blocking programs and making their CLOSE tabs so small no one can find them without a microscope so strong it can differentiate atoms.

As for you websites that allow these obnoxious pop-ups, I understand that you need revenue, but you run the risk of pissing off your readers and losing your audience. And once you have no traffic your sponsors will go away too. So it’s a lose/lose/lose/lose/lose situation.

Just know this: I will never “CLICK HERE TO WIN MY PRIZE”. I will never “CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS”. I will only “CLICK HERE TO HAVE EVERYONE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS KILLED BY MUTANT COWS”.

I feel better now. Thanks.

42 comments:

Anonymous said...

What kind of browser are you using that still allows pop up ads?

I haven't seen a pop up, outside of Nationals Park, in years.

More annoying to me are the spam emails which somehow still make it through all the filters...and promise "We ship Me*ds direct to you from Cana*da!" Great. I think I'll buy some drugs from unknown Canucks.

Brian H said...

IMDB is becoming almost intolerable because of intrusive ads.

steve said...

They are annoying, but using pop-up blocker keeps 'em down. I'm sure this comment section is going to be a growing collection of "Yeah, but what really gets me" posts, but what really gets me are the ads slowly and surely taking over the screen even during content. Right now, we're seeing ads for coming shows, basically pop-ups during one show to advertise for a different show. Just like your aversion to products advertised on browser pop-ups, the TV popups make me not want to watch whatever show is advertised.

If you've ever seen Idiocracy, you can see where this is headed, with advertising no longer limited to breaks between the content, but actually streaming on top of the content, framing the content, obliterating the content.

And just like your statements about the website owners who allow web popups, I wonder how TV content providers can allow the advertisers, or even themselves, to take over the screen during their own content? Yeah, someone will say "money". Whatever. It's a road that leads somewhere I wish we could avoid. Idiocracy and "Ow My Balls" awaits.

J S Swanson said...

Ken,
Amen to your hatred of Pop-Ups. Despite my blocker program, I still have to delete an ad for a company whose name begins with N & ends with X every time I go to TV Guide's site. It would be so much more satisfying if I knew that I was simultaneously poking a sharp stick into the eyes of the people responsible for this intrusion when I clicked on Close.
I've never ordered DVDs to be sent to my house but, if I ever do -- it won't be by them.
Thanks for letting me vent.

Baylink said...

Jeezus, Ken: switch to Firefox, and install AdBlock Pro, already. No sense tearing your hair out. Or ours. :-)

Buttermilk Sky said...

Yeah, what steve said. Too bad there's no program that will stop TV pop-ups.

VW: logizeme. One of those drugs you can buy online from Canadians.

Pamela Jaye said...

JS has a point. I have ABP and a few still get thru.
I think. I use so many different computers in a day, it's sometimes hard to remember.
Esp hate the ones where the res is higher than my screen res. if there's an X to close, it's not on my screen.

Baylink will come out and do some tech for you, though, Ken :-)

DwWashburn said...

Pop up blockers reduce but to not eliminate pop up ads. The one that seems to never be blocked by my blocker is the one on the mlb.com site. And if you close it sooner than 30 seconds after it is displayed, it will return.

However probably the most annoying are the ads that now spread across the screen by themselves. For instance I have a Yahoo mail account. When I go to the Yahoo home page all looks calm and peaceful, and then one of the selected ads will either start growing or will start jumping across the screen.

Advertisers are even getting sneaky about how to close them. There was a car company ad on the Yahoo page about a month ago that had the "typical" X Close symbol. However clicking on it took you to the car's website. To paraphrase Ken, do you really think that this kind of dishonesty is going to make me want to buy a Saturn?

Jerad said...

The only thing that gets me to stop visiting a site faster than pop-ups is resizing my window. Sorry random website, I really do know what size I like my browser window!

Paul said...

Firefox with Adblock Plus on Windows. Camino on Mac.

Author X said...

Still using Internet Exlporer 1.0? I know youre old Ken but nostalgia is best used on old underwear and how you used to be able to bend over without moaning.

I'm waiting on bated breath for your scathing review of the abacus you use to balance your check book.

When you fart does dust come out?

Sandy Koufax said...

Ken...You can't be using a Mac if you are getting pop-ups. I have owned my Mac for almost two years and have never gotten one pop-up. I thought they were a thing of the past. Time for a new computer.

D. McEwan said...

JS Swanson won't ever use the convenience which is Netflix, yet he's watched in my living room a rather large number of DVDs Netflix sent to me. J has no problem with second-hand Netflixing.

What truely annoys me still are unsolicited phone calls. I'm a late sleeper. (Noon is my usual arising time), and nothing pisses me off more than being woken up by the same GOD DAMNED pre-recoded phone advertisement offering to reduce my credit card debt (I have none. I don't use credit cards, only debit. I only spend money I actually have), or reduce my mortgage (I rent an apartment) or have an offer for any diabetic in my home, of which there are none, that I hung up on the day before, and last week, and last month. How can they think that disturbing me, waking me up, interrupting a TV show I'm watching or a conversation I'm having will make me want to do anything but kill them?

But I loves me my Netflix.

You blog in your underwear? I blog naked.

len dreary said...

It's far worse when you're surfing porno.
I'm continually assaulted by greedy little adverts stressing that kinky women in my area are desperate to meet me. This is so untrue. I've approached most of the women in my area (it's a small community) and they show no inclination to meet me at all.

KEN LEVINE said...

I have Firefox. I have pop up blockers. I still get them. And when I'm on other computers I get them a lot.

Great Big Radio Guy said...

How does Netflix keep sneaking past pop-up filters? You're not the only one, Ken:

http://www.adultswim.com/video/?episodeID=32ad00fb303e80db01c0159c65001935

Mike Beckham said...

I am on Mac OSX with Firefox and Ad Block Plus and never get pop ups. Not sure about Windows - maybe something diff over there? Or sites you go to?

blogward said...

Don't work? You'd be surprised. I know somebody who clicked on "Your Computer Is Infected With Spyware: Click To Scan Now!" and actually paid to have his PC "cleaned". It was me who had to renstall Windows for him. These are the people who STILL think Nigerian bank scam emails might be genuine.

Jason said...

Using Firefox and Adblock and still getting popups? That ain't web sites, that's a virus. Possibly more than one. Lots of them install adware that link into your browser and generate popups that aren't on the original page.

Firefox, Adblock, Macintosh.

blogward said...

wot Jason said

emily said...

Larry King and a goat?

Yug.

I'm still shivering.

olucy said...

Egads, what do you have against goats?

Joe said...

You don't rant often enough. You have a knack for it.

WVW- Aceniqua: An ancient Roman R&B singer.

Vermonter17032 said...

I've often thought it would be an effective benefit of being a Netflix customer that you get some sort of cookie to put on your computer that keeps Netflix ads from popping up.

As for pop-up blockers, they seem to work fine when you first come to a web site, but click on any links in that web site and a pop up ad appears. That's one way around the blockers, it seems. And an annoying one.

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

Doug: For seven years I got phone calls asking for Chuck Shelley, who was an insurance salesman who'd had my phone number before it was assigned to me. I was a day sleeper and was annoyed as hell at these people, and especially at good old Chuck for not telling people he was retired or dead or whatever his status was.

Graeme said...

The problem is that if you could yank the hair of 10 million women simultaneously for next to no cost, and JUST ONE of them likes it, you win. This is why the evil douchebags that create these things will not stop.

Mel Ryane said...

GRRRR....so agree and I don't need a guy to pull out my hair I'm doing it already when the friggin' things won't disappear...click..click...CLICK. And what about the gross ones with yellow teeth or lizard skin...is that supposed to make me shop?!

tb said...

Do they really think I'm going to watch a thirty-second ad every time I want to watch a ten second news clip? It's gotta stop.

daveed said...

I second one of the previous recommendations for AdBlock Plus. Also look into installing NoScript; it's available for Macs, too.

Tom Quigley said...

Gave up trying to read today's post on my computer, Ken. -- Too many pop-ups... (I think I also may have accidentally ordered a wife via the Internet from some place in Bulgaria...)

D. McEwan said...

"Cap'n Bob Napier said...
Doug: For seven years I got phone calls asking for Chuck Shelley, who was an insurance salesman who'd had my phone number before it was assigned to me. I was a day sleeper and was annoyed as hell at these people, and especially at good old Chuck for not telling people"

Maybe he had a reason for not telling people, like the fact that he never worked for a real insurance company.

So few people, when absconding to Mexico with the loot, leave sufficient forwarding information.

Or maybe Phyliss Dietrichson bumped him off after he killed her husband for her. Are you sure his name was Shelley? Maybe that was just the name he gave "clients." Perhaps he was really named Neff.

Only last week someone knocked at my door, expecting to find the previous tenant still here. I've lived here for over 7 years. The look on that kid's face as she asked "Where's Mommy?"

Tom said...

If it's something like Jason said you should download either [Spybot Search and Destroy] or [Ad-Aware]

http://www.safer-networking.org/en/spybotsd/index.html

http://download.cnet.com/Ad-Aware-Anniversary-Edition/3000-8022_4-10045910.html

carlae said...

I'm gonna pile on and rant about the ads that pop up when I'm watching Televison, telling me about a program that comes on later. They need to just get their crap out of my eyes. ...there, I feel better now, too!

rhys said...

I just downloaded a plugin for Firefox called Adblock Plus, that drastically improves the ad blocking power of Firefox. It even removes those ad hyperlinks that get put into text. I found it through this post at Lifehacker: http://lifehacker.com/5349446/use-firefox-to-fix-the-webs-biggest-annoyances. I would check it out.

Barefoot Billy Aloha said...

Hey! Author X!!!

Your quote, "When you fart does dust come out?" knocked me out. Verrry funny.

I laughed so hard, I farted, and, well...you know...

i'mnotkellygainesboyd said...

Wanna know what kind of pop-ups reeeeeally annoy me, Ken?

The everyday pop-ups one finds all over the greater Los Angeles area, particularly the west side.
I'm talking about breast implants, over-inflated lips, botox and fillers galore....THOSE kinds of POP-UP ADS!!!!
It's a pop-up plague.
One woman's pop-up plight is another man's pleasure? Or something like that. Look. I am no writer. And I'm pretty much a stay at home actress as of late.
Pop-up ads do thy Ken much offend.
And pop-up ads of another color, should be.....well, popped!

Ray Randolph said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
geoduck said...

Ditto the comments about NoScript. If anything, it's too agressive at killing coding script. Use it and AdBlock both.

Anonymous said...

the reason you cannot relate to the success and persistence of such ads is because you are an intelligent man, and may not always be able to identify with what goes on in the mind of the many people who do, in fact, click on these ads.

Anonymous said...

agreed. you are the man. pop ups are the devil. NO BODY CARES... "Russian Girls Like American Men! CLICK HERE CLICK HERE... $500 Radioshack gift card!!!" the one. and only reason why i hate the internet.

Pappy Goodwill said...

I don't know if I could have expressed the acrid disdain better myself. There should be a near-death penalty for those who propagate this bane on humanity. I propose that their fingers be removed with a an 8-ounce ballpeen hammer.

Anonymous said...

The person who invented the pop-up ad should be punished by the most painful or sanity-destroying torture possible, like having surgery performed on the pop-up inventor with only a paralyzing drug and the ventilator to keep him breathing with no pain killer so he's fully lucid. Just like the flick "Awake".

People are known to have committed suicide when this happened to them. For best results, keep the popup inventor paralyzed in a sensory deprivation tank afterwards for a good long time, like weeks or months. Then lock him in a cell with no suicide weapons available for life without parole.