Saturday, August 15, 2009

My PLAYBILL bio: Aren't you impressed???

When the musical I co-wrote was produced I was asked to submit my bio for the program. The trouble is, if I list that I am primarily a TV writer it’s like putting a big target on my chest for New York theatre critics. So I thought I’d fudge, tailor it a tad for the Broadway theatre crowd. What do you think of this?


Ken is the adopted son of Stephen Sondheim. His godfather was Bob Fosse who he met while walking Gwen Verdon’s dog. He spent his formative years building the sets for LES MISERABLES. A Peace Corps stint followed where for two years he introduced the Broadway musical to poverty stricken villages throughout Cambodia.

Ken returned to New York where he walked Carol Channing’s husband. He became somewhat of a play doctor, coming in uncredited to save A CHORUS LINE, PROOF, SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE (originally titled: SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH SHLOMO). WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF?, AVENUE Q., AIN’T MISBEHAVIN’ (additional dialogue), GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS (talking Mamet out of the dance numbers), and THE ODD COUPLE (originally titled: TWO AND A HALF MEN).

An experimental work of his own played two nights in Boston and two nights in St. Louis. It was called the 2004 WORLD SERIES.

He has never seen a television show, watched a movie, or read any book not written by John Simon or Frank Rich.

24 comments:

Frank Abe said...

Schlomo? You made me laugh out loud again!

lump516 said...

So, any difficulties walking Carol Channing's husband?

bruce miller said...

that is fantastic.....both literally and figuratively!

Paul said...

You should use "whom he met", not who. Theater critics will mark you off for bad grammar.

Nikki said...

Ken you are just funny!

emily said...

a TAD?

Oh how I hate blowing coffee through my nose...

Joe said...

I'd say the hardest part is not walking Carol Channing's husband but, rather, curbing him.

WVW - "emoris" which is how Chico Marx used to get Morris' attention and not break character.

Janet said...

WHOSE Afraid? Surely you mean Who's...

blogward said...

Hmm. Not gay enough.

Ref said...

...Unless you meant that it's Shlomo whose afraid of Virginia Woolf!

Suzanne said...

I laughed coffee out my nose this morning reading this. God, you're funny.

John said...

I just want to know why you had to go and rework your 2004 World Series manuscript to throw in those steroid charges against Manny and Big Papi?

(BTW -- ESPN Red Sox trivia stat of the day Saturday -- the Sox' loss on Saturday means they are now 0-for-the-last-11-years on Ben Afflick's birthday since "Good Will Hunting" came out, while they remain undefeated during October, in games played on Matt Damon's birthday. Somobody up there has a sense of humor.)

Michael said...

You needed to talk about working at Lindy's or Sardi's. Or blowing them off.

thevidiot said...

Dwight Hemion used to add that he attended the Sorbonne where he alternated between surveying and a medical degree. Always loved it when it ended up in an interview.

Karen from Mentor said...

(talking Mamet out of the dance numbers) !!!!

oh man. still laughing

SharoneRosen said...

HILARIOUS!!!

(you left out the part about having to rinse out Fosse's dance belt in Dreft every night.)


WV: vandeore- designer soccer mom-mobile

D. McEwan said...

"Ref said...
...Unless you meant that it's Shlomo whose afraid of Virginia Woolf!"

No, that would still be "Who's". If you had an Afraid of Virginia "Woofe", and you wondered who it belonged to, then it would be "Whose," as in "Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolfe is this?"

Don Coker said...

Ken, I'm enjoying your blog! Funny stuff.

Ref said...

Thanks, DM. I sit corrected!

WV: orthora, a female orthor

Buttermilk Sky said...

Every actor bio I've ever seen in Playbill cites appearances on "Law & Order," so don't be afraid to mention that you've written for the best sitcoms of all time. Critics may sneer at TV, but theatergoers watch it.

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

Weren't you also Ernest Borgnine's best man when he married Ethel Merman?

Speaking of Schlomo, did you know that Smokey the Bear's real name is Schlomo Bernstein? He changed it for show business purposes.

Lisa Rothstein said...

Hey Ken

My sister, a NY playwright, sent me your bio. I for one have no problem with your being a TV writer, as I'd love to be one myself after a career in advertising. I'm new to San Diego where I wish you were still doing play-by-play for the Padres...the guys they have now are very nice but NOT funny...pretty much like everyone else in San Diego. Please drop a line if you are ever going to be back down here in your old stomping ground. I need a laugh!

Anonymous said...

Ken, whatever the animosity of the NY theater critics towards television writing, that cannot come close to comparing to the animosity you are likely to breed on the big broad way by invoking the memory of Boston's 2004 World Series -- especially since you, of all people, as a broadcaster yourself should remember the NY-Red Sox playoff series, including the Yankees' historic collapse after possessing a 3-0 series lead. Admittedly, the Mets fans might approve, but they're the ones who do watch TV.

D said...

Ken I'm going to be serious here, if you were a bad tv writer and not involved with some of the best sitcoms of the last 20 years then I can see the point of fearing the wrath of theatre critics ( just don't lead with Dharma & Greg) ; but you weren't. Cheers? MASH? The Simpson's? Come on those shows are part of our national cultural collective unconcious ( if there is such a thing). I remember that Oliver Hailey's bio's never mentioned his television credits only his plays his 3 broadway plays were one performance flops -and his better known ones were produced regionally or off-Broadway. I read the bio and thought - how does this man make a living? Why is he ashamed of the fact that he lives in LA and writes for telelivsion? Your fake bio is very funny , you're a funny guy but your creative life has been writing some really great stuff in a different medium - you should be proud of that.