THE PRIVATE LIVES OF PIPPA LEE – Robin Wright as a woman who looks back at her life. I wonder if any character says to her, “Well, Pippa, you made some bad mistakes in your life but at least you didn’t marry Sean Penn.”
ARMORED – Armored car robbery by its guards. Actually I wonder why this doesn’t happen 12,000 times a year.
BROTHERS – When Natalie Portman’s husband is missing in Afghanistan, she turns to his brother, Jake Gyllenhaal for solace. Uh oh.
EVERYBODY’S FINE – Robert DeNiro as a widower. That’s what Natalie Portman’s husband is going to be if he ever comes home from Afghanistan and finds her with his Goddamn brother.
THE LAST STATION – It seems like every holiday season we get another Leo Tolstoy biography. Christopher Plummer stars this time as the Tolster.
TRANSYLMANIA – All the finest universities encourage their students to study a semester in Transylvania. Transportation and lodging is provided but students are required to bring their own crosses.
SERIOUS MOONLIGHT – Meg Ryan. Title refers to the only way to light her now.
UP IN THE AIR – I couldn’t think of a better line than the one I used for the Fall Preview so here it is again. George Clooney is a habitual airline traveler who falls for another habitual airline traveler. “We’ll always have Tucson to Detroit with a stop in Dallas”.
THE LOVELY BONES – A low budget Peter Jackson film (which sounds like an oxymoron). A 14-year-old girl is murdered and there’s no giant gorilla or magic gnomes to save her.
AVATAR – The long awaited James Cameron sci-fi $9 billion-dollar 3-D blockbuster. Judging by the trailer, it’s about the Smurfs coming to life.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS? – Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant in the Witness Protection Program shuttled off to Wyoming where Brits and Jews blend right in.
POLICE, ADJECTIVE – Underground cop in Romania stakes out a pot smoking kid. Tim Lincecum stars.
ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: THE SQUEAKQUEL – “Let’s do it again!” “No, no, let’s not overdo it.” “But we want to do it again!” “No, really.” “We want to do it again!” “AL-VINN!”
THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS – Hopefully not this season’s MR. MAGORIUM’S WONDER EMPORIUM.
IT’S COMPLICATED – No it’s not. It’s FORMULA. Because it’s Nancy Meyers. Rom com for middle-agers. Expect a mixture of 60s hits, lame jokes, and cloying sentimentality. I dare you to make it through the trailer.
The Holiday Movie Preview concludes tomorrow.