Ho ho ho! It's time for this year's Holiday Movie Preview, or what you'll be seeing on HBO in February.
THE MESSENGER – Ben Foster just back from Iraq gets a fun job in the Army’s Casualty Notification service. And you thought those telemarketers were annoying…
OH MY GOD! – Documentary about faith where some of the world’s leading thinkers are interviewed – like Ringo Starr.
PIRATE RADIO – Hey, they finally released it! For a synopsis see my previous Fall, Summer, Spring, and Winter previews.
2012 – The world blows up. So take out those 30-year loans with big balloon payments in five years. Who gives a shit?
UNCERTAINTY – SLIDING DOORS but with coin flips.
WOMEN IN TROUBLE – Damn! No it’s not a women-in-prison movie. When are we going to get more of those? This is a comedy about the lives of ten women intersecting over the course of a day. Why can’t they do the same movie but they’re incarcerated?
RED CLIFF – Cut down from its original five-hour version, this is the story of China’s Han Dynasty. Now it’s half that length. They took out the whole vase industry thing.
BAD LIEUTENANT: PORT OF CALL NEW ORLEANS – I hope Nick Cage has better luck picking movie roles than business managers.
THE BLIND SIDE – Sandy Bullock takes in a homeless black kid who grows up to be a pro football player and he has the heartbreaking task of telling Ms. B. she’s too uh, “mature” to be one of the team’s cheerleaders.
BROKEN EMBRACES – the 149th collaboration between Pedro Almodovar and Penelope Cruz. This time she plays… aw, what difference does it make?
PLANET 51 – The Rock gets to really show off his acting chops. Animated movie about little green men.
STATEN ISLAND – What happens when the ferry’s late?
ME AND ORSON WELLES – Not a remake of JOSIE AND THE WHALE. This stars HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL’S Zac Efron as an actor in the 30s who talks his way into Welles’ Mercury Theater group. Most people have heard of either Zac Efron or Orson Welles. I wonder how many people have heard of both?
NINJA ASSASSIN – Korean superstar Rain stars in what I assume is a martial arts movie.
OLD DOGS – John Travolta and Robin Williams as two guys who have to baby-sit two seven-year-olds. God, haven’t we seen this movie two hundred times already? A better title might be OLD TRICKS.
THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG – Disney’s hand-drawn animated film. Should be enchanting, magical, and holiday fun for the whole family. And then a ride.