Thursday, November 19, 2009

Holiday Movie Preview Part 3

Friday's question has been pushed back till tomorrow. Too many movies, too few free passes. SHERLOCK HOLMES – Robert Downey Jr. plays the super-sleuth but with a twist – he’s an action hero. Catch phrase: “Ele-fucking-mentry, Watson!”

WHITE RIBBON – Various atrocities within a German village right before World War I. Perfect for when the kiddies are out of school!

THE YOUNG VICTORIA – Before she was a stuffy repressed wizened old crone she was known as “party in a bag”. Emily Blunt as the young Vicky.

YOUTH IN REVOLT – Michael Cera plays a nerd and his suave alter-ego in this adaptation of the novel. Not only is Cera in every youth oriented comedy made today, he’s now getting multiple roles.

DAYBREAKERS – An entire world populated by vampires. I can just hear the studio executive. “These kids today seem to like vampires. So let’s do a vampire movie. But make it different. Put in five vampires. No, wait! Better -- how about four billion?”

LEAP YEAR – Amy Adams schemes to propose to her boyfriend in Ireland on February 29th when legend says he can’t refuse. But she got the legend wrong and winds up in Brigadoon.

THE BOOK OF ELI – Hey, the Hughes Brothers are back! After an eight-year hiatus they return with a postapocalypic thriller. The only thing from our world that survives is Twinkies.

HOODWINKED 2 – Wait a minute. There was a HOODWINKED 1?

QUEEN TO PLAY – Action-adventure about a girl who falls in love with chess. Stars Sandrine Bonnaire who does her own stunts.

CREATION – Paul Bettany and Jennifer Connelly as Mr. & Mrs. Charles Darwin. Original Title: HEY HEY, WE’RE THE MONKEYS.

EDGE OF DARKNESS – Mel Gibson, so if it fails he’ll blame the Jews.

TOOTH FAIRY – This is what Hollywood is buying and making (actual logline): Dwayne Johnson is a hockey player known as the tooth fairy because he knocks out opponents’ teeth. But the REAL tooth fairy drafts him into duty for a week. For your consideration: Best Picture.

WHEN IN ROME – Thankfully, something a little more realistic than the TOOTH FAIRY. Kristen Bell steals coins from a magic fountain.

See you at the Cineplex!

18 comments:

sephim said...

CREATION – Paul Bettany and Jennifer Connelly as Mr. & Mrs. Charles Darwin. Original Title: HEY HEY, WE’RE THE MONKEYS.

I'm pretty sure Robin Williams will steal this joke for his next interview... except he'll adopt that voice thing he does when he's pretending to read headlines and everybody will love him for it.

Paul Duca said...

Random trivia....Mrs. Darwin's father was Joshua Wedgewood, of Wedgewood china fame.

J.J. said...

Tooth Fairy had 6 (count 'em 6! writers), not including the story guy. Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandell top the writer list.


Geez. I bet that first draft was super special.

Quisp or Quake said...

Friday question: I loved Stephen Bach's Final Cut (about the making of Heaven's Gate); Lillian Ross's "Picture" and "The Devil's Candy," ("Bonfire of the Vanities."). Do you have any behind the scenes favorites?

Mac said...

Paul Bettany as Charles Darwin?
I've seen that before, it was called Master and Commander

Ray said...

Hoodwinked (1) was actually very good, for a kids movie. Not that I'm suggesting you rush out to buy the DVD.

Fraser said...

Edge of Darkness: just like State of Play, go watch the original BBC miniseries instead.

Do remakes of British miniseries always use an Australian for the star?

Claire said...

LEAP YEAR – Amy Adams schemes to propose to her boyfriend in Ireland on February 29th when legend says he can’t refuse. But she got the legend wrong and winds up in Brigadoon.

She got the legend VERY wrong if she also managed so skip right across the Irish sea to another country altogether...

YEKIMI said...

Kristen Bell steals coins from a magic fountain.

So the alternate title for WHEN IN ROME could have been "Three Coins From A Fountain".

VP81955 said...

I eagerly await Nick and Nora Charles to be brought back as action heroes -- watch Nick gun down his foes and Nora do karate moves a la Emma Peel, while the couple holds onto their martinis! And don't forget an Asta with attitude...no longer a wire terrier, but a pit bull once the property of Michael Vick.

wv: "ingrin" -- what we'd have had if Ms. Bergman had followed the route of Carole Lombard and Jean Arthur and specialized in screwball comedy.

Emily Blake said...

Why is The Rock only doing shitty kids' movies now? I thought he was gonna be the new Jason Statham.

A. Buck Short said...

Ken Levine said

Friday's question has been pushed back till tomorrow.

As we say here in Texas, don't worry about it. It'll still be Shabbas.
.

Sean said...

I second the notion that the original Hoodwinked what quite good. Rashomon set in the world of Little Red Riding Hood. My daughters loved it.

blogward said...

"Do remakes of British miniseries always use an Australian for the star?"

Seriously, I think the accent falls better on US ears - for good guys, anyway. Dick Van Dyke's Meery Pawpens 'cockney' was more Oz than anything else.

WV: beato = mobster's labor-saving gadget.

dgm said...

I'm joining the Hoodwinked party! My kids own and love this movie. I've even gone so far as to put lines from the movie in their lunchboxes, and that makes me the best mom ever (to them.)

jbryant said...

J.J. - I dunno, it's quite possible that the first draft wasn't improved by the studio's gang-bang theory of rewriting. Not that I'll be seeking out all the drafts to settle the question. :)

Anonymous said...

YOU FOR GOT ABOUT NEW MOON. C'mon Ken, we all know you are a Twilight fan.

Tom Dougherty said...

I called this a while back, as a vehicle for Robin Williams!

Tooth & Nail: The tooth fairy is called out of retirement after his replacement signs an endorsement deal with a candy company bent on rotting out the teeth of every child on earth. The turncoat tooth fairy could be played by Dane Cook!

http://autodaddy.blogspot.com/2007/07/shazbot.html

Okay, it's not exactly the same, but I'm looking to sue any and all parties just the same. Just point me in a suin' direction, willya?