Sunday, November 01, 2009

Teacup Pigs

It seems the new rage in domestic pets is pigs –- teacups pigs to be exact (although not really exact because they’re only the size of teacups when they’re born. They grow to be teahouse pigs.). They’re clean, odor-free, very little shedding, won’t destroy your house (always a plus), affectionate, loyal, and won’t bark. Very few burglars are scared off by “oink oink” but what idiot gets a pig for security anyway?

They live to be about fifteen or twenty years and they can be trained to do things like ride skateboards and play golf so they’re perfect for bringing into bars. And if you’re really a sick individual you can teach it to walk around with an apple in its mouth.

Just like a dog they need exercise. You take them for walks on a leash. Think of how much better the Diane Lane movie would have been had it been called MEN WHO LOVE PIGS.

There are downsides to owning a teacup pig. Finding a kennel may be a major challenge. Very few have sties. Getting your folks to pig sit may take some arm-twisting. And apparently they have trouble negotiating stairs. Hitting a golf ball farther than Greg Norman is no problem but two steps between the foyer and living room is a major gadilla.

The big problem is they eat like, well… pigs. Meat, vegetables, Hostess anythings, dog food, even Popeye’s Chicken – you name it, they’ll gulp it. So you have to be careful to limit their consumption otherwise your cute little domestic pet will use your Chihuahua for dental floss.

My daughter, Annie would like a teacup pig. And she’s enlisting your help.

I am currently accepting donations to "Annie Levine's Teacup Pig Foundation." I promise to take good care of the little oinker. I'll walk him, cuddle with him, take him to the market, feed him roast beef, and take him "wee wee wee" all the way home. I'm currently deciding between naming him "Kosher" and "Traif," and would also like your opinion on the matter. Here are some reasons why I should own a micro pig:

1) They're adorable
2) I won't have the biggest nose on my block
3) We'll be Best Boars Forever
4) My dad would get a grand-pig
5) I heard George Clooney has one

How could you need more reason than that?

Love,
Annie

31 comments:

Bobby Rich said...

Two words: Swine Flu.

Alan Coil said...

They live to be about fifteen or twenty years and then bacon.

gottacook said...

If you can't decide between Kosher and Trayf, there's always Parve...

umbriago said...

Well, at least he'll never live with the threat of being eaten by you guys.

But seriously, don't do this. Pigs aren't meant to be pets. They're meant to be pigs. They WILL smell bad, especially if you feed it anything. So let them be pigs.

And while I don't know how old Annie is, project ahead twenty years in time. Is she going to really want a pig around the house? if not her...how about you?

Cranky Old White Guy said...

They're cute when little -- but like any other pig they grow as long as you feed them. "Hemi" was four years and 160 pounds when he went to live at a pig retirement home in Ventura County. We paid $40 monthly for a year til one day I figured out that, "Hemi" might already be bacon or pork chops and I'm paying for his upkeep monthly? A pig in the house was like having a Volkswagon inside. Never again!

Max Clarke said...

Why not a ferret?

I'm not a fan of unusual pets, there's usually a good reason they aren't the usual pets. When their novelty wears off, in the way bunnies become boring after Easter, you have an animal with some intelligence and feelings to deal with...for 20 years.

If I were looking for a pet, I'd visit the local humane society to find a dog or cat that would otherwise be killed. They aren't unusual, but they will appreciate the life and the love you give them...even the cats.

J S Swanson said...

Annie,
Step away from those Green Acres reruns. Before you commit to owning a pig - see if you can successfully do Farmville on Facebook for a month. That'll show you what it's like to be a slave to a pig. Of course, if you do come to your senses -- there's always the Pet Rock option. Stony & I have been BFFs since __ well F.

mental-lint said...

I think it's time to read Charlotte's Web again, and if you decide to go forward, ask your dad who should voice the spider.

Patrick said...

I guess I'm with the antis here, but I'm not so sure if the post was a bit, or not. Besides, who's to say you shouldn't own a pig in L.A., when a Saint Bernard is considered totally humane? When was the last time someone got lost in a blizzard in Santa Monica and needed an emergency litre of schnapps. In the mean time, you see bikini wearing chicks on roller blades attached to big, hairy beasts, cruising Venice Beach every day.

I think there's a joke in there somewhere (?) ...

l.a.guy said...

Here's the best reason NOT to own a teacup pig... Paris Hilton owns one.

I'd suggest reading this article before making pig plans.

Celebrity "Teacup" Pig Craze: Will It Create an Abandoned Pig Epidemic?

I highly recommend going the dog route. There isn't a mammal on the planet that is more adoring of humans.

Joyce said...

Cats like humans ... who else could they get to work for them so cheap?

Pat Reeder said...

We take in homeless and disabled parrots (currently have 15, ranging from a parakeet up through two African grays and three cockatoos), so I suggest you adopt a bird instead. Pigs are very smart, but parrots are smarter, live much longer, are easier to take care of, smell much better (some smell like potpourri), and they're better conversationalists than most people you'd meet on the Internet. I include the cockatoos in that, and all they do is say "Hi" and scream, which still puts them one word higher on the vocabulary scale than a lot of political bloggers I could name. A cockatiel is a perfect "starter bird." They're small and easy to take care of, but have very big personalities. Here's an essay I wrote about our late, disabled cockatiel Rosey that illustrates what I mean: http://www.lauraainsworth.com/news/rosey.htm

If you'd like to find a bird (or dog or cat) near you who could use a loving home, just go to: http://www.petfinder.com/index.html

Peter said...

Oh Annie, you ham.

Fred said...

Annie,

I am sorry to be one of the many, but I agree that it may not be the best idea.

I have on suggestion: if you must go through with it, how about getting an adult pig from whatever animal shelter accepts those things? The fact that they live 20 years means that unless you get one that is at least 5 years old you will have the pig until you are over 40! The next 20 years of your life are the ones during which you are most likely to marry and have children. Why complicate life with those pigs by gettin one before you even marry?

Good luck.

Mary Stella said...

What's best for the pig? Would Arnold have wanted to trade Green Acres for city life?

wv:cleoutat = Intended insult to the Queen of Egypt but missing a letter.

AlaskaRay said...

It gives new meaning to the phrase "bringing home the bacon".

Seriously, I agree that unusual or exotic pets are not a good idea. I used to help care for a number of abandoned exotic and often accidently mistreated pets (e.g. inappropriate diets or care leading to longterm health problems) at the Wildlife Waystation in LA.

Ray

Stef said...

Oh, come on, let the kid have her pig.
The whole world is going to end in 2012 anyway!

Rodney said...

I have to echo the don't get one because Paris Hilton has one-I absolutely love the South Park episode where all her dogs commit suicide at their first opportunity.

Anonymous said...

"Pigasus" is always a good name if you can't decide.

You can enter him or her in competition at the LA County Fair next year, giving your dad another excuse to the visit Pomona

If it doesn't work out, it can be trained to be pork chops

Anonymous bosch said...

I knew someone who though he bought a small breed of pig as a pet for his children.
it turns out that it was just young.
he now has one of the biggest pigs I have ever seen in the garden

Anonymous said...

Look what happens when you send a nice Jewish girl from Westwood off to college in the Midwest. She comes back and wants to open a
4H chapter. Good for her.

Anonymous said...

I say go for it. how do you "abandon" a pig anyway? I've never seen anyone leave a half-eaten ham sandwich, especially americans. There'll be a place for them once celebrities move on to the next fad.

Tom Quigley said...

Annie,

May I suggest an alternative for a pet? How about an iguana -- especially one that's intelligent enough to know where to take care of business? A friend of mine in Buffalo, Russ Scinta, gave one to his daughters when they were young and he developed a remarkable skill (the iguana, not Russ -- I'm not sure where Russ does his business -- see the YouTube video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNEh37M9KSQ). Unfortunately Iggy passed away this year (he was well into this teens), and when they had to dispose of him, they did the only honorable and obvious thing -- they took him to the vet (and you probably thought I was going to say they flushed him down the toilet)...

ardenswv said...

She did promise to "take it to the market". If I were the pig, I'd decline that ambiguously scary-sounding trip...

JessicaW said...

Would love to hear how this works out for you. My husband desperately wants a pet pig (he always has as he likes their personalities but doesn't like the shedding of other pets). I've heard some really mixed reviews of pigs as pets, so I've got anxieties about the idea.

blogward said...

What would Niles do?

Jim said...

Many of those who are expressing negative opinions seem to be giving out some misinformation.

To "two words: Swine Flu." here's 3 words, "Read A Book".

To the person mentioning someone's experience about getting a pot-bellied pig and the size it grew to, these pigs are pot-bellied pigs bred with even smaller pigs. But make sure if you get one, you are certain that the seller is reputable and isn't selling you something else.

Owning a pig is very demanding for several reasons. They are very intelligent and need a lot of stimulation and interaction. If they don't get that you may get behavioural problems. Pigs will do much better with company, so you'll do better to get two, they can get along well with dogs, but you need a laid back dog and you have to spend a lot of time getting the introduction done properly.

Owning a pig is for someone who has space both in their house and outside of it. Pigs and apartments are difficult, even little pigs. They need room.

Pigs are a big commitment, but are wonderful loving pets for those who can make that commitment. Don't get one if can't devote the time and attention.

Jimbo Jonze said...

Would a teacup pig eat ham?

Willi said...

SAY DO WHAT NOW? Ya'll got me straight trippin'!

Joyce Wells said...

Go for it Annie
Pigs do not smell. Will stay small if you do not overfeed it. Just like children if you feed it McDonalds type food it would be a hog. They can be loving pets, and love attention. you are welcome to visit my home to see.
Angel Enterprise Farm

Anonymous said...

I just adopted a nano mini pig from Angel Enterprise Farm in Florida. Our piggie has adjusted just fine to the family and that includes with our dogs and cats. Owning a pig has its challenges, nothing comes easy. So far training has been successful, I can't believe how smart he is!! Also sleeps the whole night and wakes up when he knows his humans are up. Anyhow, if you are looking to get a pet pig, look up Joyce and Angel Enterprise Farm in Florida. She cares for her pigs and is always willing to answer any questions you have prior or after adopting your piglet, very informative.