It seems the new rage in domestic pets is pigs –- teacups pigs to be exact (although not really exact because they’re only the size of teacups when they’re born. They grow to be teahouse pigs.). They’re clean, odor-free, very little shedding, won’t destroy your house (always a plus), affectionate, loyal, and won’t bark. Very few burglars are scared off by “oink oink” but what idiot gets a pig for security anyway?
They live to be about fifteen or twenty years and they can be trained to do things like ride skateboards and play golf so they’re perfect for bringing into bars. And if you’re really a sick individual you can teach it to walk around with an apple in its mouth.
Just like a dog they need exercise. You take them for walks on a leash. Think of how much better the Diane Lane movie would have been had it been called MEN WHO LOVE PIGS.
There are downsides to owning a teacup pig. Finding a kennel may be a major challenge. Very few have sties. Getting your folks to pig sit may take some arm-twisting. And apparently they have trouble negotiating stairs. Hitting a golf ball farther than Greg Norman is no problem but two steps between the foyer and living room is a major gadilla.
The big problem is they eat like, well… pigs. Meat, vegetables, Hostess anythings, dog food, even Popeye’s Chicken – you name it, they’ll gulp it. So you have to be careful to limit their consumption otherwise your cute little domestic pet will use your Chihuahua for dental floss.
My daughter, Annie would like a teacup pig. And she’s enlisting your help.
I am currently accepting donations to "Annie Levine's Teacup Pig Foundation." I promise to take good care of the little oinker. I'll walk him, cuddle with him, take him to the market, feed him roast beef, and take him "wee wee wee" all the way home. I'm currently deciding between naming him "Kosher" and "Traif," and would also like your opinion on the matter. Here are some reasons why I should own a micro pig:
1) They're adorable
2) I won't have the biggest nose on my block
3) We'll be Best Boars Forever
4) My dad would get a grand-pig
5) I heard George Clooney has one
How could you need more reason than that?