Monday, August 22, 2011
So do the math. If you watch six hours of television a night, you will die five years sooner. That means that the third largest cause of death, right behind cancer and heart problems, is the LAW & ORDER franchise.
Others in TV will dismiss this study. Just like Phillip Morris continues to make cigarettes, Tyra Banks will continue to host talk shows.
Me? I see it as an opportunity. BREAKING BAD and THE C WORD are both doing well (I hope they can live with themselves). I want to create a show about a guy who’s dying because he signed up for the DirectTV premium package. Black humor abounds! “I might as well sell DDT to farmers, I love WHEEL OF FORTUNE”.
Of course the study also admits that it’s inactivity more than the shows themselves that cause this hastened demise. Time in front of the flatscreen would be better spent exercising or being active in any other possible way. And a bad diet may be a factor as well. Personally, I like to think of a Double-Whopper as the food equivalent of Carson Daly.
But the survey goes further. Sitting in front of the computer six hours a day increases your risk of death by 40%. Yikes! Fortunately for me, no one ever reads my archives so I’m not keeping anyone for more than maybe two minutes.
But all of us computer users have to ask ourselves the same gut wrenching question -- just how important is watching porn worth to us?
And things get worse STILL. The study doesn’t address it but it occurs to me – if TV watching is hazardous, and computer time is hazardous, what about watching TV shows streamed on your computer? Why that’s just SUICIDE!
In any event, I think the lesson here is clear. Get outside. Do things. Be out in the world. Unless of course you do and get hit by a bus, or fall off a mountain hiking. You’d still be around 22 minutes longer if you were home watching THE TALK. You might wish you were not alive but still.
Stay tuned for my new series, THE TIVO WORD -- coming soon. (I'm rushing it so you'll still be around to see it.)
By Ken Levine at 5:56 AM