Thursday, August 18, 2016

WARNING! Watching too much TV can make men infertile!

Think about that, guys the next time you binge on MR. ROBOT (I’d say the Olympics but not many people of either sex are doing that).

Here’s the scoop: A study has found that watching more than five hours of TV a day can greatly reduce a man’s sperm count. By a third even! Yikes. One Jerry Lewis Telethon could make you sterile for life.

The study was conducted by Copenhagen University and the findings were published in the American Journal of Epidemiology. You can pick one up at the checkout stand of most supermarkets.

They also learned that too much TV lowers testosterone levels. (Either five hours of general programming or one hour of DOWNTON ABBEY.)

Binge at your own risk, fellas. No more GILMORE GIRLS marathons at the frat house.

Too much television on a daily basis also dramatically raises the risk of dying from a blood clot on the lungs. But it’s the “less lead in your pencil” that’s the real calamity here.

But there is good news. This study did not find sperm levels reduced by spending time at the computer.

So this poses some murky questions.

If you watch TV on your computer for five hours, is that still okay?


Is it number of continuous hours or content that causes a man to lose sperm if he binges on PARENTHOOD?

If you watch five hours of TV every day isn’t sperm count the least of your problems?

What if you’re sitting on the couch watching porn on your TV?

If you binge-watch FAST & FURIOUS movies, do you lose more sperm or brain cells?

Wouldn’t a laptop on your crotch for five hours be just as bad as THE TEN COMMANDMENTS on your big screen?

If these findings are true, how is any male between the ages of 18-29 fathering a child?

I present this as a public service – doing my part to help repopulate the planet and keep men from watching the last six Adam Sandler comedies and last five DIE HARD movies.   You're welcome.

15 comments:

Joseph Scarbrough said...

I don't want kids anyway.

Tim W. said...

How about if you're watching porn five hours a day?

Stephen Marks said...

While reading I just kept thinking about who was the better Darrin, Dick York or Dick Sargent.
It kind of spoiled the post for me. And the fact that Mr. Scarbrough doesn't want kids kind of disappointed me also. Oh well.

Betty Darling said...

For Friday questions. Have you commented on the Cheers on stage project. Years ago I saw the Brady Bunch on stage and it was amused at the satirical tone. I am near Boston so I'm sure I will read much about it after the September opening.

Ben K. said...

I watched family sitcoms for five hours a day and it didn't affect me -- I ended up with a teenage son who does well in sports but is always getting into jams, a younger teen daughter who's popular but cares too much about her looks, and a precocious preteen daughter who's smart and kind of a nerd but also extremely attractive for her age. I have a wife who's beautiful but not too beautiful, and we clearly love each other even though we're constantly trading insults. She's a stay-at-home mom who also has a high-powered job, and I don't even know how she makes that work. Of course, her equally beautiful sister is always hanging around too, but that's just because she can't get a date for some reason. We all live in a house that you would be amazed we can afford in the city where we live, yet for some reason we spend all our time in the living room. Did I tell you about our crazy neighbors? Anyway, my sperm count must be okay, because it turns out my wife may or may not be pregnant again -- I guess we'll find out in the fall.

H Johnson said...

This is a good thing, as each of the above commentators have demonstrated that they should not procreate.

However, it is unfortunately untrue. The latest census has shown than the most educated and employed segments of our population are having children at a rate of 1.5 children to each couple and the under educated, unemployed are reproducing at a rate of 4.2 children to each pair. Who do you think is watching more television? And can we blame Oprah and Ellen?

Aloha

ADmin said...

I was warning the guys in the waiting room about this before I went in for my vasectomy last year.

Joseph Scarbrough said...

@Stephen Aww, sorry, but it won't work out anyway. We come from very different backgrounds, different walks of life; our families would go to war; we'd have to make a suicide pact.

XD

Anonymous said...

That's either painful or boring...

Anonymous said...

So, watching those MASH and CHEERS reruns may not be good for my health? How do you sleep at night?


Xwordz

VP81955 said...

To H Johnson: Wasn't that the point of "Idiocracy"?

sanford said...

This sounds like another stupid study. While I don't binge tv shows I watch plenty of tv plus I am on my computer. My health is fine but I had a problem a few years ago. (could have been a problem if I had let it go). I am 69 and until a few years ago sex was no problem. I think the pill I am taken as caused a side affect of lowering my libido. I can't stop taking it to see if that was a problem or just a coincidence.

Johnny Walker said...

@Ben K So funny!

Devin said...

Tim W. said...
How about if you're watching porn five hours a day?


This sounds like a joke, but it's true. Some of us in the dorm had kind of an intervention last year for one of the guys. We had to. The dude had gotten totally obsessed with porn. All he did when he wasn't in class or studying was look at porn. Sometimes instead of going to class or studying. At first it was like a joke, but then we honest to god started worrying about him. Just hour after hour after hour staring at pictures and videos on his laptop. I mean, everybody likes a little porn now and then (okay, most everybody), but geez, there are limits. I mean, after awhile they all start to look alike, you know? But he got better, though, after our little thing with him. He's from a very conservative family and I honest to god don't think he'd ever seen porn before. I'm not sure he'd ever even allowed himself to imagine a woman naked. When he got to college and found this stuff he just got totally obsessed with it. Kinda weird.

Mark said...

If you're watching TV 5 hours a day, you probably don't have that much use for sperm anyway...