Thursday, August 18, 2016
Here’s the scoop: A study has found that watching more than five hours of TV a day can greatly reduce a man’s sperm count. By a third even! Yikes. One Jerry Lewis Telethon could make you sterile for life.
The study was conducted by Copenhagen University and the findings were published in the American Journal of Epidemiology. You can pick one up at the checkout stand of most supermarkets.
They also learned that too much TV lowers testosterone levels. (Either five hours of general programming or one hour of DOWNTON ABBEY.)
Binge at your own risk, fellas. No more GILMORE GIRLS marathons at the frat house.
Too much television on a daily basis also dramatically raises the risk of dying from a blood clot on the lungs. But it’s the “less lead in your pencil” that’s the real calamity here.
But there is good news. This study did not find sperm levels reduced by spending time at the computer.
So this poses some murky questions.
If you watch TV on your computer for five hours, is that still okay?
Is it number of continuous hours or content that causes a man to lose sperm if he binges on PARENTHOOD?
If you watch five hours of TV every day isn’t sperm count the least of your problems?
What if you’re sitting on the couch watching porn on your TV?
If you binge-watch FAST & FURIOUS movies, do you lose more sperm or brain cells?
Wouldn’t a laptop on your crotch for five hours be just as bad as THE TEN COMMANDMENTS on your big screen?
If these findings are true, how is any male between the ages of 18-29 fathering a child?
I present this as a public service – doing my part to help repopulate the planet and keep men from watching the last six Adam Sandler comedies and last five DIE HARD movies. You're welcome.
By Ken Levine at 6:00 AM