My trip to St. Louis

Took a quick trip to St. Louis with the Dodgers this weekend. Long enough to eliminate the Cardinals and move on to the National League Championship Series. However, on the bus to the airport we passed the Edward Jones Dome – a gentle reminder that Los Angeles may have beaten the Red Birds but St. Louis still has our Rams.

St. Loo is famous of course for the Anheuser-Busch brewery. Although locals insist it’s not the same now that the Busch family has sold it to Germans. They claim the beer tastes different. I couldn’t tell but I did notice the Clydesdales goosestepping in a recent parade.

St. Louis in the fall is highly preferable to St. Louis in the spring when there are floods, the winter when there are blizzards, and the summer when it is so hot and humid it’s like living in Fidel Castro’s mouth. The leaves were beginning to change, there was a crispness in the air, and late day shadows from the Budweiser billboards blanketed much of the city.

The signature Gateway Arch stands tall and shimmers, still awaiting a companion arch so that the world’s first ten story McDonalds can open.

Nearby is the Citygarden with a giant statue of Pinocchio. Why I don’t know. Maybe it’s a monument to puppets… or liars.

St. Louis is the birthplace of Chuck Berry, owner of many hit and police records. It’s also the “Home of the Blues”. Several cities claim to be the “Home of the Blues” but so what? George Clooney has eighteen homes. Why can’t the Blues have six?

In nearby Hannibal Mark Twain was raised. For more information about Hannibal (and this is true, you can try it) call 1-TOM-AND-HUCK.

Sports and Budweiser are very big here (no matter how it tastes). And there are some great restaurant/sports bars. Mike Shannon’s, Stan Musial's, Jbuck's. Every major figure associated with the Cardinals other than Jose Oquendo has his own eat-and-drinkery. The pulled pork sandwich at Jbucks is delish.

I tried to get some of the players to join me for a day at Sophia M. Sach’s Butterfly House but they passed. To their credit, they could have lied and said they needed to prepare for the most important game of the season but instead they just said, “No fucking way, Mary!” It’s taken me two years to earn that kind of respect.

There are quite a few casinos on the Mississippi River. They used to be on riverboats. Now they’re inland as far as the airport. A lot of Dodger per diem is currently in their hands. Some of these casinos are open 24 hours…

… as is Steak & Shake. There must be a thousand of these in the area. I don’t know about you, but when I get a little hungry at 4 in the morning, nothing satisfies my craving like a good T-Bone and vanilla shake. Not a good place to meet Orthodox Jews however.

Saw an ad for Pulaski County that boasted “Home of Fort Leonard Wood”. This is an attraction??? An army base in the middle of the Ozarks, out where Snuffy Smith lives? Leonard Wood (known affectionately as “Little Korea” in the winter) is hailed in the ad as – "the Perfect Setting For a Family Getaway”. Yeah, maybe the Great Santini’s family.

One of these jaunts to the “Show Me State” I’ve got to get to Branson. This is the town where entertainers go to die. Theater after theater offer such acts as Andy Williams, Jim Stafford (his big hit “Spiders & Snakes” changed the face of popular music forever!), the great Yakov Smirnoff (his ad says “you’ll laugh your YAK OFF!”), Paul Revere & the Raiders (good luck getting into those red velvet suits you wore in 1966), Amazing Pets, the Country & Hobo Show, and a Neil Diamond tribute (“you’ll experience the feel of Neil Diamond”).

To the business at hand, the Dodgers were there to face the Cardinals in the National League Division Series. The winner becomes the champion of, well… nothing. But they get to go on to the next round. The Dodgers came in needing only one more win. They got a monumental break in the game last Thursday when the Cardinals were leading 2-1 with only one out to go and outfielder Matt Holliday botched an easy fly ball that ultimately led to two unearned Dodger runs and the win.

A big question was how were Cardinal fans going to receive Holliday during the player introductions? If he were a Phillie or a Yankee his house would be burned to the ground and his family would need to enter the Witness Protection Program. But Cardinal fans are among the very best in all sports. Energetic, knowledgeable, and infinitely supportive. Holliday received a standing ovation.

The Cards play in the new Busch Stadium, just a stone’s throw from the old Busch Stadium. It’s in a perfect downtown location, right near the former home of the Museum of Bowling (not enough people signed up for their ten week course on “how to score”) and the Tums factory. Beyond centerfield you can see the Arch and the Old Courthouse. Fans pack the park and all wear red. It’s quite a sight. Except in April and September when it’s freezing and June, July and August when it’s unbearably hot, I love going to baseball games in St. Louis.

No one will ever take the great Vin Scully’s chair but I at least got to sit in it for a few moments. I hosted pre and post game Dodger Talk from the spot Vin occupied. No joke – it’s one of the highlights of my life.

The Dodgers won and it was only fitting that along with the champagne, they poured Budweiser beer all over each other. And me. I walked back to the hotel smelling like Kiefer Sutherland at any given 2 a.m.

My heart kind of goes out to the fine folks of St. Louis. Winter is coming, their beloved Cardinals were eliminated, and Rush Limbaugh now wants to buy the Rams. Budweiser sales should really skyrocket this fall.