Monday, October 12, 2009

Take the JON & KATE quiz!!

There’s been so much written lately about Jon and Kate Gosselin but how do you know what is true and what is just absurd? Test yourself on Jon & Kate! Answer these TRUE OR FALSE questions. Warning: some of them are actually TRUE.

Jon says he’s half-Jewish.

Jon signs up for J-Date.

Kate once had an affair with the Unibomber.

Kate made unauthorized withdrawals from their ATM.

Jon is selling his colonoscopy exam video to INSIDER.

Kate filed for child support.

Jon is one of 103 Major League ballplayers who in 2003 tested positive for steroids.

To earn more money Kate has signed on to star in a Toni Tennille tribute show in Branson, Missouri.

Toni Tennille set to star as Kate in upcoming biopic.

Jon’s kids are a quarter Jewish.

Kate goes to court to block scheduled circumcisions.

Blake Lewis idolizes Kate.

Kate has no idea who Blake Lewis is.

Jon drives a Kia. That must be the non-Jewish half.

Jon’s lawyer is having an affair with Kate’s lawyer.

Kate cries, “I can’t pay my bills!”

One of Kate’s children is really Tom Brady’s.

Jon blames Kate for having to send away family dogs.

Kate visits Amish farm.

Amish file restraining order on Kate.

Jon says he’s half-Amish.

Jon signs up for A-Date.

Kate claims Jon doesn’t floss.

Jon says sex with Kate is like “striking out the pitcher”.

Kate still buys Tang.

Jon recently won the Nobel Peace Prize. Republican say: “It could have been worse”.

Kate has eight Barry Manilow CD’s.

Jon wants them back.

Kate can bend spoons with her mind.

Jon used money from their joint account to sign up for the Sitcom Room.

Kate is suing Ken Levine to get the money back.

Ken is counter-suing Kate to get the fifteen minutes of his life back he wasted writing this quiz.



Brian Scully said...

Maybe I'm just showing my age, but I think these two are pieces of shit for making their living off their kids. Lazy scum like them don't deserve to have kids. Again, I'm probably turning into "Old Man Scully" here, but if they were any kind of decent parents they'd get off their asses and support their kids, financially by working at jobs for a living, and emotionally by loving their kids more than loving their fake celebrity-hood. And what's their reason for being famous again? Are they talented actors?... Writers?... Musicians?... Oh yeah, now I remember, they sold their kids to Reality TV. Scum.

YEKIMI said...

Sorry, this is one quiz I won't feel bad about failing because I can't stand "reality" shows because they're not reality! If they wanted reality they'd show all the boring stuff also, 24/7, like when they wake up, doing laundry, scratching their crotch, farting, spraying air freshner around, cleaning up dog vomit, cat hairballs, and so on and so forth.

Anonymous said...

This is great! They disgust me...their new show should be...jon and kate + H8...thx ken!

Tom Reeder said...

Ken, your background in entertainment and baseball makes you uniquely qualified to answer this one: Will Kate Gosselin ever patch things up with Hall-of-Famer Goose Goslin?

Joe said...

Coming next season, in conjunction w. Court TV Jon & Kate: Irate.

My WVW - "prowli": Mowgli's stalker cousin.

J.J. said...

@ Brian: Geez. I dunno, it's not like Jon and Kate sent their kids out to pick cotton for a living. Besides, what job would support paying for eight kids? Making a living from TV ain't a bad gig. Ask Ken.

Barefoot Billy Aloha said...

...and I'm pleased to say that I have no idea who those people are. I'm crushed.

Earl B said...

Kate still buys Tang.

And Jon begins buying Tang.

Unknown said...

Ken-- I've looked three times but can't find where you posted the answers. I just know I nailed this. - D. Reid

Rory L. Aronsky said...

And Jon begins buying Tang.

And poontang.

Cap'n Bob said...

They are ubiquitous, which is why I'm slightly familiar with who they are. But I'd sooner poke pencils in my eyes than watch their antics. If I want to watch reality TV, I'll tune in to COPS.

WV: glowity--what you get from working at a nuclear reactor.

Rose Vanden Eynden said...

No, no! Not you, too, Ken! I'm so sick of Jon and Kate I just want to tear my eyes out. Please go back to talking about interesting and fun subjects like CHEERS and MASH. I can't stand the thought of seeing these two on your blog, too!!

Vermonter17032 said...

I recently learned there is a reality show on TLC about a woman with 18 children... and counting! Doesn't TLC stand for The Learning Channel? I think the apocalypse is actually upon us. Seriously.

VP81955 said...

God must have a perverse sense of humor to have given sextuplets (and ensuing reality TV fame) to a couple obviously ill-equipped to handle such publicity. Had it not been for those multiples, they'd be having their little spats in deserved obscurity, not on supermarket checkout counters. They make the octomom seem respectable.

When I first saw headlines about "Jon and Kate," I had thought Ms. Hudson had found another beau; of course that was in the pre-Alex Rodriguez days. (Perhaps she wanted to outdo her mom in the ballplayer department.)

wv: "unteder" -- something I'll be glad to do...but first I'll need to learn how to teder.

P.S. Ken, I presume there is a tarp on the Dodger Stadium field as we speak, given the SoCal weather reports. Rain there rarely coincides with baseball season.

Roger Owen Green said...

Don't care. BIG time.

Anonymous said...

"Besides, what job would support paying for eight kids?"

This is probably something people should think about before blasting either Jon or Kate. Unlike a lot of other reality show folks, Jon and Kate may have never thought or cared about being famous. They could very well have just looked at it as a way to pay all their damn bills and ended up way over their heads.

That doesn't excuse all their behavior, of course.


Pamela Jaye said...

wow. so much I could say...

I wish I'd never heard of them, but I was watching before they were a big hit, as I've been interested in large families since Yours Mine & Ours and probably still have my magazines with the Keinast quints (alas I lost my Fischer quints)

How does one support a large family without being on TV? You could ask my grandfather, who had 13, but he's dead.

I do agree with Brian really. And back when I started watching, it wasn't more than an ep or two before Kate started reallu getting on my nerves, but that was back when Jon used to yell back (and we used to see it)

Comments on some Gosselins Without Pity postings are running to 1200.

And sadly, I'd probably ace your quiz, although I'm expending more attention today on Chuck, that on J&K. If only Chuck was in J&K's timeslot, I'd recommend an alternative.

as for TLC, I've been wondering for months when L stopped standing for learning.

and fun factoid - lately someone has chosen to blame Jon's then health insurer for not covering the type of fertility treatments where you could be sure how many embyros you fertilize, but one that was more of a hit or miss. Thanks, healthcare provider. We really "needed" these two on our screens...

Mary Stella said...

I never heard of Jon & Kate before their marriage problems. I wish I was still blissfully unaware. Let them keep their reality to themselves.

Now let's look at the really important events of the day. GO PHILLIES!

wv=rodspop: A-Rod's Dad

emily said...

Haven't they gone away YET???

WV: "gyncoc"
I don't even want to think about it.

playfull said...


Where W is 'who' instead of 'what'.

Buttermilk Sky said...

"Besides, what job would support paying for eight kids?" This is probably something people should think about before having eight kids.

VS: dysco. "I Wyll Survyve"?

Tallulah Morehead said...

"Cap'n Bob Napier said...
They are ubiquitous, which is why I'm slightly familiar with who they are. But I'd sooner poke pencils in my eyes than watch their antics."

Do they actually engage in "antics"? Do we get to see Jon hiding bimbos in the basement, or passing one off as his boss brought home for dinner when Kate comes home early, and all eight kids have different cover stories? Now there's sum farce!

I don't know. All I've ever seen of these two people are clips on THE SOUP, which are always of Kate verbally castrating Jon while he rolls his eyes, and headlines on the Entertainment page of the Huff Po, where Jon is always partying with Bret Michaels's cast-off skanks, and complaining about money. Do these constitute "antics"?

"VP81955 said...
God must have a perverse sense of humor to have given sextuplets (and ensuing reality TV fame) to a couple obviously ill-equipped to handle such publicity."

This "God" entity of whom you speak, had nothing to do with it. (Neither did Princess Ozma, nor Sherlock Holmes, nor any other fictional characters). It was the work of Jon & Kate themselves, apparently unable to handle birth control. Kids aren't "given" to you. You make them. Did you skip Health Class that day?

" Anonymous said...
'Besides, what job would support paying for eight kids?'
This is probably something people should think about before blasting either Jon or Kate."

No. This was something Jon & Kate should have thought about before churning out 8 kids. To return to my paragraph above, they were not dropped from Heaven, delivered by storks, nor found in a cabbage field. If you can't support 8 kids, DON'T HAVE 8 kids!!! J&K certainly CAN be "blasted" for unrestrained breeding. They didn't just wake up one day and find there were 8 kids there they hadn't had the day before. They MADE them. Intentionally.

The worst thing about this is that, despite never having read ANY articles about them, I know some of the answers to this quiz just from the relentless Huff Po headlines.

But two mysteries remain for me:

1. Having seen a photo of Jon shirtless, I wonder why anyone one would have even ONE child with him, let alone 8. Creepy and not-sexy at all! Nor is Kate any kind of attractive, but I'm no judge of women's attractiveness. (It's very clear, culturally, that many people find women very sexually attractive. I don't see it myself, but I accept it exists, like the myth of the honest, intelligent Republican. They say they exist, but like giant squids, no one has ever captured a live one. Just dead ones washed ashore on Fox News.)

2. Why has ANYONE ever watched their show? Why WOULD anyone not a member of their immediate family, or one of their friends if they have any, want to watch a second of it, other than scanning for absurd clips for THE SOUP?