Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Welcome to the Snark Tank

Here’s another edition of random (a)musings.

For members of showbiz guilds that hand out awards, screener DVD’s have started arriving for movies hoping to be in consideration. I got GRAVITY. It’s in 2D of course. If they wanted the voters to have the 3D experience they should have just sent action figures and the script.

If you’re working today, why bother?  Seriously. You know you’re not going to get anything done.

The new Sarah Silverman HBO special is hilarious.   I know it's getting mixed reviews, but I found it very funny.  So what if I'm going to a fiery hell for laughing at masturbation and Republican jokes? 

Wolf Blitzer was reporting on the Iran nuclear deal on Saturday night on CNN. Then he signed off by saying: "I'm Wolf Blitzer, reporting from Washington. The assassination of President Kennedy begins right now."

Great quote attributed to President Kennedy (although he probably just stole it from Marilyn Monroe or Angie Dickinson): “Only three things are real: God, human folly, and laughter. Since we can do nothing with the first two, we must do what we can with the third.” You can get an engraved mug of that at the Kennedy library. No foolin’.

The LA TIMES website still has a section for Emmys 2013.   You wonder why they're being sold for a bucket of chicken. 

HOMELAND used to be my favorite show.  Now it's just above the TV GUIDE channel guide crawl.  

Thanks again to all of you for the nice comments on my blog anniversary. Since there's nowhere to click "like" please accept my actual appreciation. 

It’s Tuesday. Why aren’t you in line already at Best Buy for Black Friday? USB cables half off!

Wedding bells for Charles Manson? She’s 25; he’s 79 and locked away for the rest of his miserable life. He denies the engagement. I guess he doesn’t want to be tied down. Or he's holding out for someone younger.  Or stupider (although I doubt that's possible).  Here’s a suggestion: If ABC is really looking to beef up ratings on THE BACHELOR….

It's not even December yet and I’m already tired of “Feliz Navidad.”

Dennis Rodman has been named GQ's No. 1 least influential celebrity of 2013.  Expect Donald Trump to fire his management team because he didn't win.  

President Obama is here in LA today clogging up traffic. He’s delivering a speech on the economy at the Dreamworks Animation studio.  I wonder if this will be the Dreamworks poster behind him: 

I love Stove Top stuffing.   And "Merry Christmas Darling" by the Carpenters. 

Great Huffington Post headline: 13 Famous Book Characters You Just Want to Slap. 

Another great HuffPost headline: Here’s That Photo of Jessica Alba Eating a Hot Dog You Wished For. 

Listening to football on the radio I’ve concluded you don’t need the analysts. They’re all so technical. Just once I’d like to hear this -- Analyst: “The nickelback found a crease in the five-man blitz coverage but saw one-on-one coverage in the flat forcing the pirateback to shift into a screen prevent defense.” Play-by-play guy: “What the fuck are you talking about? Nobody cares. You have a shitty voice. And you’re drawing on the Telestrator. This is radio you tool!”

People visit Los Angeles and see that restaurants proudly display signs that say “Established 1987” and laugh. But the truth is, that’s a long time for an LA eatery. R.IP. the Omelet Parlor in Venice.

You know what a great Christmas gift would be?  There are some catchy-looking book covers just to the right.   What about something like that??? 

I’m teaching a Foundations of Comedy class at USC. I love my kids. They loved THE PHIL SILVERS SHOW. Biggest laughs we’ve gotten this semester.  See why.  Watch the “Court Martial” episode NOW.  Come on.  You're not going to get any work done anyway. 


Tommy said...

"Dickinson," not Dickenson.

"Navidad," not Novedad.

It kills me that Phil Silvers didn't sell well enough on DVD for the whole series to be released. CBS releases three seasons of "Petticoat Junction" on DVD but only one volume of Phil Silvers. Geez.

Johnny Walker said...

Cross your fingers for Shout Factory: They've saved many a great TV show from VHS hell.

VincentS said...

Yes, Court Martial! A classic!

bill said...

I really really really wanted to like the Sarah Silverman special. Here last special was 8 years ago. Unfortunately I didn't laugh once and I kept thinking...this is the best she can come up with in 8 years?

Joey H said...

"Merry Christmas Darling" is one of my favorites, too. Karen Carpenter had such a pure voice.

But I also like "Turkey Lurkey Time." Go figure?

Terrence Moss said...

"The Court Martial" is my favorite episode of the limited episodes of "The Phil Silvers Show" I have seen.

Just brilliant.

I might need to take this class.

Hamid said...

I love Sarah Silverman too.

Don't give up on Homeland, Ken! Season 4 has got the greenlight, and I'm sure the writers have been playing the long game and they've got an epic finale lined up for this season to make up for all the slow episodes of Dana scowling.

Talking of restaurants in LA, have you stuck to your vow never to visit Jerry's Deli again? Your post a few months ago about the sickly waiter and poor service cracked me up.

By the way - "It's a stern mistress". "A stern what?!" Priceless!

Markus said...

I wouldn't even know why Jessica Alba would eat a hot dog I wished for, let alone why there's a photo of it.

Victor Velasco said...

Belated congratulations, Ken; thanks for your work... yes, the eternal greatness of Phil Silvers and Nat Hiken

BigTed said...

Sorry to hear that the Omelette Parlor is closing, if only because it was kind of an institution. But my few experiences there always consisted of waiting 40 minutes in the hot morning sun to order eggs that were just a little better than I could make at home.

Charles H. Bryan said...

I actually am getting a bit work done today (fighting the trend). But just to be clear -- is Sarah Silverman now masturbating about Republicans? Is that some new fetish? Are they like furries, but with lapel flags, stock options, and concealed weapons permits?

I tend to listen to football on the radio (so I don't end up potatoed on the couch in front of the teevee). What makes me laugh is when they say that a team is moving from "left to right", and sometimes "left to right across your radio dial". That's just a lie -- if I had my radio over on the other side of the field, I'd be hopelessly confused. If I had end zone seats, I'd be doubly hopelessly confused and would voluntarily submit myself for concussion testing. Also, what if my radio has digital tuning? Now there's no dial at all for people to march across, no matter what direction they may be going.

That's a lot of spatial thinking and detail tracking to ask from someone who just wants to listen to the Lions blow a home game against the Buccaneers.

Dana Gabbard said...

The news about the Omlette Parlor even made Eater L.A. (which has picked up on a few food news bits I passed along). My condolences.

We do have some eateries in L.A. open since 1924, 1947 and 1953. Three examples from my stomping grounds (mid-city/downtown). All beloved institutions much like the Omelette Parlor.

High rents, landlords convinced they can do better by not renewing leases (and often ending up with empty spaces for months on end) and the recession have taken a toll on many places. Casell's Hamburgers is an example of the latter. S*I*G*H

Anonymous said...

And in the seasonal news department, a man named Donnie Navidad caught a woman trying to commit suicide by jumping from the Oakland Raiders stadium. No joke.


And if nobody claims her in 90 days, he gets to keep her.

RockGolf said...

Donnie Navidad! Donnie Navidad!
He caught a woman who was falling down and that ain't bad.

Steven said...

Football analysts and coaches have always been too technical with their jargon for my tastes too.

Football players and coaches seem to revel in how the jargon has made the game needlessly complicated and created 10,000 page playbooks that need to be studied relentlessly.

Football players and coaches love to give the "I'll have to watch the tape" answer to difficult questions, indicating that the game is so complex that even for simple plays, a through analysis of game film is needed to describe what happened on a specific play. This explanation will no doubt be littered with football jargon. For all it supposed complexity, at its core football is no more complicated than any other sport.

Still, as suggested by George Carlin's classic Football vs Baseball bit, the jargon of football gives it a perceived complexity that doesn't need to exist.

Baseball has gotten more complicated with the advent of Sabermetrics, but unlike football this level of technicality isn't forced on the average fan. They can appreciate baseball statistics and strategy on a simpler level without feeling stupid.

D. McEwan said...

There's a presidential mug I will not be buying. "God" is not real, and we can at least try to do something about human folly.

I'm with you on Feliz Navidad, and go you one worse. It's still not even Thanksgiving yet, but last night I was annoyed to the point of leaving the store when trying to shop while The Most Monotonous Christmas Song Ever Written, The Fucking Little Drummer Boy, played endlessly on the store's sound system, to get shoppers into a "I'm going to go shop SOMEWHERE ELSE! mood.

I have that great Bilko episode on DVD, and Bilko has a "record all broadcasts" order on my DVR, which Annteanna TV delivers us two of every week. Incredibly great show, an opinion I've held nigh onto 60 years.

I believe Cantor's should have a sign saying: "We still have all our original waitresses."

Dixon Steele said...

There's something I like about Silverman, but not her stand-up work, which eludes me.

Tried watching her film JESUS IS MAGIC, which is 95% stand-up, and didn't laugh once. On the other hand, I liked her little musical interludes.

nospintravel said...

HOMELAND has so gone astray. Sad to see. dilemma for the writers is how to make sullen interesting.

Your opinion on the Cosby special. I laughed out loud, but that may only prove I'm older.

Jack Dawe said...

If you want to get a non-tiresome laugh out of "Feliz Navidad," just say "Release my Big Cod" to the next Christmas shopper you meet....

Cap'n Bob said...

I, too, love Stovetop Stuffing; we just bought three boxes. And jellied cranberry sauce. I loathe Best Buy. Boycott Best Buy.

When I lived in the Bay Area there was a great restaurant called Le Omelette, that made giant omelets, and you could get any of dozens of fillings. I liked turkey, cheese, asparagus, and mushrooms. Anyone know if they're still around?

Thanks for the Bilko episode, Ken. I'll see it later, after dinner.

Johnny Walker said...

Just skip HOMELAND and just watch THE WIRE. It's all the complex ambiguity and great drama with none of the crap. Guaranteed.

Nice dig at Gravity, btw. I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt the characters were wooden. (Such a shame that directorial brilliance should get served with subpar characterisation.)