July 4th leftovers

Many thanks to the Seattle Mariners for inviting me to pinch hit for a couple of games next week on their broadcast. I’ll be joining the radio crew next Thursday and Friday nights as the mighty M’s take on the Motor City Marauders (Detroit Tigers). If you’re so inclined you can hear the games in Seattle on KOMO 1000, the Mariners radio network, XM satellite, or MLB.COM. I did play-by-play for the Mariners for three years in the 90’s and it was the highlight of my checkered broadcasting career. So I’m very excited. I’m already practicing.

“Low. Ball two.”

Good news, ladies! Salmon Rushdie is available again!! His three-year marriage with TV’s TOP CHEF host Padma Lakshmi is over. (“Oh, come to me my little Padma.”) Now comes the speculation as to why. It was his fourth so perhaps that could be a clue. He was recently knighted and you know how knighthood always causes a strain on a marriage. He’s 60 and she’s 36 but I’m sure that had no bearing. Professional envy? They’re both authors. He wrote THE SATANIC VERSES and she wrote EASY EXOTIC: A MODEL’S LOW FAT RECIPES FROM AROUND THE WORLD. Her book is selling more. Could it be that Mirthala Salinas broke up that happy couple too?

Mirthala Salinas is an on-air TV reporter for Telemundo. Earlier this week it was revealed she is also the mistress of Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa (think Aceveda from THE SHIELD without pockmarks). There is some outcry that a reporter should not be covering a politician she’s sleeping with but no less than hizzoner himself calls her a “consummate journalistic professional.” My favorite part of the story is that a neighbor spotted Villaraigosa entering Salinas’ condo complex with take-out food and a bottle of wine. Why did the neighbor assume it was Salinas he was there to see in the 15-unit complex? “Because everyone else was older and Jewish,” she said. “I knew he was not going to visit an elderly Jewish woman with wine and food. “

“High. Ball three.”

Note to Phil Spector: GET A NEW LAWYER. His lead attorney Bruce Cutler will be missing some trial dates to film his new courtroom TV show, JURY DUTY. There will be some celebrity jurors on the show, including Phyllis Diller. Why bother writing satire when actual stories like this exist?

Alex Rodriguez's wife took in a game recently at Yankee Stadium. Class-ee shirt. FUCK YOU Real Yankee pride there. John Sterling, the Yankee announcer calls Rodriguez home runs A-Bombs. His wife wore an F-Bomb.

My favorite 4th of July tradition: the annual TWILIGHT ZONE MARATHON.

“Fouled away.”

EVAN ALMIGHTY, the first real bomb of the summer, stems from two different screenplays and the director-assigned writer. Both scripts were from teams. Originally all five writers shared story credit. One of the teams appealed the arbitration, claiming they deserved screenplay credit as well. Upon re-examining the material the team not only lost that bid but also lost their story credit. They’ve got a call in to President Bush to overturn the decision.

“Swung on and missed, strike three. Wait a minute, did he foul tip it? He’s going to first? Was he hit by the pitch? What’s going on here??”

I’ll be ready by next Thursday. I will. Honest.