Thursday, July 26, 2007

Dear Mr. Clavin

The Television Critics convention just wrapped up in Los Angeles. It was rather tame this year. No Aaron Sorkin to accuse me of being a hack. The only flicker of controversy was when ABC President Steve McPherson balked at making the big LOST announcement (Harold Perinneau is returning next season. He left his keys on the island and had to go back to get them.). McPherson was saving the big bombshell (?) for the Comic-Con convention this weekend in San Diego. Needless to say, the ink stained wretches were in a tizzy.

Melanie McFarland, the consistently hilarious TV reporter for the Seattle P-I, summed it up like this:

The very idea that a room full of socially awkward types who get paid to obsess over people and worlds that do not exist would be passed over in favor of a convention center stuffed with socially awkward types who obsess over people and worlds that do not exist -- while wearing costumes! -- was simply unacceptable. We are the true nerd herd, the gatekeepers of stupid information!

And other than that, there was little news worth printing. Not that they really grilled those on the hot seat before them.

During the HBO sessions the big question that everyone was asked was, “What did you think of THE SOPRANOS ending?” They were asking producers of other HBO shows. They asked Larry David. If you were associated in any way with HBO you were asked that question. So I figured, why stop there? I recently emailed both of my senators and my congressman. I also emailed Telemundo figuring that’s where my mayor spent most of his time now. I emailed my Governator. And most presidential candidates. I asked them all the SOPRANOS question.

And not one responded. Nobody. Nada. Zip. Zilch. The big goose egg. I at least expected the standard form reply “Thank you for sharing your view and you can be sure the senator is equally concerned and working tirelessly to resolve this vital matter. “

Not even that.

Even if they wrote back and began the note with “Dear Mr. Clavin” I would have been satisfied. But no.

So I’m guessing it was a really stupid question. Meanwhile, I’m still waiting to hear what they think of the new BIONIC WOMAN now that it’s been re-tooled. Stay tuned. Those emails should be coming in any minute. Yep. Annnnnnyyyy minute.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ken, don't feel slighted. I have written to the Seattle Mariners and to the Tacoma Rainiers to complain about the excessive and annoying noise from the p.a. systems at Safeco Field and Cheney Stadium without a response. I am absolutely agast that American culture has intruded to such an extent on a ballpark to make baseball unpleasant. I never thought that could happen.

Stan from Tacoma

Tallulah Morehead said...

I'm betting Walt won't be coming back to LOST with Michael. They've supposedly been on the island - what? - 3 months? It would be hard to explain why Walt is suddenly a foot taller and has a voice two octaves deeper.

Or maybe it's the magic of the island, like Locke's healed spine and Jin's now-fertile loins. Walt can be like a soap opera baby; you know, the ones who are conceived in February sweeps, born in May sweeps, in high school by November sweeps, and married by the next February sweeps. Baby Aron will probably marry Sawyer in the final episode.

Cheers darlings

The Crutnacker said...

From what I understand, Lost is also planning a cool crossover episode featuring Jeff Probst.

I can't believe that you didn't mention HBO's fake porn series, "Tell Me You Love Me", which answers the vital question, "What would the body double of a 70 year old Jane Alexander look like going down on her husband?" Apparently the big story was the cast and crew acting shocked that showing wee wees and woo woos (sorry for the graphic terms) touching or being touched would be a big deal on a pay cable channel.

VP81955 said...

Tallulah Morehead said...
I'm betting Walt won't be coming back to LOST with Michael. They've supposedly been on the island - what? - 3 months? It would be hard to explain why Walt is suddenly a foot taller and has a voice two octaves deeper.

Or maybe it's the magic of the island, like Locke's healed spine and Jin's now-fertile loins.


I can just imagine sending the staff of "The West Wing" to this island, and somehow transforming Kristin Chenoweth into Susan Anton.

The Crutnacker said...

One question about the Bionic Woman.....

Will any feat of strength be followed by the "do do do do do do do" sound that all of us kids in the 70s used to love to emulate when we played Six Million Dollar Man and Bionic Woman? And more importantly, will we get the 12 inch action figures with the scary skin you can roll back to expose parts your Jack Russell Terrier will choke on?

If not, the show will fail.

John said...

If any of those people had a sense of humor, they would have replied to you with a letter that ended in mid-sentence.

Dante Kleinberg said...

I sent an e-mail to Quizno's a couple years ago when they had those singing puppets on their commercials ("We like the moooon!"). I asked, why do you think your customers would want to associate rats with your food?

They responded with an actual snail mail letter explaining they weren't rats, they were sponge monkeys (or something), and they felt their customers appreciated quirky stuff like that.

So if you're looking for a business with time to talk, e-mail Quizno's.

The Curmudgeon said...

When will the Harlem Globetrotters be guesting on Lost?

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

When I did my first comic fanzine in 1969 I wrote to Nixon. Since he was V.P. during the salad days of comic book persecutions, I asked if he had an opinion about those days or comics in general. I got a standard form reply on White House stationery telling me that The President appreciated my letter but was too busy to reply to each and every piece of mail he got. Basically, I was told to fuck off.

tb said...

"Dear Milk Council - why do you refuse to give up on your latest disastrous series of stupid ads?
With the team breaking into a whatever...give it up!"

Anonymous said...

Yo Ken, do you know who this is? Guess!

... I'll give you a hint: poop links!

Do you know yet?

Primigenius said...

So who got the enviable job of re-tooling the Bionic Woman? Sorry, the adolescent in me just couldn't let that one pass.

D. McEwan said...

"Primigenius said...
So who got the enviable job of re-tooling the Bionic Woman? Sorry, the adolescent in me just couldn't let that one pass."

Well the adolescent in me thought that was funny.

Please don't tell Chris Hanson I have an adolescent in me.

The Crutnacker said...

I used to write prank letters for fun. If you care to read a few, checkout

http://www.cowcope.com/halletters.html

ravaj said...

saw a pre-airing version of the bionic woman. it was terribly dark. what i mean by that is almost all the scenes took place at night, in the rain, in alleyways or secret rooms in secret complexes. it was just hard to see anything most of the time. thus, i still prefer lindsay wagner trying to sell me a mattress.

which reminds me - is sigourney weaver really so desperate for, well, something, that she did that directv ad? *sigh*