Checking in on THE SNOBS

Self serving program note: I will be broadcasting tonight's Seattle Mariners game on both radio (KOMO Seattle, XM, and MLB.com) and on television (FSN Northwest). I will do this without the benefit of Eric Brynes and his dog in a kayak outside the stadium in the bay. Wish me luck.

Thanks for the very positive reaction to the scene from our pilot, THE SNOBS that I shared recently. Here’s that post in case you missed or purposely skipped it. So I’m posting more.

Quick refresher: THE SNOBS was a pilot we did a few years ago for Fox. It starred Paget Brewster about a family of snobs that lived in very modest surroundings. Karl is a professor at a community college dying to get hired by Stanford. His very prim wife, Beverly (Paget) is the admissions director of an exclusive private school. In the pilot, Karl has invited over Dr. Shapiro, the dean of history at Stanford (and his ticket out). This is Karl’s chance to impress.

At the same time Karl’s bastard teenage son (the result of a one night fling with a stripper in New Orleans) arrives. Karl ushers him into the kitchen as we pick up the scene:

INT. LIVING ROOM

DR. SHAPIRO
Karl, I have a question. Your curriculum vitae stated only two children.

KARL
Yes, that’s true. Clay is not my child with Beverly.

DR. SHAPIRO
Oh, I see. You were married before.

KARL
Uh no, I wasn’t.

DR. SHAPIRO
Oh… So you had a child out of wedlock?

KARL
(FLUSTERED) Well… no. Of course not. He’s really Beverly’s.

DR. SHAPIRO
(TO BEVERLY) Oh, the boy is your son?

BEVERLY
Uh, yes. Before Karl and I were married, I was involved elsewhere and had Clay. He’s lived with his real dad all these years.

KARL
His father was a senator.

BEVERLY
Now, Karl, don’t brag. Could I see you in the kitchen?

RESET TO:

INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS

KARL AND BEVERLY ENTER. CLAY IS AT THE TABLE EATING.

BEVERLY
Karl, are you daft?!

SHE SEES CLAY.

BEVERLY
Excuse me can we have a little privacy here for a moment?

CLAY
Oh, sure. By the way, beautiful kitchen. Is somebody in this house gay?

KARL
Why does everyone think that? Just because a man has a flair for the finer things in life, doesn’t automatically make him gay.

CLAY
Oh, this is waaaay more than a flair.

CLAY EXITS TO THE LIVING ROOM.

BEVERLY
My God, Karl, what were you thinking? He’s my son?!

CLAY
You heard Shapiro’s tone. I couldn’t admit that Clay was my illegitimate son. How does that look? What does that say about my character?

BEVERLY
What does it say about mine?! I’m the mother who abandoned him!

KARL
Ooooh, wasn’t thinking. Bev, this is Stanford! This is position. This is money. All the things we say we have? We’ll actually have!

BEVERLY
(DISGUSTED) Karl, there are some things money can’t buy. Like someone’s dignity.

KARL
How about a BMW?

BEVERLY
I want the Z-4.

KARL
Done.

THEY BOTH EXIT BACK INTO THE LIVING ROOM.

RESET TO:

INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

CLAY HAS MADE HIMSELF AT HOME ON THE COUCH WITH THE SHAPIROS AS KARL AND BEVERLY ENTER. THEY HEAR:

CLAY
Oh yeah, my mom used to be a stripper.

THE SHAPIROS LOOK TO BEVERLY.

BEVERLY
Oh God. (SOTTO, TO KARL) Now I’m a stripper?

More tomorrow.