Thursday, July 12, 2007

My mother the stripper

Hello from Seattle, home of the weirdest plays in baseball. Here’s what happens next in THE SNOBS. For the set-up, please see yesterday’s post.


INT. LIVING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

KARL AND BEVERLY SIT WITH THE SHAPIROS.

BEVERLY
I guess I got into stripping after my junior year in college. I was told I had the body for it. And all the good summer jobs were taken.

DR. SHAPIRO
(SUDDENLY FULL OF LIFE) So what exactly did you do? Did you have a specific theme or motif?

BEVERLY LOOKS TO KARL.

KARL
Of course she did. You don’t become the “Indiana Stripper of the Year” just by sliding down a pole.

BEVERLY
Now, Karl, don’t brag. (THEN) My motif… well, I was a literature major. So, I’d… ask the customers questions and for every right answer I’d take something off.

DR. SHAPIRO
What kind of questions?

BEVERLY
Well… on stage… a typical question I’d ask the sailors might be: What are the names of the daughter in Balzac’s classic, “Pere Goriot”?

DR. SHAPIRO
Oh, I know that. Delphine and… (SEARCHING) Oh, come on, Evelyn, you know this.

MRS. SHAPIRO
I’m not helping you.

KARL
Wait a minute. I know Balzac, that…

BEVERLY SHOOTS HIM A LOOK.

KARL
I’ll get Isabel.

KARL CROSSES UP THE HALL.

At this point Karl must put out several other comic fires.

MOMENTS LATER

BEVERLY’S IMAGINATION IS KICKING IN. SHE’S UP ON HER FEET AND GETTING SWEPT UP INTO TH FANTASY.

BEVERLY
There’s a certain freedom to being up on that stage naked, moving, giving yourself to the moment, to the music, to your body. And knowing that you – that shy little girl from Fort Wayne, Indiana – are driving all of those men absolutely mad. That they can look all they want but they can not touch.

DR. SHAPIRO HAS A GRIN ON HIS FACE THAT STRETCHES ALL THE WAY BACK TO PALO ALTO. MRS. SHAPIRO, ON THE OTHER HAND, DOES NOT.

MRS. SHAPIRO
You know, this is the latest Aaron’s been out in a while. And we’ve got a long drive back.

SHE PULLS HIM TO HIS FEET.

DR. SHAPIRO
Aw, I can sleep when I’m dead.

MRS. SHAPIRO
Aaron…

DR. SHAPIRO
I was just –

KARL ENTERS FROM THE HALL TO HEAR:

MRS. SHAPIRO
(EMPHATIC) Aaron, we’re leaving now!

KARL
What? Wait! No!

KARL RUNS TO THE FRONT DOOR.

MRS. SHAPIRO
Thank you for an interesting evening.

DR. SHAPIRO
Oh, goodnight.

MRS. SHAPIRO EXITS.

KARL
Wait! Don’t leave!

DR. SHAPIRO
Can I say something?

KARL FREEZES.

DR. SHAPIRO
I must admit I had my doubts about whether you were Stanford material. But as the evening unfolded I changed my mind. I’d love to see you and especially your wife at our next pool party.

KARL
Thank you. That means a lot.

DR. SHAPIRO EXITS. KARL TURNS TO BEVERLY.

KARL
We did it! He wants us!

BEVERLY
He wants me.

KARL
Who cares? We’re on our way!

KARL GRABS BEVERLY AND KISSES HER – THE MOST PASSIONATE KISS THEY’VE HAD IN A LONG TIME.

BEVERLY
(IMPRESSED) Oooh, Karl. You haven’t kissed me like that in years.

KARL
(EQUALLY IMPRESSED) And you. You’ve never kissed me like that.

BEVERLY
Well, let’s say this evening was … liberating. Want to go try out the gris-gris bag (Clay’s voodoo gift to improve their sex life)? Clay said put it under the pillow and good things happen.

THEY BEGIN PASSIONATELY KISSING AGAIN, AS THEY CROSS UP THE HALLWAY:

KARL
Clay… He’s a good boy, isn’t he?

FADE OUT.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ken --

It was great to have you back in the Mariners' broadcast booth! I'm a huge fan and it was a really pleasant surprise to switch on the radio and hear you again after all these years. I told my wife I thought I had gone to baseball heaven when I first heard your voice.

Great work tonight -- I hope you'll make many more returns.

A big fan in Spokane

Ger Apeldoorn said...

Thanks for the peek. I found the script getting more interesting by the scene. First scene had bit much set-up and leaned heavily on the 'intellectual prude' gimmick, which may have outlived it's welcome after Out Of Practice. The twist in de second scene was delicious and the jokes great. The third scene added a level of feeling that one wouldn't expect. The fear with such prudish charac ters always is that when something finally happens in the story, they will show very little emotion. Here we see the intellectual front is just that - a lid that keeps their boiling emotions in place.

Still, I am not surprised it didn't fly. As I said, I believe this type of character is very singular and to try another set after Frasier is risky. I think the biggest surprise of How I Met Your Mother is Neal Patrick Harris doing a reverse of the prude type he played in Stark Raving Mad. As it is, the script shows you and Dave are one hell of a writing team.

after this I'd be curious what some of your other pitched have been over the years. Have you ever pitched a blue collar series? Historicly, over here in Holland and certainly in Britain the best shows have been when a writer who doesn't really have blue collar sensibillities does a show about normal people. Somehow they manage to bring something to the shopworn premisse that real blue collar writers never can.

Frank Abe said...

You called a great game tonight, freaky plays and all. You were right to pick Beltre your "pick to click." Enjoy our great weather.

igorrnk said...

Nice blogg!!

The Crutnacker said...

I actually liked Out of Practice and was sad to see it cancelled.

Just reading the script, the pilot seems to do a better job establishing characters than many of them do. It's always interesting to see the first episode of shows you loved and see how many of them fail to find their groove for several episodes, and others seem to be ready from the start.

Anonymous said...

I watched an inning or two from Chicago via the Extra Innings package, but wasn't able to stay up for the late inning excitement.:-(

But I could tell, even with only a few minutes of watching, that you enjoy broadcasting, and can convey that sense of pleasure to your audience. It makes for good TV. And I might just stay up tonight for game two of the series...

NYLouOC said...

I (finally) remembered about you being on the Seattle broadcast when I saw that DIRECTV had a 'free preview' of the EI package, and had switched to the Tiger/Mariner game. I ran into the room with my XM radio, tuned it to the appropriate channel and....LOUD ROCK MUZAK....XM was having technical difficulties! Finally they cleared the problem up, and got to hear the most unusual paly by play voice I ahve ever heard ( and this is a New Yorker who has had to deal with such luminaries as Kiner, Rizzuto and the like...and its a good thing! Wayyy to many baseball announcers are alike - something I have learned with the XM MLB package...

For someone who has not broadcasted for a few years, it was amazing how little 'rust' there was in your job! And then having to do TV for the first time in your life, you have to say you deserve a HUGE round of applause!

Nice way to break in on TV huh? At least it was quick and didn't leave too much blood!

Will you be doing both ends tonight as well?

And is Dave Sims the guy who used to be a sports news guy here in NY?

robinz said...

It was so nice to hear you on the game last night.

anonymous said:that you enjoy broadcasting, and can convey that sense of pleasure to your audience. It makes for good TV.

and I realized that's it exactly.

Hope there are many more.

VP81955 said...

BEVERLY
There’s a certain freedom to being up on that stage naked, moving, giving yourself to the moment, to the music, to your body. And knowing that you – that shy little girl from Fort Wayne, Indiana – are driving all of those men absolutely mad.


The lady in my avatar hailed from Fort Wayne (and had her own way of driving men absolutely mad) -- though I sense this could be an in-joke reference to Shelley Long, the town's second most-famous comedic actress.

Had to work late last night, so I didn't get a chance to hear you, Ken. Will tune in XM tonight. Good luck with it.

Finally, just in case you haven't heard, WCBS-FM is back as an oldies station! It signed on at 1:01 p.m. ET Thursday with, appropriately enough, "Do It Again" by the Beach Boys. Sounds great -- a smart move by the new CBS radio management. People can go to http://www.wcbsfm.com to listen live and hear this revived, beloved station.

Dan Fiorella said...

Apropos of nothing---I'd thought you'd like to know (if you're not already aware) the WCBS-FM, the oldies station in NYC as returned. Then dumped JACK and brought back the oldies (tho' they're not calling them that and they dropped the 50s and they're including the 80s, which are oldies to somebody, I guess). They got a couple of the DJs back, so things are looking up here.

Dan Fiorella said...

sorry about the above...there's a difference between "thinking you proof-read something" and actually proof-reading the post.

David said...

Good job on the game. It was nice of the Mariners to give you some truly whacked-out plays to call. Hope you can keep your bearings for tonight's contest.

I'm really loving reading this blog - how about some audio of your calls? (especially the Beltre fiasco)

Mr. Peel said...

Funny scene from The Snobs, check.

Good looking picture of Paget Brewster, check.

All is a-ok with me.

VP81955 said...

Good job on the M's game, Ken...I liked the anecdote about the press conference and Ichiro's dog. Very clever.

BTW, both of Casey's home runs this year have been hit in Washington...the other came at RFK last month during an interleague series.

Anonymous said...

Ken -- great to hear you again calling M's games! I'm a die-hard M's fan who has been in exile (mostly among those nasty Yankee fans) since 1994 -- I assume my absence was a major factor in the 1995 miracle. I remember many long, painful nights listening to you and Niehaus during the Bill Plummer interregnum, particularly the night that a rookie M's reliever managed to balk a runner from first to second and then, a few pitches later, balk him from second to third by making a move to first base, having forgotten that the runner was no longer there... Was it a 10-run deficit that automatically triggered the two of you singing a chorus of the Wabash Cannon Ball? Anyway, great to hear that you've still got it in you!