Monday, December 15, 2008

Why Jennifer Aniston is a real MOVIE STAR

Boy, can Jennifer Aniston promote a film!
Have you opened a paper or magazine in the last two weeks and not seen Jennifer Aniston? Did she finance MARLEY & ME herself? Granted, when your comedy co-stars are a guy who once tried to kill himself and a dog it’s understandable that you’ll be doing most of the interviews but still. Does anyone have her publicist’s number? I bet I can get her to come on Dodger Talk with me on KABC. If you have an internet podcast give her a call.

Recently she posed nude for GQ magazine. Makes sense. That’s how I would promote a family dog movie opening Christmas day.

I can’t think of a single box office smash she has starred in. And yet, she receives this much attention. What it says to me is this : Jennifer Aniston is an official MOVIE STAR.

She’s got everything it takes. She’s beautiful. She shows her tits. She’s been dumped by a movie star for another movie star (that’s worth almost as much Hollywood heat as an Oscar), she dates other movie stars or rock stars, she’s not a Scientologist, and she gives really pithy quotes like, “What Angelina did was very uncool.”

So what if her filmography contains BRUCE ALMIGHTY, ALONG CAME POLLY, DERAILED, RUMOR HAS IT, and LEPRECHAUN? She gets on the cover of GQ. She shows up at premiers with John Mayer. The paparazzi count the number of times they hear her toilet flush.

About ten years ago I was in a movie theater on a Sunday night. Half empty house. Jennifer and Brad came in and sat down right in front of me. He looked scruffy, she needed a shampoo and was wearing glasses. No one bothered them. No one really gave a shit actually.

Here’s why at the end of the day I like Jennifer Aniston:

There’s no way she could do that today. There’d be photographers on my lap shooting the back of her head. There’d be guys on their hands and knees picking up her discarded popcorn kernels after she had left. And for all the attention and hype and fans who wear “Team Aniston” T-shirts, I bet she misses those days when she could just sit in the dark and be a schlump. That’s what I think the public senses too. She's a glamorous movie star but she's still one of us... occasionally... sometimes... on that odd Sunday. But that's enough. And that’s why ultimately her fans love her. And I do too – just not enough to spend eleven bucks to see her in a movie about a dog though.

Stay tuned for the finals of the Daffy Definition Kontest. They're almost here. Three judges have been hospitalized but the ones who are left have almost narrowed the 800 entries down to five.

37 comments:

HEATHER said...

OH COME ON KEN-you know the dog is worth it!!!;-)

It's okay said...

Movie star? Try Hollywood personality.

That aside, Marley and me is actually a good movie--for what it is.

Monty Ashley said...

Well, it wasn't a smash or anything, but Office Space was pretty good. Although I'm always kind of surprised that she's in it.

The Milner Coupe said...

Well, she's hot enough that you could get away with another post without the Kontest results! Well done.

Simon H. said...

i thought she did a great job playing a bored married woman who had an affair with a younger co-worker in "The Good Girl". If she did more roles like that instead of the big studio romantic dreck she keeps attaching herself to, I think it would be healthy for her, career-wise.

MFDub said...

Well, she has enough capital that she can take a while to find "that" role.

'course, some say "that" role was Rachel in which case she's going to be searching for awhile.

former agent assistant said...

She had an agent who once told her she needed to lose some weight. His name is Ken Kaplan of the Gersh Agency.

jbryant said...

Ken: Not sure what your definition of a box office smash is, but Bruce Almighty definitely qualifies (over $240 mil domestic), and Along Came Polly (almost 88 mil US) and The Break-Up (over 118 mil US) are no slouches either. Aniston may not have been the main draw, but she starred in 'em.

Eric Curtis said...

Oh, so she's doing this for a movie. I really should start reading the articles.

Dave Mackey said...

My wife and I were bored to tears with "The Break-Up." However, I did buy her the complete "Friends" DVD set one Christmas, so I guess we made our peace with Jennifer Aniston.

Why does everyone care about her social life? Cause she had - and lost - Mr. Dreamboat?

Monsterbeard said...

I think "she showed her tits" is why you get listed as pornography.

Every actor has a time limit. She puts herself on everything she can while she can and she's got that much longer until people stop looking.

Verification word: Ressessa. That's a field day.

Gridlock said...

I knew I should have followed my dream and been a male model.. Or a tie.

WV interoat - the space occupied by milk in a bowl of porridge.

mcp said...

Actually, this idea that she shows her breasts (I'm at work at can't type the "T" word) needs to be clarified.

According to my own research, Aniston has only officially exposed and given permission to show a full breast in "The Good Girl." The other full breast photos were taken by paparazzi (which she has sued to suppress) or in the case of the still from “The Break Up” Universal sued blogger Perez Hilton to remove it from his website claiming it was stolen property and copyright infringement. Even the “GQ” photos are not full breasts, but have Aniston draping herself with a tie. (The Aniston “Desktop Calendar” with a photo of her braless under a waterfall is not authorized and besides she’s wearing a shirt).

It is probably more accurate to say that Aniston shows a lot of cleavage. She does not show her “T” word all that much. However, that is not to say that she might not do so in the future. The time frame for this to occur might seem limited, but it should be pointed out that Jane Seymour did so at age 54. So, there is still hope for this to happen.

Verification Word: Peste - A French Bug.

rms said...

Admit it, Ken, you are missing that porn designation!

I agree about Office Space; I love that movie and am also always surprised to see Jennifer Aniston in it.

Am I the only one who doesn't find Brad Pitt attractive? I always found him rather moronic.

Tom Quigley said...

I worked on a pilot called MUDDLING THROUGH in which she was a cast member, and nobody knew her then -- probably most didn't even make the connection between her and her dad John. Happened to run into her backstage at craft services when we were both grabbing for the fridge door to get a soda out. Nobody was coddling her, nobody was with her, nobody was even near her.

Flash forward 2 years, during the second season of FRIENDS. I was head page for the crew handling the audience at THE SINGLE GUY, and her boyfriend at the time, Tate Donovan was guesting in a particular episode. At that point, FRIENDS had already become a huge hit; furthermore, it was just announced in the trades that she had signed with CAA for film representation. So in she came to the soundstage with a modest entourage of about 4 people, and we were able to seat her fairly discretely and inconspicuously. When the show ended however and the lights came up and people saw who was in the audience, she was mobbed -- not by regular audience members, but by other production guests and industry people. I thought "My God, look at the lemmings! They've just found their savior!"

That being said, finding nothing more beneath my tree on Christmas morning than Ms. Aniston and and a tie wouldn't be the worst way to start the holiday.... And she's in a movie or something that's opening next week too?...

Verification word: wiratrab -- What the White House Plubbers did in 1972 to the Democrabic National Headquarbers, which led to the Watergabe Scabble...

A. Buck Short said...

I've always thought of her as, well, "kind of a classy dame, with a great set 'o gams." And she's certainly the only one who could ever have had me fantasizing that I was John Mayer – one night twice. But then I’m old school. Which is why I'm now fantasizing about being the part of that old school tie cozying up to Jennifer’s right boob. (And I say right boob, mcp, because while you find it difficult to type the “T” word at work, I find that on the standard QWERTY keyboard, one is easily able to -- you should pardon the expression -- pound out the entire “B” word, using only the right hand. Freeing the rest of you up for other pursuits. But you already knew that, Ken.

That and the wonderfully wry (actually light-rye?) expression she can make her mouth do, and did at least once in every Friends episode --- even while delivering dialogue when necessary. By George, that’s it! No matter what on or off-screen predicament she finds herself in, to me she never seems “uncool” – even when playing frazzled.

I too could never bring myself to actually go out to a movie and pay to see most of what she’s been in --- although I'm sorely tempted to spring for the $3.50 GQ newsstand price to see what she's out of. I'd go as high as $4.50 for the cover issue with the bow tie. Especially if that can be amortized over the typical 20-25 year shelf-live similar previous purchases have frequently achieved. (Always try to speak clearly. My wife misunderstood my wish list and for Chanukah is getting me a subscription to something called “MenschHealth.”)

But if the flick shows up on TV, I’m there – and sometimes, but not always, there. I watched “Along Came Polly” last week (on over the air, broadcast TV – remember that?) and thought she was delightful, and oddly, as the alleged wild and crazy one, the one who actually balanced the expected over the top aspects of Ben Stiller’s ostensibly overly cautious character . Although even the TV commercials for Marley & Me also seemed to have sought the oddest placement on occasion, for a change, I actually enjoyed the scenes they selected to tease, and I definitely – definitely – can hardly wait for it to also be broadcast at no charge to us, the American home-viewing public.

As a last resort, one can also get by with the rationalization that the GQ appearance reflected not her latest cinematic vehicle, but that all-American girl image – as witnessed by the theme of the rest of the cover, “USA! USA! From JFK’s iconic prep to Obama’s laid back cool, all American style is back.” (Just have a look at Gov. Blagojevich – Travolta with Kennedy hair. Or you can visit his blag.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to head out for the office. As soon as I look up the phrase, "milking innuendo."

Emily Blake said...

I'll give her credit for choosing comedy when somebody with her looks could easily have chosen a more Oscar batey route. She did well in The Good Girl, but I get the impression she likes doing movies that are fun, even if they're not critical darlings. I don't feel like she ever fakes what she does, which is unheard of for an actress.

And I'll always love her for being Rachel.

emily said...

Possible New NBC Lineup:

6 am to 10 pm - TODAY
10 pm to 11 pm - LENO
11 pm to 11:05 - O'BRIEN
11:05 pm to 6 am - PAID PROGRAMMING

Josh said...

She was also in Office Space. Which is probably the biggest cult film of the 90s. (Is that even possible?)

Mary Stella said...

Ken, in the interest of EOE (Equal Ogling Experience) could you please find and post a picture of Hugh Jackman about as naked as Jennifer Aniston is in this shot?

Thank you!

wv is rancencr: We ran censor but the guy from Standards and Practices was faster.

rob! said...

maybe the next time Jen complains the paparazzi won't leave her alone, she should remind herself that she posed nude on a GQ cover--those kinds of things tend to attract attention.

but as a hetero male, i am thankful for the cover, as well.

Anonymous said...

I came to this site because I heard it was classified as pornography. I'm not dissapointed.

Kirk Jusko said...

Nude? Her hands and her knee are covering up those very features that make nude nude in the first place.

She might as well be wearing a bikini.

Kirk Jusko said...

I took another look at that cover.

A string bikini

leftfield said...

She's been nude on the 'net for years.

What, do you need some addresses?

Kirk Jusko said...

A G-string bikini

Joe said...

Ew. No shampoo?

Cooties the size of Buicks.

A. Buck Short said...

Kirk Jusko said...
Nude? Her hands and her knee are covering up those very features that make nude nude in the first place.

Product Displacement.

Innuit reporter lobs snowshoe at Sarah Palin. Film at 11.

Marcel said...

This bores me to tears. Reports were that last week she was crying to another magazine that she wanted her privacy back, and then she pulls a publicity stunt like this. Aniston is becoming like Paris Hilton. In the past five years, she is only famous for being famous.

Anonymous said...

I swear until I read the comments I thought Ken was being ironic or sarcastic....

A. Buck Short said...

Marcel said...
Reports were that last week she was crying to another magazine that she wanted her privacy back....
Garbo could have achieved that today by claiming "I vant to be a loan officer." (er, sorry.)

Anonymous said...

Aniston's already become famous for being famous- and being dumped. Every major hit she's starred in can be attributed to her co-star (you know, people who have multiple hits, like Jim Carrey, Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn). Aniston has yet to open a film on her own.

EDJ

rms said...

Oooh, I second Mary Stella's request for Hugh Jackman! Let's get that porn rating back!

Tallulah Morehead said...

Mary Stella Darling, check out the posting over on my flog for my November posting "VINDICATION" for plenty of Huge Jackman eye candy."

Cheers

Joe said...

I'm kind of amazed to see all these women tossing around the word "Jackman" with impunity.

PS My WVW is "palits" which are slightly adhesive friends.

Kate Coe said...

She's a TV star. TV stars have to be nice, with little or no mystery or hard edges, because they come into your home. She's not a movie star, never gonna be one.

And why is the spam verification
"jurenfir"?

Is this is code or something?

Anonymous said...

I think Jennifer is a movie and tv star, but importantly a great person who has not had a chance to shine on her own in the last 4 years. She has been overshadowed by her past/relationship with we all know who. Let's kudos to Jenn for staying grounded and being real. Give her the kudos she deserves and remember what it was about her that we all love...
The GQ cover is just a picture, but we should all know what a good hearted person she is. Hell, she is turning 40 all of us should be in such good shape...go jenn