Thursday, December 29, 2005

As we head towards the new year....

I bet NEW YEARS ROCKIN' EVE will get HUGE numbers. The curiosity factor on what Dick Clark looks like now has to be through the roof. If you see the American Bandstand set behind him you know he’s green screened.

I don't know, there's something freakish about this. But I guess that's one of the reasons PHANTOM OF THE OPERA is so popular.

Rain is predicted for January 2nd in Pasadena. For whatever reason it never rains on the Rose Parade. Might this be the year? If it does I hope Bob Eubank’s hair dye isn’t the kind that just washes out. Same with Stephanie Edwards’.

If you are from anywhere other than Los Angeles, a New Year's tradition is saying "who is Stephanie Edwards"?

I bet they wouldn’t hassle you at the unemployment office about not trying hard enough to seek work if your profession was parade commentator.

Does every float in the Rose Parade win an award? And all the awards are the same – “best use of animation”, “most creative use of animation”, "Best use of animation for a Texas float", etc.

Next month my gym will be packed. Everyone making their New Years resolutions. By February it will be just us regulars again.

And finally, as a special treat, a word from my daughter, Annie. You’ve met her in travelogues and the acerbic comments she’s posted. She’s my little Dorothy Parker without the suicide attempts. She has a request so I’ll turn over this over to her.


Dear Bloggers, Bloggettes and anyone else insane enough to read my father's ranting,

I'm a student at Northwestern and have a radio show on the campus station. It's supposedly been voted the top college station blah blah blah etc etc. (fill in credentials here). I co-host "Breakfast with Broadway" on Saturday Morning, that plays showtunes. (And I wonder why I have so many gay friends). So one week as a theme I was planning on doing the WORST songs in Broadway. i.e. "Turkey Lurkey," (Promises, Promises) "Shapoopy" (Music Man) and well... anything by Andrew Lloyd Webber. If you have any incredibly bizarre suggestions, I would love to hear them. Thank you!


P.S. You may NOT suggest a Stephen Sondheim song. Everything he has written is genius, and we will no longer be on speaking terms.


Anonymous said...

Alright, by responding I guess I'm now out of the closet as a fan of Ken's ramblings. That's OK, more room for Seacrest!

Annie, for bad showtunes look to Irving Berlin's final contribution to Broadway, the cast recording of "Mr. President"; it's on CD from Sony. Robert Ryan and Nanette Fabray play the all-singing, all-dancing Commander-in-Chief and wife. Memorable is first daughter Anita Gillete's first act lament, "The Secret Service makes me nervous..."

Also, Dad should be able to put the touch on Milt Larsen for a copy of his CD of 16 Broadway inspired parodies, "Smash Flops - Bon Voyage Titanic and other songs that sank". It's occasionally available at the Magic Castle's lobby gift shop.

Now please tell me that you are NOT majoring in Communications! Happy Jew Year.

Chris said...

How bizzare, I'm a student of dramatic writing at NYU, and I read to pick up whatever I can on the craft. Yet, the one thing I can comment on is bad music.

The worst show to hit Broadway was 'Carrie: The Musical,' based off the movie/Stephen King novel. You can find it under that title or under such mind altering recordings as Broadway Jukebox, Broadway Uncovered, etc. It opened and closed the same night... and by opened I'm pretty sure that's in regard to the previews (I could be wrong).

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Three words: "Seussical the Musical."

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Anonymous said...

Second the Carrie nom, in fact, I was pissed someone beat me to it -

The broadway musical IN MY LIFE just closed and it was so awful it was awesome to behold - written, composed, directed AND produced by one man - that would be up there - see if you can find it.

Anonymous said...

About three years ago I saw Bob Eubanks in a Target. He made an off-color remark to my daughter.

She was 9 months old at the time.

I'm still recovering.

Jon said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jon said...

Frank Wildhorn's catalogue makes for easy pickings (especially his subtext-free "Civil War" songs). And among the Boublil-Schoenberg scores, I've always thought "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miz is the perfect "going on at phenomenal length to travel very little distance" song. (It's "Shipoopi," by the way. Though why you equate silly songs with bad songs, I cannot say.)

Frank Strovel III said...

My suggestion: get out of radio! The corporates will eat you alive if you persue it.

Broadway suggestion: "1776" soundtrack

Lloyd Thaxton said...

Hi Annie:

I too had a radio show at Northwestern. As a matter of fact, WCAT was the first radio station broadcasting on the NU campus and I was one of the students that built it. That's why I got my own show. It was built into my construction contract.

Go You Northwestern?

Charlie said...

Is playing the entire "Legs Diamond" cast recording an option?

Barring that, I nominate "Zoltar Speaks" from BIG: THE MUSICAL.


Stephen Gallagher said...

I saw a show in the 70s called THE LIFE AND CRIMES OF AL CAPONE which included the number, Why Did They Build that Lousy Lake Right Next to this Beautiful Burg.

Anonymous said...

With the exception of "Popular", "I'm Not That Girl" and "Defying Gravity", the songs in "Wicked" are really pretty goofy.

Anonymous said...

way to go! i love crappy theatre music. some of the shows i've been in the pit for the only way we could stifle the gag reflex was to make up our own lyrics. . .correct with lloyd webber. . .the dude's only written one song and it's in every show. i had a solo on "music of the night", one night i played "don't cry for me argentina" another night "memory" another night "i don't know how to love him" for really bad show music though check out stuff that came and went really fast like "capeman" by paul simon, there were some real stinkers in "carousel" too. . .i got fired from a college radio show at asu when my friend and i started our own religion on the air it was the church of jesus rocket and the latter space cadets but that's another story. . .

Anonymous said...


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I think anybody besides the cast who sings "Memory" from CATS sounds just plain dumb. Midnight and the kitties are sleeping. Even Streisand couldn't save that.

If Gene Simmons sang it, it'd be a shoo-in for your show.

And of course, any tune from the original Broadway cast of "Upfronts and Personal."

Jaime J. Weinman said...

Crummy showtunes I can think of include:

"One Person" from Dear World (Jerry Herman). An incredibly lame march song, ripped off from every other song Jerry Herman has ever written, telling us that "If one person can beat a drum, then one person can change the world!" Probably not the best way to write a song for an adaptation of The Madwoman of Chaillot.

"Floozies" from The Grass Harp (great show, great score; this song sucks). "In secret rooms/ I tiptoe barefoot over naked bazooms."

"It's Super Nice" from Superman (Strouse and Adams are the greatest songwriting team of their generation, but most of their scores have one real clunker like this). What can you say about a song that includes the line "There goes Supe-baby, my oh my?"

There's a great Kander & Ebb flop score for the show 70, Girls, 70 that includes one real stinker, "Boom Ditty Boom." The lyrics are as follows:
"Boom ditty boom ditty boom ditty ditty ditty
Boom ditty boom ditty boom ditty ditty boom
Boom boom ditty boom boom ditty boom boom
Did he do it, ditty, did he ever do it, ditty ditty."

And I can think of a few Sondheim songs I'd rather not hear again (chunks of Sunday in the Park With George, that lame "Kanagawa" number from Pacific Overtures, anything in Passion consisting of the words "uniforms, uniforms" repeated over and over again), but I have to refrain from actually citing them lest I be banned from commenting....


Broadway turkeys: 'Too Many Tomorrows' from Sweet Charity; 'Everyone Complains About the Weather' from Calamity Jane.

Just awful.

And anything from Mack and Mabel - I hate that show!

Anonymous said...

one other thing, after actors realize that musicians get laid way more than they do they always want to cut an album. there have been evil show tune albums by some total non-singers like shatner. . .they would be great source material.

Sharone Rosen said...

tell Annie to contact He (Steve Yudson) produced a number of CDs of Broadway show flop songs!

Sharone Rosen said...

Hey... I wasn't done... from the Gershwin's OF THE I SING, the title song... anytime anyone sings that or WINTERGREEN FOR PRESIDENT a Gershwin decendent dies.
(and anything Andrew Void Weber would be redundant, but, my vote for his worst, the title song from SUNSET BOULEVARD). I'm done... oh yeah, Ken... love your posts, too...