Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Random thoughts

Is there anyone the Carver on NIP/TUCK missed? Series regulars, guest stars, extras, crew members who came too close. I hope they didn’t auction off any walk-on parts for charity. When the Carver was finally revealed to be the weird doctor I felt very let down. First of all, how obvious. And secondly, I was praying it would be Joan Rivers.

The Man From U.N.C.L.E. is to James Bond what NIP/TUCK is to Quentin Tarentino.

Next year Sean’s daughter Annie enters the 5th grade and becomes the next Dr. Kivorkian while son Matt learns he’s really Hillary Clinton.

Bring on the SHIELD.

Why do writers have an inferiority complex? In KING KONG the heroric gifted playwright loses out to the ape.

I enjoy HOUSE even though I don’t understand half of what they’re saying. And that's without Hugh Laurie's British accent.

What hospital has glassed in patient rooms? That’s gotta be a treat using a bedpan while people walk by. The good news is you’ve got a private room. The bad news is it’s in Macy’s window.

FAMILY GUY now makes the SIMPSONS look like Willie Mays the last year he was playing for the Mets.

I can’t wait for 24.

I too have been getting coded messages from David Letterman. Whenever he says, “Paul Shaeffer, ladies and gentlemen” what he’s actually saying is “I stopped being really funny when Merrill Markoe left as my head writer”.

I love Christmas TV marathons. Gave me a chance to sip some egg nog and catch up on BEING BONADUCE. Danny is such a tortured self-destructive but bright guy I would love someday to sit down with him and ask with great compassion if Susan Dey really did fuck David Cassidy.

Big article this week in the LA TIMES Calendar section on why the movie industry is in shambles this year. Too bad that everyone it applies to or could benefit from it is out of town in either Hawaii or Aspen.

Howard Stern is a genius. He makes a $500,000,000 deal, abandons the fans that made him so popular, and they come out in the freezing rain to cheer him on his last day. And he did it without Karl Rove.

I hope Deborah Gibson wins the ICE SKATING WITH THE STARS show.

Al Sharpton now says he won’t do a sitcom. America has lost one of its great funnymen. But he is available for the next edition of ICE SKATING WITH THE STARS.

Free Lil’ Kim.

Hey, what about Danny Bonaduce as the Carver? Now that would have scared the shit out of me.

Attention waiters: WRITE IT DOWN!! You do not have to be “off book” on my order.

Unless you’re David Duchovny and you’re married to Tea Leoni, why would ANYBODY go to see FUN WITH DICK AND JANE? And even then, I bet if he just bought her some necklace from Zales he could talk his way out of it.

And finally, I’ve asked this before and I’m serious – how do they make dippindots?


Karan said...

They make dippindots with a dippindopalator.

Anonymous said...

From dippindots.com...

"Microbiologist Curt Jones first pursued the concept of ice cream innovation in 1987. Curt’s knowledge of cryogenic freezing methods led him to thoughts of creating an ice cream treat consumers would value as unusually fresh and flavorful. Experiments with cryogenically freezing an ice cream mix made from an old family recipe led to the flash-freezing of the very first tiny beads of ice cream. Curt’s theory proved to be true…flash-freezing does make richer, fresher tasting ice cream. Plus, because of the small round shape of the beads his little ‘dots’ were irresistibly fun to eat!"

AND there is a TIMELINE of events. Because that is so necessary.

~Your daughter

P.S. look, I'm reading it!

Anonymous said...

Annie...so this is how you waste your time on the internet?

Robert Burke Richardson said...

Woohoo, 24! The Carver should have turned out to be George Mason, miraculously recovered from the nuclear detonation in season 2, and now covered with glowing dippindots.

Since we seem to have similar taste in TV shows, I have a request for advice from Ken (and those wise enough to read his blog): What older, now-on-DVD series do you recommend for those like me who are ignorant of the past? (I'm almost finished with The Prisoner).

Thanks much!

Anonymous said...

I just have to second the whole thing about waiters writing orders down. I'd say it's been five to seven years that the practice of not writing orders down has been popular in my neck of the woods, and I've been trying to come up with a reason why the restaurant industry would adopt that practice for the entire time. What is the benefit of not writing my order down? All it does is make it more likely that something will get screwed up. And don't get me started on the whole thing where waiters/waitresses sit down at your table to take your order...

Anonymous said...

at least when considering the genre of Remakes, by redoing Fun With Dick they finally chose a film that was poorly received and needed a remake...now Hollywood? Stop fucking with the classics and redo more stinkers

Cunningham said...

I agree with everything you said, Ken.

Besides 24, there's Battlestar Galactica, Prison Break and a few other 'not-so-guilty pleasures'.

Adam Renfro said...

God! Wake up, people. Dippindots are mined, much like sequins. It's in John Gibson's new book, "The War on Dippindots."

Charlie said...

It's people.

Dippin' Dots is made out of people.

They're making our food out of people.

Next thing they'll be breeding us like cattle for food.

You've gotta tell them.

You've gotta tell them!

~ Charlie

Anonymous said...


By Ken Levine said...

Does a week go by when a studio doesn't receive a spec screenplay about people being made into dippindots?

Charlie said...

Does a week go by when a studio doesn't receive a spec screenplay about people being made into dippindots?

Well... back in August I bought a new car, was kinda low on cash, and couldn't afford the weekly roll of stamps and jumbo box of Acco #5 brass fasteners.

Other than that... nope.

~ Charlie

Anonymous said...

Amen about The Simpsons; this is the year they finally slipped below the "must-see TV" horizon in our household.

My daughter has an interesting theory about this season's sudden, drastic drop in quality: she thinks all the A-team writers are working on the upcoming movie.

We're hoping that's true; if it is, they might come back and save Homer (the greatest comic creation of the 20th century, as some fancy college professor said the other day) from going out on such a lame-ass note.

As a plugged-in professional with ear to the grapevine, can you confirm or deny?

Kristen said...

(Looks at collection of Zales diamond necklaces)... so that's why nobody comes to my premieres...

Anonymous said...

The Dippindots were one of my favorite mid-70s groups. They did a cover of the Chambers Brothers' "Time Has Come Today" with a Merseybeat twist. Two of the Dippindots went on to greater success as members of The Bay City Rollers. Sadly, the third Dippindot, Erick MacTavish, died penniless in 2003. The other two are alive - but just penniless.

(By the way, my comment to Annie up there came off a lot snottier than I intended. I was wondering why she's screwing around reading her dad's blog when she could be productively doing some online investing by picking up one of these.)

Robert Hogan said...

Don't sell Fun With Dick and Jane short. At the very least sneak into the theater and catch the start of the credits. Funniest part of the whole movie.

Anonymous said...

I wrote dippin dots into one of my scripts. No humans. But maybe...? Hmm. No, better not, it's a family film.

What's the hate against Dick? Sure it's not the greatest, but it's okay. There is a list of many other films I would NOT want to see. Have you seen the poster for The Family Stone? It looks like you'd go to a two-hour therapy session. What fun is that?

-The Write Guy

Unknown said...

"My daughter has an interesting theory about this season's sudden, drastic drop in quality: she thinks all the A-team writers are working on the upcoming movie. "

I've heard absolutely nothing is happening with the movie. So, you know, don't hold your breath.

Anonymous said...

My theory on dippin dots is this: Since it's the "ice cream of the future", they clearly are made at some point in the future and brought back in a time machine. The travel through time is what freezes them. Plus, as long as they keep careful records of when each sale occurs, they can have each serving appear mere minutes before it is ordered -- so they have the ultimate just-in-time inventory! Really quite clever when you think about it...