Saturday, January 06, 2007

My predictions for 2007

The LA TIMES asked me earlier this week to give my predictions for the year. Since I can’t predict they’ll even print them (other than on their website), I’m posting them here and adding a bunch for blog readers only. Let's see how many I get right.

I look for Britney Spears not to be asked back for a Mouseketeer Reunion, Apple to introduce the ipod cellphone/video player/pacemaker/geiger counter/pocket fisherman/wii player/GPS system/potato peeler, Rocky Balboa to fight Jennifer Hudson, J.D. Drew will miss half the season, Lindsay Lohan will misspell her own name, Mel Gibson's next movie will delve into the misunderstood world of cockfighting, the first season of THE NINE will come out on DVD, the major networks will develop seven BORAT clones this pilot season, Keith Richards will break his leg falling out of bed, several Grammy winners will not be able to accept their awards at the ceremony because they're in jail, there will only be three Iwo Jima movies this year, the Kings will win another game, there will be a summer movie that Will Ferrell isn’t in, I will wish the L-WORD were more graphic, DEAD GIRL will not be adapted as a musical, Tim McCarver will call Albert Pujols “Ellen Pompeo”, Katie Couric will bow to research and wear lifts, Boise State will not repeat, Fantasia will be performing at Six Flags Magic Mountain, no star that gives birth to a baby will give it a decent name, America will get tired of Masi Oka (or at least I will), there will not be a sequel to ALL THE KINGS MEN, Dick Cheney will invite Nancy Pelosi to a hunting trip, Randy Jackson will quit AMERICAN IDOL but they’ll just use footage of him from last year and no one will know the difference, and finally, Time Magazine's Man of the Year will be not you but the guy standing next to you.

11 comments :

Seymour said...

I'm deathly afraid that your Will Ferrell prediction will prove wrong.

Kevin Breakstone said...

Wait a minute... the guy standing next to me was also Man of the Year this year. I take it they don't select the same Man of the Year every year... they just blocked out every candidate other than babies born in the following year...

Dwacon said...

I'll watch the Mouseketeer reunion if Cubby is present.

Reel Fanatic said...

Funny, funny stuff ... My money's definitely on Jennifer Hudson in that match ... She'll just bitchslap him into submission

Max said...

Finally, I laughed.

I've have a viscous stomach flu the last three days, diarrhea and the usual symptoms. Reading Ken is the first time I've laughed since Thursday. Nice.

mariner fan said...

Damn you, Ken Levine - I just stumbled upon your blog, read a few posts, and now my whole day is going to be shot reading the archives. I'm going to have to set an alarm to remind me when the Seahawks game starts. Damn you!

Hennell said...

I note no prediction you'll manage to sell your travelogues...

;)

Will Teullive said...

In 2007 Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones will both sustain injuries during rough sex.

Catherine will suffer a concussion from the headboard; Michael will break his hip after falling from the ladder as he watches through their bedroom window.

SharoneRosen said...

Jennifer Hudson will drop Rocky like, well, a rock

Anonymous said...

Mariner Fan: I hope you didn't miss the Seahawks vs. Cowboys game! Probably one of the all-time oddest but most entertaining football games ever! Go Hawks! #12

Logan Beaver said...

Your iPod predictions will all turn out true, but you forgot to mention that operating it will require a microscope and nanorobots (iBots).