Thursday, March 06, 2008

Spring Movie Preview Part II

Here are more Spring movies for your seeing or skipping pleasure.

NIM’S ISLAND – Jodie Foster in a physical comedy so she’ll probably go on a big publicity tour to warn the public of the dangers of losing your balance.

THE RUINS – A beast in the jungles of Mexico whose diet consists of nuts, berries, and American tourists.

SMART PEOPLE – Dennis Quaid gets hit on the head and starts sleeping with Sarah Jessica Parker, which explains it.

PROM NIGHT – A psycho killer spoils a senior prom when he brutally murders the beautiful attendees. I suspect the nerds of the world will be rooting for the killer.

SUPERHERO MOVIE – Spoof of superhero movies, directed by fellow blogger Craig Mazin. Could open directing doors for me and Perez Hilton.

21 – Kevin Spacey in Vegas caper. When big showrooms won’t hire him to do his cheesy Bobby Darin act he seeks revenge by swindling the hotels.

SHINE A LIGHT – Rolling Stones concert filmed by Martin Scorsese. Robert DeNiro as Mick Jagger.

STREET KINGS – Keanu Reeves. What more do you need to know?

HAROLD & KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY – Is it Oscar season already?

FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL – Guy goes to the tropics to get over his ex and bumps into her and her new beau. For the non-raunch version of this same story see “Adventures in Paradise” FRASIER, season two (written by me and my partner).

BABY MAMA – Tina Fey looking for a surrogate mother. I love Tina Fey. I’d have her baby.

THE TOURIST – New York City sex clubs and Hugh Jackman – something for everyone.

THE BANK JOB – or DOG DAY ELEVEN.

PARANOID PARK – Gus Van Sant movie. A skateboarder accidentally kills a security guard. What part of “Get out of the way!” did the victim not understand?

24 comments :

Nat G said...

Mock the Harold & Kumar film all you want, but I expect it will touch people in a way that all the other non-documentary war-on-terror flicks haven't... in the wallet.

(Glad you mentioned that you wrote "Adventures in Paradise" -- I really enjoyed both halves of that, particularly the ending of each half the first time I saw 'em!)

R.A. Porter said...

Today's half has more winners than yesterday's, I think. No pillow fighting, but more winners.
- Smart People kind of looks sort of maybe...ah hell. It's a renter.
- 21 is based on a fantastic book and true story and should be a blast.
- Harold & Kumar. NPH, baby. Can't go wrong there.

And I can't believe I'm going to do this on his own blog, but I think I can better a Ken Levine joke...

What part of "On your left!" did the victim not understand?

Paul Atkinson said...

The first Harold & Kumar was surprisingly hilarious, so I'll be seeing the sequel.

Tim W. said...

It's funny you mention the Frasier episode you wrote, because when I saw the trailer for Forgetting Sarah Marshall, that's the first thing I thought of.

And by the way, it's Leonardo DiCaprio that is playing Mick Jagger. DeNiro was busy filming Meet Baby Focker.

Lastly, I read your interview with theissue.com and couldn't help but notice that you mentioned one of my comments. You mind if I put that on my resume that we collaborated on something?

Sebastian said...

*snicker*

Ken, next time I'm in LA please let me come by and have you kick my ass on the walk of fame next to all those costume-wearing folks.

I'll could put that on my acting-resume as a collaboration ^^;

jbryant said...

De Niro was indeed going to play Jagger. He lost 120 pounds, got collagen lip injections and perfected that rooster strut. But he simply can't do accents for shit.

Keith Richards will be playing himself after first choice Jessica Tandy was deemed too dead.

emily said...

r.a. porter:

NOT better...

rob! said...

you know, there's a movie idea i've had in my head for a long time that stars both Tina Fey and Amy Poehler...oh, forget it.

the presence of Tina Fey might actually get me into a movie about "baby fever."

especially if there's an Indy 4 trailer...

Bitter Animator said...

Unless Harold and Kumar go for a touching and hard-hitting drama this time around, I can't help feeling that's in seriously poor taste, given the atrocities going on there in the name of the US people.

As an outsider, the thoughts of US audiences sitting around laughing at that sickens me.

John said...

If the beast drinks the water in Mexico, they can drop the 'i' out of the title.

A. Buck Short said...

John said...
If the beast drinks the water in Mexico, they can drop the 'i' out of the title.

Been there, done that. And that. And that. And.….. I was just about to mount a vigorous KL defense on the HAROLD & KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY thing based on comedic sensibility being an acceptable defense mechanism, etc., when I realized it wasn’t he who made up the title.

4-5 years ago our daughter brought Kal Penn’s brother Pulin down from Poughkeepsie to stay with us for some sort of animal rights activist prom or assault on Neiman Marcus or something like that. Proudly resisted the urge to larry-davidly suggest the bro’s name sounded like a heated football rivalry.

For some reason I really enjoyed both the post and the comments on this one. But, c’mon guys, can we get back on topic and fixate on spelling errors! Oh wait, maybe there weren’t any? Well then, let’s fixate on the fact that there weren’t any or at least try to compenSSate with our own in the comments.

------ low and outside.

zadig said...

SMART PEOPLE – Dennis Quaid gets hit on the head and starts sleeping with Sarah Jessica Parker, which explains it.

Perhaps I'm slow today, but are you saying that Dennis Quaid gets smarter, which explains why he sleeps with Sarah Jessica Parker? Or was that a dig at SJP? I'm going to assume the former, because who wouldn't sleep with Sarah Jessica Parker? She is teh hot.

R.A. Porter said...

There are a lot of reasons someone might not want to sleep with SJP:
- Fear of having your ass dragged to get a high colonic. Also, fear of having a high colonic in your ass.
- Not really sure what to do with her "Square Peg"
- Who wants Matthew Broderick's sloppy seconds?
- Shoe envy
- Not sure about Daddy Warbucks' intentions
- Fear of coming up short compared to Mr. Big

Anonymous said...

...and then there's sjp's horse face disfigurement.
~Rob

Anonymous said...

okay, so who gets waterboarded - harold or kumar?

charity said...

damn, my waterboard comment came up anonymous - sorry, ken.

BigTed said...

When I saw the ad for "Baby Mama" during the Tina Fey-hosted "Saturday Night Live" last week, I thought it was an "SNL" satire making fun of the recent spate of girl-talk pregnancy comedies such as "Knocked Up" and "Juno."

But, nope, it's a real movie.

Mary Stella said...

De Niro was indeed going to play Jagger. He lost 120 pounds, got collagen lip injections and perfected that rooster strut. But he simply can't do accents for shit.

But I thought he was adorable playing the fey storm master ship captain in Stardust.

I'm going to assume the former, because who wouldn't sleep with Sarah Jessica Parker?

I wouldn't. Wouldn't sleep with her husband either. However, I wouldn't need a hit to the head to sleep with Dennis Quaid.

Paul said...

Every time I see the title "The Ruins", I think it says "The Runs", which makes me believe it's a movie about Taco Bell.

A. Buck Short said...

I don't know if it's the SJP Sex and the City or the Daddy Warbucks reference -- but Evan Handler has been writing some pretty good stuff lately for the Huffpost, including March 2, "I can't believe I'm standing up for Obama...but I am" about buyer's remorse leaving the voting booth. If I could write that well, maybe I could be Harry Goldenblatt and make wild monkey love with Kristin Davis?

And is there anybody else out there who couldn't stop using "Sarah Jessica Parker" as an exclamation after hearing that on Will & Grace? MelinaKanakaredes! -- that’s annoying.

Tim W. said...

As a parent, I love the sequence from the Baby Mama trailer where Maura Tierney asks her young son whether he's covered in poop or chocolate. Tina Fey looks on in horror when she sniffs, then licks it and says it's chocolate. Tina Fey's comment "What if it was poop?!" was priceless.

James said...

Hey Ken! You forgot this one. Want to go with us?
http://www.horroryearbook.com/543085/jenna-jameson-and-robert-englund-in-zombie-strippers. The trailer is on Youtube.

Anonymous said...

Wasn't "Adventures in Paradise" originally called "Private Lives"? But you did add the tropical setting.

Have to post Anonymous because Google sucks.

jbryant said...

To those who post anonymously: Don't you have the "Choose an Identity" options? On my comp at least, below the word verification box, there's a list of 4 choices: Google/Blogger, OpenID, Name/URL and Anonymous. I click the circle next to Name/URL, type in my name, leave URL blank, and that's it. Don't have to sign up for anything. I've been assuming that everyone has the same choices.