Hawaii 3-0 part two

Part one here.
Hawaiian sunsets are God’s masterpiece.

Especially on Sundays at Little Beach. Aged hippies take off all their clothes, bang on drums, salute the sun going down, and smoke enough Maui Wowie to withstand looking at each other without any clothes.

Every trip to the islands I check out the local TV news anchors. It’s a revolving door of attractive Hawaiian women who studied journalism in charm school, transplants from Oregon, and Joe Moore. I love Joe. He’s the only newscaster in town with real credibility. And that’s even after starring as Ralph Kramden to Pat Sajak’s Ed Norton in a local stage production of THE HONEYMOONERS. “You know what we do with those terrorists, Alice? I’ll tell ya what we do with those terrorists. Bang! Zoom! Weekend weather is next!”

Rumor has it Hawaii hosted the Pro-Bowl (NFL’s all-star game)! In 2010 the event moves to Miami. In 2013 someone in Honolulu will notice.

But the real excitement was WHEEL OF FORTUNE filming on the islands, with Pat Sajak. “Hell-oooo vowel!”

James A. Michener was inspired to write HAWAII on the islands. My daughter, Annie worked on her spec BIG BANG THEORY.

Do not miss Mama’s Fish House (pictured left). Spectacular cuisine. Frank Sinatra, Aerosmith, and Abe Lincoln have eaten there so you know it’s good. Also try the General Store in Hali’imaile. It’s the best middle-of-nowhere restaurant you’ll ever (hopefully) find. The sashimi napoleon is orgasmic!

Not all Hawaiian music is the same. And a lot of it is gorgeous.

Maui onions cost more on Maui than in Los Angeles.

On the other hand, you get some pretty good deals on wine at Longs Drugs.

Sugar in the raw packets: sugar from Hawaii, packaged in Brooklyn.

A new Wolfgang’s Steakhouse opened on Oahu. And all the big celebrities turned out including Dog the Bounty Hunter.

I kept expecting the time-traveling members of the LOST cast to materialize one day in the Grand Wailea pool. And just before a cabana boy (who is really Sun’s half-brother and used to be Kate in another life) shoots them for not having guest wristbands, poof! They disappear and wind up in 1830 where they help Abe Lincoln build his grass cabin.

There are more Kindles on the beach than books.

What to do when the wind gusts up to 40 m.p.h. – take a whale watching sunset cruise. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a humpback whale… laughing at you.

Spotted on the side of a van: SURF LESSONS – WE SPECIALIZE IN BEGINNERS AND COWARDS

Golf Truism: You can’t pick up a club for the first time in twenty years and expect to hit worth a shit. I was Jerry Lewis in THE BELLBOY with a 5 iron.

I can’t believe how fast the month sped by. Only two days of heavy rain, three of hurricane-like wind, no statewide power outage the entire time, a mere 47 bug bites, and I only got sick once (whale retching). But I am left with cherished memories and from now on every time I see a penny or a five dollar bill I will automatically think of Hawaii.

Aloha,