Do they still give high school aptitude tests? These are supposed to help you determine what line of work you are best suited for. Even then I wondered what about spatial relations would indicate a proclivity for comedy?
I did not do well on these tests. Spatial relations for example. They’d show you some flat paper configuration and four choices of what it would look like if folded correctly. So they’d be houses and such. I finished in the 45th percentile. That’s George Bush and Jessica Simpson country. It was a good bet I wasn’t going to be the one designing Disney Hall.
On the English test I did so-so.
On the Math test I did so-so. I was a Math major in high school so that was somewhat disturbing. And I so wanted to invent a new Pythagorean Theorem.
And then there was Mechanical Reasoning. If Gear A turned right and Gear B turned left, what direction what Gear C turn? Should legs of a chair go above or below the seat? Those sort of questions. I placed in the 25th percentile. 25th!! That’s below morons, cretins, drooling idiots, and people in a coma. I may have had the lowest score in the history of California. How do I even tie my shoes?
Ultimately my scores were analyzed, the numbers were crunched, and the result: I should become a secretary.
I want to laugh and say these tests are bullshit. But you know what? I still type faster than any of my assistants.
And I have no idea how to open the hood of my car.
Monday, March 09, 2009
By Ken Levine at 8:50 PM