Saturday, April 05, 2008

The "Nightmare"

I just had “the dream”. More like “the nightmare”. You know the one – profession specific. In my recent case, I’m about to go on KABC and do Dodger Talk and I’m in a new studio and I don’t know where the mic switch is and the engineer is gone and the phones don’t work and I’m supposed to discuss the just completed game but I wasn’t there and have no idea what happened and I can’t find my commercial copy and I’ve got to go on the air in three seconds and…I wake up in a cold sweat.

Everyone has a variation of this dream.

A stripper’s on stage and her zipper is stuck.

An LAX parking lot toll taker has to move in real time, not slow motion.


You sign a lifetime contract to co-host THE VIEW.


A manager is trying to get O.J. Simpson endorsement deals.


A postal clerk’s break is over.


An AMERICAN IDOL judge suddenly draws a blank and has a vocabulary of only five words (Okay, that one was real).

A presidential candidate is under sniper fire in Bosnia.


What’s your variation of the nightmare?

23 comments:

Tim W. said...

My recurring dream doesn't necessarily fill me with fear. I've had a dream a few times where I show up at some sort of university and I have an exam, but never went to any of the classes. Ironically, though, that DID happen to me a number of times in real life, but I ended u doing fairly well. Amazing what the ability to bullshit will get you.

Ger Apeldoorn said...

When I was a professional diver I used to dream the pool was empty.

Bitter Animator said...

There's people telling me what a great job I have and I'm thinking, that's great, I should be happy, but then I go into that job and I find that it sucks my soul away. Then I go home and I have aged about 10 years and my hair is falling out. There's this thing I want to do but each time I try to start someone interrupts me - wife, child, dog, phone. And then...

Oh, you meant a dream?

Actually, my bad dreams usually involve stacks of severed limbs for some reason. Usually arms.

rob! said...

2008-2016: Hillary Clinton

2016-2024: Jeb Bush

2024-2032: Chelsea Clinton

2032-2040: Billy Bush

Mike Bell said...

I have a couple of them. The first very similar to yours. For some reason I'm on the air and we're still playing records and while one record runs out I try to find the next one to cue up and I can't! I just CAN'T!!!

In the second dream, I'm on set shooting a commercial, but I can't get my camera to focus at all. And my talent's drunk. And I'm naked from the waist down.

???!?!!

I read somewhere that dreams may not necessarily mean anything. They may simply be your brain running a diagnostic check to make sure you're "firing on all eight" so to speak.

I think that may be true.

Except for my dreams about being back in high school, trying to make it to class on time. Except I don't have my books, I don't know where the classroom is. And I'm naked.

Mike Bell said...

Oops, that should read "the talent is drunk" not "talent's."

Holy crap! I'm naked!

Yeesh.

Doktor Frank Doe said...

...You read too much Penthouse forum, hang an enema bag on the ceiling fan, then as things go wrong, you fumble in the dark for the light switch, and unknowingly flip the wrong one.

The Minstrel Boy said...

5 guitars, packed house, no strings.

jbryant said...

Before I moved to L.A., my dreams used to be filled with "celebrity cameos" - James Garner, Gene Hackman, Larry Hagman, Fred MacMurray (numerous times). Usually, they were pals of mine, though the MacMurray dreams typically involved my trying to get his autograph when he was old and drooly.

Surprisingly few female stars turned up, though once I got it on with Yasmine Bleeth. But get this - my own dream transitioned directly from the foreplay to the afterglow. I think there was even a quick pan to a fireplace. A PG-rated sex dream! I think that qualifies as a nightmare.

Now that I see celebs every week in real life, I never dream about them anymore.

Rory said...

"Except for my dreams about being back in high school, trying to make it to class on time. Except I don't have my books, I don't know where the classroom is. And I'm naked."

I have this one all the time. Though I am not always naked.

Julie O'Hora said...

Back when I was in sales, we were expected to sell at least 10 packages/day. I left that job a dozen years ago, but still have nightmares that I can't close my tenth sale.

Then, there are the nightmares in which I just can't break a story, but I'm awake for those...

Anonymous said...

With eyes bulging Larry Bowa finds he can't speak! Wrestling with helmet and chalk boundry he is reduced to tears like an infant who can't get his way

tb said...

I'm a drummer so: it's time to go on and I'm still trying to find my cymbals, or where's my pedal? Wait, it's in my car two miles away, everyone's onstage looking at me, looking at their watches...I'm fumbling around, sometimes there's a big name cat waiting on me as well..nobody's helping me..AAAgh!haha

Ken's Damn Friend said...

My nightmare is turning on KABC to hear Dodger Talk but instead, I hear Sean Hannity.

John said...

Hey, Hannity's the Phil Rizzuto of conservative talk show hosts -- i.e., he can't stay on topic for more than two minutes at a time without going off on a tangent, and is incessantly plugging something he's doing that has virtually no relevance whatsoever to the day's broadcast.

The difference was with the Scooter it was endearing after a while to see when he was going to suddenly switch over to discussing the top seafood restaurants in Bergen County or the merits of the upper vs. lower level of the George Washington Bridge as the best way home from the Stadium. Hannity's verbal wanderings always go into areas designed to get him some more outside publicity and $$$.

As for my recurring dream, it's a bizarre little number involving getting stuck on a Staten Island Ferry when the water runs out of New York Harbor and having to trudge through sludge to reach the shore (post-December 2004, I suppose there should also be some horrific tsunami part of this dream when the water rushes back in and tries to drown everyone, but it hasn't shown up yet. I guess my subconscious is falling behind on current events).

Jake Hollywood said...

I'm married to one of the View's co-host...and if it's that idiot Sherry (she's the one who still thinks the world is flat), I'm about two seconds away from a murder-suicide.

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

I'm trapped, the bad guys are closing in, and no matter how hard I pull the trigger my revolver's hammer won't fall.

or

I'm in a strange city. I call for a hooker. Paris Hilton shows up with an entourage.

Mary Stella said...

I go to the computer to print out the final version of my latest book and send it into my editor the day before deadline. I open up the Books folder and there's no file for the just-completed manuscript. Nothing. I frantically go through all my other folders. Zilch. I scramble for the flash drive because I obsessively back up my documents. It's empty.

It's like the book I labored over for months doesn't exist.

Laura Deerfield said...

When I worked in a clothing store (in college) I dreamed about color coordinating everything - I'd be in another dream and suddenly realize that the colors on the house I was passing weren't in the right order and freak out...

When I worked as a chef I dreamed about the food spoiling a couple of times - but more often had creative dreams about recipe ideas.

When I was a proofreader, I would sometimes wake up certain that I'd forgotten to check some vital piece of info in the disclaimer on a coupon, or used the wrong pricing chart - mistakes that could cost the company millions.

And now, as a massage therapist, I don't recall having had any work-related dreams. I was just thinking about that a couple of nights ago and wondering why. Guess there's just no anxiety attached. (I love this job.)

Darth Weasel said...

Presidential candidates surviving sniper fire.








seriously, wouldn't we all be better off having to choose "real people" instead of pre-packaged "centrists" who follow the most votes instead of their principles? Okay, bad example. I guess you have to have something before you can follow it...

Dhppy said...

Since I work sporadically, I'm willing to take on other people's work nightmares for them. I could use the experience. Please, just make sure you're wearing enough to cover your privates.

Karen said...

I was a bartender for 15 years before I grew up, got my degree, went to grad school, etc. But my anxiety dream is still the same: tending bar at a massively long bar (once, it was carside service at a double-boulevard intersection), where I'm never able to start making one person's drink before I have to run down the opposite end and help some other screaming person. This dream STILL makes me wake up in a sweat.

mark chaet said...

As an actor, I have had, of course, the typical actor's nightmare - onstage, no idea what my lines are.

But I have another that comes back from time to time. I realize I own a really cool old car, but I have no idea where I left it. Sometimes it's two cars, but usually one.

I have also had the one tim w. mentioned, and I also had that actually happen. Sophomore year, History of Western Civ., final exam, I'd only done the first 3 weeks reading. Failed the test, failed the course. This is why I've done so poorly in western civilization, I suspect.