Thursday, April 10, 2008

Ken's Komedy Kontest!!!

This is another one of my blog experiments. But one that could be very lucrative to YOU!!

In improv class this week Andy Goldberg came up with a great exercise. (Andy’s book on improv is the gold standard by the way.) He essentially gave us a MATCH GAME question. We then wrote out our answers and compared them. And I thought, “Hey, this would make a great contest!”

So here’s the challenge to you great comedy minds out there – I give you the first part of the sentence and you finish it. File your entries in the comments section. A noted Emmy winning comedy writer (not me) will pick the five finalists. (I won’t divulge who that is so that everyone who doesn’t qualify hates him/her.)

Once I announce the finalists, YOU will vote for the winner.

Enter as often as you like (within reason). They don't have to be Rated G but if the judge goes "Yikes" reading your entry you're pretty much dead. Oh, and this should go without saying but I'll say it anyway -- unless you leave a name your entry will be disqualified. "Anonymous" will not be the winner.

Deadline is 11:59 PM PDT Monday, April 14. That still gives you a day to fill out your taxes.

One final note: Please just enter the kontest and not comment on those who have. As is the case with writers rooms, writers need the freedom to pitch anything without fear of being ridiculed. And sometimes the most off-the-wall pitch is the one that hits a home run. So I have deleted a number of these non-pitches and will continue to if more appear. Come on, people. This is all in the spirit of fun.

"And what do I win?" you say, and "It better be good." Don't worry. It IS. As you know this is a BIG money blog. So I hope you’re sitting down because the winner of Ken’s Komedy Kontest will receive ...(drumroll)

A personally autographed collector’s edition script from AfterMASH!!!!! In mint condition!!!!

I know. How does he do it??

So now, with that amazing prize up for grabs, here is the sentence.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he __________________ .

Good luck laugh meisters.

454 comments:

1 – 200 of 454   Newer›   Newest»
Vince said...

Couldn't finish this sentence.

daniel said...

couldn't clean his banister with pledge

daniel said...

had three pellets removed from his left buttock after a failed shotgun wedding.

daniel said...

forced his sister Mary to change her name to Gertrude.

R.A. Porter said...

...avoided the Good Humor man. Anyone in a white jacket, really.

...bought a set of just "His" towels.

...got hives whenever someone did the Chicken Dance.

...leased his blowup doll.

...rolled a D20 on a first date to decide how much to tip.

...dated Liz Taylor.

...wore running shoes to his wedding.

Anonymous said...

had the words MY SUNNY DISCLAIMER tattooed on his penis.

daniel said...

broke out in hives after seeing the epilogue of that romantic comedy.

Anonymous said...

had a doormat with the word LEAVE on it.

Rory L. Aronsky said...

Stopped in mid-air after jumping off a building.

Anonymous said...

divorced his parents when he was in kindergarten.

Anonymous said...

kept a framed picture of Bill Clinton on his nightstand.

KEN LEVINE said...

What part of "don't submit an entry as Anonymous" did I not make clear???

DON'T SUBMIT AN ENTRY AS ANONYMOUS!!!!

It will not be considered. Thank you.

R.A. Porter said...

...answered Ken's challenge as Anonymous.

Andy said...

named his cat "we'll see how it goes"

Andy said...

...got pulled over because he couldn't pick a lane

hockeyfriend said...

never burned down the mental hospital.

Josh said...

checked his swing.

pulled out.

asked the waitress how much he should tip.

Carlo Conda said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he posted as "Anonymous" wherever he went.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he wore a condom when masterbating.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he didn't tune into shows after watching the pilot.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he considered AfterMASH out of his league, especially after staring at MASH from across the bar for 11 years and never having the courage to say Hi.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he handed his fiancee his wallet and the keys to his house after she proposed marriage to him.

hennell said...

...ended up getting committed.

Scott said...

...couldn't be sure he had a fear of commitment.

...became president.

...asked the audience whether he should phone a friend.

...posted his personal ad in the obituaries.

blogward said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he once got married nine times in a week.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he took his Mom to bachelor parties.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he got a parking ticket choosing food at the drive-thru restaurant.

JSWN said...

Oopsy Daisy. Sorry Ken. My excitement for the contest rendered me temporarily unable to read/follow directions.
I'm the dunce responsible for the above Anonymous posts.

Good Dog said...

...let himself go.

Lucy said...

...burned down a string factory.

Scott said...

...is waiting to see if the tenth dentist comes around.

...let the guys at National Lampoon kill that dog.

blogward said...

Are corrections allowed? If so,

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he once married nine different girls in a week.

Hell, I tried.

Mike Snider said...

...he wanted a chance to "see other mothers" in the Maternity Ward before agreeing to go home with his own.

MakeBelieve said...

Only dated women on death row.

daniel said...

his wife had to include an $8 million signing bonus.

JSWN said...

DID have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.

daniel said...

couldn't decide who to vote for: the purple or turquoise M&M.

Good Dog said...

Sorry, but could I amend mine to...

"...just let himself go."

Thankyaverymuch.

Michael O'Connor said...

. . . he only stayed in Rev. Wright's church for ten years.

jbryant said...

...only dated Alzheimer's patients.

...always wrote love letters in disappearing ink.

...wouldn't eat beans, broccoli or any other food that might repeat on him.

...wouldn't have any pets - except mayflies.

AHomer said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment, that he reminds his psychoanalyst about it at every session.

mj said...

rented his toothbrush.

kirk said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he's just had his 13th sex change operation.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he divorced his third wife while in the womb.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he became ambidextrous.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he would keep his eyes closed in a singles bar.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he would break out in hives at the hint of lingerie.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he only engraved his name inside his wedding ring.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he visits the Mosque on Friday, the Synagogue on Saturday, and the local parish on Sunday.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he abandoned every blog comment before fini...

DrBear said...

doesn't buy any two-DVD sets.

Jerad said...

Oh my lordy! I loaned that book to a friend of mine several years ago and he has yet to give it back.

anyhow.

"Danny had such a fear of commitment that he bought out the warranty on his dishwasher."

sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he never looked into his tissue afterwards...

chimezatmidnight said...

...divorced himself.

...became a Superdelegate.

...went FiCore.

ritaskleinewelt said...

... broke out in cold sweat and rusted through his platinum wedding ring the moment his wife slipped it onto his finger.

sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he fed the rest of Madeleine McCann to his dog.



Too soon?

emily said...

In the word's of the immortal Gene Rayburn, "Danny had such a fear of commitment that he blanked."
Charles Nelson Reilly?

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he married Rhea Perlman?

Oh.

Nevermind...

Hauke said...

...stepped only on the cracks in the sidewalk.

LouOCNY said...

...he is still deciding whether to leave the womb

LouOCNY said...

is still deciding whether that breathing thing is worth it

megamoose said...

...never tore off the "Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law" tag from his mattress.

Hauke said...

...he began his prayers with "To whom it may concern..."

Steve Zeoli said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...

... had "Whatsername" tatooed on his bicept.

... changed his name to Undecided Voter and moved to a purple state.

... never received any Netflix DVDs because he couldn't decide what films to put in his queue.

Jay said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he cut off his ring fingers.

gregorykelly said...

...didn't buy green bananas.

Danny said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he ...

Danny said...

that he ...

Danny said...

that he ...

Danny said...

that he ...

dammit! nevermind.

DodgerGirl said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...
wouldn't even walk through the pet food section of the grocery store.

Mary Stella said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment, he refused to use rechargeable batteries in his penis pump.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he wouldn't renew his Viagra prescription.

Smelvis said...

... couldn't even give his girlfriend ringworm.

Spike said...

That he sent love letters without a return address.

That he signed his love letters “anonymous”.

That he always turned back in the middle of a cross walk.

That he only dated Iraqi female suicide bombers.

That when asked as a boy “what do you want to do when you go up” responded, “Whoa, who said anything about being on board for this growing up thing?”

That after his wedding, he had his “I do” redacted on the marriage license.

Kris said...

...bought his house with a sub-prime loan.

...booked his honeymoon flight on American Airlines.

Smelvis said...

... dated Sybil.

(Or he had such a fear of dignity that he dated Cybill)

Brian Scully said...

... that he would only watch new TV Series starring Jason Alexander.

Joseph said...

...only bought "Fun Size" candy bars.

...his favorite candy is "M"

(OK, so I'm hungry this morning. Sue me.)

sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he wrote a spec script for Firefly.

Kris said...

...was married at the Yearning For Zion Ranch.

Dan Fiorella said...

...that he could eat just one.

...that he only dated the terminal.

Owen M said...

cut his own umbilical cord.

leases his socks.

only wears a stop watch.

jobed out of preschool.

webbie said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he never watched a mini-series.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he rented socks.

Tom Quigley said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he --

....only went to the first Harry Potter movie.

....chokes every time he tries to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

....would only vote in the Democratic primaries if he was a resident of Florida or Michigan.

....declined to be bailed out by JP Morgan Stanley.

....refused to pass "Go" whenever he played Monopoly.

....repeated sixth grade four times when he found out seventh grade was at a different school.

....fakes orgasms during sex.

....is still using Windows 98 on his computer.

....doesn't sign his income tax return.

....will only run the first three miles of a marathon.

sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he came after she left.

Jack said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he took thirty-five minutes to choose a lab partner.

Anonymous said...

These are all great. Keep 'em coming!! (I'm not a writer or a comedic writer, just a lover of funny shit.)

Stacey

PS: I noticed a lot of you are confusing indecision with fear. My husband can't make up his mind over which process cheese slices to get at the grocery store, but when we got married, he was calmer than I was. Just pointing that out. :-D

Sam Kim said...

...only bought unisex clothing. Just in case.

...only drove a rental car.

...only dated men. In Iran.

...rehearsed his break-up speech before his first dates.

Mark said...

wouldn't even sleep with himself.

Tom Quigley said...

One more (for now):

....never Super-Sized his meals at McDonald's.

Anonymous said...

Too bad this one was submitted under Anon. It's quite funny.

"divorced his parents when he was in kindergarten."

If this one is yours, resubmit it with your name. Seriously.

Stacey

sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he swore a "Let's Just Be Friends" of Allegiance.

C. A. Bridges said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he refused to take his parents' name.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he only dated fictional characters.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that his artificial heart was rent-to-own.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he was never married to the mob, they just kinda hung out together.

sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he only had Rice Bubbles that went Snap and Crackle.

Man From Yesterday @www.mrpophistory.com said...

puked on his lady everytime the word came up.

Tom Quigley said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that --

....his ringtone played "Don't Bother Me" by the Beatles.

sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he never knew who Kaiser Soze was.

C. A. Bridges said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he never gave his dog his real name.

RAC said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...

...practiced Houdini's straight jacket escape every night.

...bought his psychiatrist twelve kinds of couches.

...got a second opinion on his eye color.

...dated only sexually ambivalent Emo chicks on Facebook.

...always ordered a Tall, Vente, and Grande at Starbucks.

...ate only surf and turf.

...was murdered by customers behind him at Baskin-Robbins.

Cathy Krasnianski said...

...He starved to death.

...Only dated women with short-term memory loss.

SonicTooth said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment the he wouldn't commit to his fear.

scottmc said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he said he'd get married only after the Tampa Rays win the World Series.

SeanK said...

..used only paper plates and sporks.

...doesn’t own furniture.

...always buys refundable tickets.

...doesn’t own a freezer.

...doesn’t use Tupperware.

...doesn’t even have preset radio stations.

AnimeJune said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he couldn't even give his bathtub a ring.

Dan Hilton said...

...writes "No Thank You" in the SPOUSE field on his taxes

...is a member of DEharmony.com

...never talks to the same girl twice - including his mom.

Michael Sterling said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...took a solemn oath, there and then, to never commit to anything ever again.

cpo snarky said...

can't even engage himself in conversation.

refuses to read "Us" Magazine.

his favorite song is "Tea for One".

Greg said...

He signed his Marriage License in invisible ink.

J.J. said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he/she couldn't decide if he/she was male or female.

Gary Mugford said...

that he got NBC to cancel Las Vegas before the baby could be born.

Sutterbomb said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he underwent shock therapy in '87 and has been happily married ever since.

Tim said...

bolted from his mother's uterus after 3 months.

Drovers said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he wears a fake wedding ring since 8th grade.

WF said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...

…was known to his friends as “Dan the man-woman”

…died of chafe from wearing boxers AND briefs.

…stroked out in the checkout line after being asked “paper or plastic?”

mark chaet said...

...kept his paranoid ravings to himself.

Steve Zeoli said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...

... always brought out his Hannibal Lector cookbook when making a romantic meal for his latest girlfriend.

... refuses to vote in California elections because there's always a proposition or two on the ballot.

... he thinks Sleepless in Seattle is a tragedy.

Steve said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...

...renewed his restraining order on r.a. porter and mikeyb.

Seriously, stop polluting the vote, sock puppets!

Steve Zeoli said...

Danny has such a fear of commitment he...

... can't even pick his nose.

... shouts his own name during sex.

[here's one for the cynics]

... lived a long and happy life.

Jim Endecott said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he signed up at eHarmony.com and they gave him frequent flyer miles.

Jim Endecott said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he considers himself the one that got away.

Jim Endecott said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he called Dr. Laura and she wept.

Tom Quigley said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he --

....became a programming executive at NBC.

....never went into the closet to start with.

Jim Endecott said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he was banned from Hometown Buffet.

Jim Endecott said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he roots for the NFC West.

Jim Endecott said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he killed himself and lived happily ever after.

Jon Ericson said...

... demanded a prenuptial disagreement.

cpo snarky said...

replaces his wardrobe weekly, for fear of dating himself.

elaine said...

...he only eats waffles.

emily again said...

A. This must be a new record for number of comments -- 100+!

B. Danny had such a fear of commitment that he made his mother sign a pre-nup before he would come out.

C. Picking a winner will be a tough job.

Mike Bauman said...

...willingly took his medication.

Dan Hilton said...

...he rents his dates.

...doesn't use his real name.

...still hasn't chosen his Final Four teams.

...rents his toothbrushes.

Mr. Fahrenheit said...

Danny was so afraid of commitment that he never eats Mexican food, Chili, or talks to people from the South.

Performing on the Rosie Cruise only reinforced this notion after the disastrous after party...

Laura said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...

...spends every Tuesday night dialing 1-877-IDOLS-ALL.

...refused to ring in the new year.

...freezes up every time he hears a ring tone.

...wouldn't even play with chinese fingercuffs.

...won't wear any jacket, much less straight one.

Pardis Parker said...

hid his ring finger. Permanently.

Idea Man said...

...buys his grapes one at a time.

cpo snarky said...

considers "He's Just Not That Into You" a How-to book.

sent a "dear John" letter to his proctologist.

(I'll be here all week. Try the veal)

SuperBK said...

could never watch a TV show longer than ten minutes and was therefore doomed to only watch commercials for the rest of his life.

Anonymous said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...
...could not communicate for he couldn't bear to use the same word twice.

(yeah, I know about the -anon but I don't want to register...)

Eric Scott said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...

considered speed dating a life sentence.

wouldn’t date anyone unless he was wearing his “The end is near” T-shirt.

would greet his date with “You lost me at hello.”

thought future planning meant, “Should we eat Mexican or Italian?”

tried foreplay once and complained he was feeling crowded and just needed to be on his own.

dumped his blow-up doll saying she needed more air than he was willing to give.

mike said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...

...tivoed through shows to watch the comercials
...wouldn't program the presets on his car radio
...theater hopped at a short-film festival.
...had a penis...er - that is - he had such a fear of commitment because he had a penis.

Paul Ryan said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he married himself.

KEN LEVINE said...

Please just enter the kontest and not comment on those who have.

As is the case with writers rooms, writers need the freedom to pitch anything without fear of being ridiculed. And sometimes the most off-the-wall pitch is the one that hits a home run. So I have deleted a number of these non-pitches and will continue to if more appear. Come on, people. This is all in the spirit of fun.

Kinkajou said...

...spent three full nights weeping during every monthly menstruation period because he knew that each passing month meant he was one step closer to tying the knot with his long time sausage fingered girlfriend, Olga.

Steve said...

.....dumped himself for constantly leaving the toilet seat up, saying “It’s not me, it’s me.”

.....always drives down the center line of the highway. Oh, wait – drove.

.....voted for Ralph Nader.

.....didn’t call Jenny back after she left her number on the wall.

.....waited until after his suicide attempt to write the note, just in case.

Laura said...

...kept hitting {refresh} for the answer.

KrisB said...

...his bachelor party was a hunting trip with Dick Cheney.

Jaeger said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he would only date women named Maybe. Danny thought that if he was ever at the altar and the preacher asked “Do you take this woman, Maybe, to be your lawfully wedded wife”, even if he answered “I do” there would remain some wiggle room.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he would only put his shadow in the shower.

seank said...

…understood Dave and Maddie’s relationship on Moonlighting.

WF said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...

…audited LaMas class.

…couldn’t make it past the second line of any “knock knock” joke.

…never got to Scotland afore ye.

Anonymous said...

Oh, shoot. It never occured to me others would think I'm pre-voting or suggesting they vote by pointing out one person over the rest. Sorry, everyone. That wasn't my intention. Just trying to keep you all movtivated is all.

Even thought I'm not entering, I'm having fun reading the submissions, and I'm a jaded sitcom viewer who prefers the humour from Dexter and Six Feet Under to whatever else is on the alphabet channels.

I can't wait to read about who wins and what was the winning line ends up being.

Stacey

Ger Apeldoorn said...

... couldn't even stay for the happy end at his regular message parlor.

RA said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he has no hangers in his closet.

Ger Apeldoorn said...

.. he only wanted to be introduced to my parents if I told them he was a hungry guy I met on the train.

Anonymous said...

Uh ... I may be playing amateur psychologist here, but I don't think "fear of commitment" and "inability to choose" are the same thing. If that helps with judging.

brady said...

got a temporary tattoo on the bottom of his foot.. of hillary clinton sitting on a fence eating a waffle.. but had it removed.

Smelvis said...

...swore to the court-appointed shrink that he'd take his meds, despite the dry mouth, heart murmur, diarrhea and sexual side effects.

BMan said...

...took short breaths.

...only ate Ex lax.

...blinked slowly.

...rented toilet paper.

...died sad and lonely.

...bought abridged Cliff notes.

JSWN said...

said, "A revolving door is my own personal Jesus"

Patrick said...

...wound up not committing.

jbryant said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he would only take dates to a restaurant in his neighborhood, get a table near the door, leave his car idling out front, order a rare steak and minute rice, fake an "emergency" phone call to cut the evening short, speed-dial a taxi for his date, stop by a pet store to buy goldfish, then rush home to over-feed them while watching streaming online video of unsold TV pilots.

JSWN said...

was his own pain-in-the-ass from sitting on the fence.

JSWN said...

was terrified by Dolly the cloned sheep.

Laura said...

...he made all his calls from a land line.

Bob said...

...trades in his car every week.

...changes long distance providers every time they call.

...has never worn the same clothes twice.

JSWN said...

turned eighteen and demanded his Rabbi give him his foreskin back.

owen m said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...

Leaves a penny but never takes one.

He washes, rinses but never repeats.

He loves Mustang Sally but hates the Commitments.

He proposed to his girlfriend over the phone.

Has never finishes the maze on the back of a diner placemat.

Only yells “NO DEAL” at the T.V.

**great contest!

Carla said...

never took the wheels off of his trailer house.

A.v.E said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he . . . pulled out when the drinks came.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he . . .leased his vehicle in a township whose municipal ordinances charge an 8% lease transaction tax against each lease payment in addition to the capitalized cost reduction (down payment) at time of acquisition, adding an additional seventh of the cost of the vehicle over the 36-month lease agreement! (This’ll play big in Chicago.)

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he . . had a waste basket full of undercooked Uncle Ben’s.

c. said...

cut his palms and feigned stigmata.

owen m said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he ...
fell in love with his high school sweetheart, dated her from junior high on, went to different Colleges but phoned her every night and drove to see her every weekend, proposed to her as soon as he saved enough money from his first job, had a long and romantic marriage that produced three kids, never spent more then a three days apart for over sixty years. When Danny turned 89 he became very sick and laying on his death bed, feeling the clammy hands of eternal sleep reaching out for him, motioned for his wife to come close. He used all his strength to raise his head off the pillow and with his last dying breath whispered in her ear “I think we should see other people”.

Mr. Fahrenheit said...

Danny was so afraid of commitment that he had to stop following the Knicks. That salary cap situation was straight up untenable, homey... plus the images of Stephon Marbury's wonderously flaw-free bald head and Isiah Thomas' cherubic smirk would torment his soul at night.

Danny was more of a baseball guy, anyway. Steinbrenner's management style and hiring practices always managed to bring a tear of joy to his eye. He would weep said tears, but you all can guess the reason why he chose not to. That Danny... at least he's consistent?

KrisB said...

never got married?

D. McEwan said...

... that I didn't get to know him that well

...the sight of a committee would send him screaming.

...that he couldn't finish writing this joke.

.... he wouldn't read THE HOBBIT.

... he found terminal ward patients "Too clingy".

...he keeps insisting LOST is lousy.

...always writes a shark into the pilot episode.

...only watches CBS's "Hip" shows.

...has just selected Nixon over Kennedy.

...skipped his father's funeral because "I hardly knew him."

...has a dog named "Dog".

... is still at the first Starbucks he ever went into.

...told his mother he "Wanted to see other moms."

...told Death he "Wanted to see other revenants."

..parties like it's 1899.

...caused a three-state traffic tie-up when asked by Jack "Do you want fries with that?"

...had his apartment's walls padded.

...Houdini died waiting for him to pick a card.

...could never select a woman to cheat on his wife with.

Andy said...

... wouldn't even engage his clutch.

... rejected a woman because her name was Mary.

... rents his apartment minute-to-minute.

Tallulah Morehead said...

...that he served red AND white wine, no matter what the food was.

...his drink order was always "I'll have the lot."

...Shook AND stirred.

...married me.

Jennie Horn said...

changed his name to Simon Cowell.

("My Sunny Disclaimer" kills me.)

lizzie v. said...

Danny had such of fear of commitment that he....

wouldn't even tie the knot with his shoelace.

mikechaos24 said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he continuously test drives a new car every week.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he calls his dates the night before and tells them that it's not going to work out and they should just cancel their plans.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he had the worlds largest Venn diagram with all the women he has ever slept with, trying to figure out what his "type" is.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he only uses pay phones because he can't pick a long distance plan.

Jim McCann said...

...has a goatee.

Sam Kim said...

...dated only women who were in town for the weekend.

...dated only married women. Who had husbands who were rich. And possessive.

...would give a fake name when ordering coffee at Starbucks. In case they got too chummy.

Will said...

Danny has such a fear of commitment he could crash weddings to cure his hiccups.

kent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr. Fahrenheit said...

Danny doesn't smoke crack. He smokes MC's with his ferosh mic skils.

Just kidding, he smokes crack.

KLA 83 said...

...only hung out with Gene Simmons.

...thought the House Unamerican Activies Committee was the person sent to the assylum

...named neutrons as his favorite atomic particles

... called for Switzerland to stop being so damn hegemonic

kent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr. Fahrenheit said...

Danny was so afraid of commitment that he...

...regularly received code reds as a kid. From his mother.

...only listened to his radio. Set to scan.

...accepted a scholarship offer from the University of Kansas, became the original Manning brother, and continues to let a magic 8 ball call the shots.

Nishaan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he came out, and then went right back in again.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he went to all the peep shows in town and nailed shut all the glory holes.

Nishaan said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he:

killed his conjoined twin brother because he felt he was getting too attached to him.

blogward said...

...had his account at the sperm bank foreclosed.

sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he went to S&M clubs as a "middle".

sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he only drank Mountain Coca-Pepsi Pepper Sprite.

Rip said...

...he only used inaction verbs

Peems said...

...he couldn't decide which Law & Order was his favorite. But he does love Jerry Orbach...RIP

J.J. said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he couldn't accept it.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he thought he was Hawkeye Pierce.

m. said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he "is still deciding whether that breathing thing is worth it", no, wait, "he began his prayers with 'To whom it may concern...'", no, no, "that when asked as a boy 'what do you want to do when you go up' responded, 'Whoa, who said anything about being on board for this growing up thing?'", or better, "he became a Superdelegate", stop, rewind, "he became a programming executive at NBC", oh, forget it. Give the prize to someone else.

Credit goes out to LouOCNY, Hauke, Spike, chimezatmidnight and Tom Quigley respectively.

Danny had such a fear of commitment that being a noted Emmy winning comedy writer who unable to pick five finalists he wrote five entries, posted them as anonmous and made them the winners.

sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he went to the electric chair hungry.

kent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he used to play Hide & Go Seek, but when it was everybody elses turn to hide, he just went and got a sandwich.

sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he thought Timmy always fell into the well... and just died there.

Michael Hagerty said...

Became President of CBS News.

kent said...

...bought milk with the EARLIEST expiration date.

...wouldn't even date his checks.

...blew-up the asylum.

FiftyNinth said...

...wouldn't sign the back of his credit cards.

kent said...

...wouldn't eat his dates. (Sorry, but I like "Two and a Half Men")

sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he told her 'we'd still be friends'.

sephim said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he thought Catch-22 was a self-help book.

Bill Slankard said...

wouldn't set an alarm clock

Bill Slankard said...

pretended he was sane

kent said...

...had his parents keep rescheduling the moyel.

...insisted his covenant with God include an escape clause.

...turned down the Governor's last minute reprieve.

kent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Scott said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he is committed to never committing.

Rip said...

...almost decided to do something about it.

Bob (Post 2) said...

...buys a ticket to every movie at the cineplex.

..."50 First Dates" could be autobiographical.

...used to write 'Dear John' letters to his teddybears.

...buys a new pre-paid cell every time he starts seeing someone.

Stu said...

Danny had such a fear of commitment that he married a man.

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 454   Newer› Newest»