Monday, April 28, 2008

My boyfriend looks just like a movie star!

One of the staples of romcom is mistaken identity. Comedy comes from the confusion of someone either posing as someone else or someone believing somebody is somebody else. When you watch and hopefully enjoy these farces do you ever think to yourself, “Oh, this could never happen in real life”?

Well here’s one that really did happen. Just last Wednesday, in that always crazy kooky town of Albuquerque, New Mexico.
A guy and his girlfriend were watching a porno movie at 10:30 in the morning in their house. (A far better alternative than THE VIEW). The girl, 20 year old Amanda Moya (pictured above) suddenly thought a certain porn actor who had just entered the scene was in fact her boyfriend. (Wouldn’t he have to resemble the actor in two ways? But I digress.)

She want bat-shit. This is the kind of "previous experience" she must have felt he was obliged to reveal before they moved in together...and had a kid.

Amanda grabbed a large kitchen knife and started chasing him around the house. The terrified look-alike called 911 on his cell as he dodged his knife-wielding beloved.

Wearing only shorts he bolted out of the house and ran down the street for his life, still on line with 911. Meanwhile Amanda followed, hell bent to go all Benihana on him.

He breathlessly told the dispatcher that Amanda had already stabbed him and bitten him on his chest. And then he offered, “She already has battery charges against her. She’s not even supposed to be around me.” (Quick reminder: they live together. And have a child.)

The 911 operator told him to get to a store while she called authorities. (How come you never see this high-speed chase on COPS?) Amanda, with thoughts I'm sure of becoming the next Lorena Bobbitt, remained in hot pursuit.

The victim tells the dispatcher that he sees the arriving cops. But he’s worried they'll just keep heading to his house. The dispatcher says, “Do they see your girlfriend?” He says, “Yes!” She says be sure to point her out. (A crazed woman waving the O.J.-weapon-of-choice isn’t enough to catch a policeman’s attention?)

Amanda was arrested and charged with aggravated assault & battery. Sometimes a happier ending than guy-gets-the-girl is cops-get-the girl.

Watch your local listings. Scheduled for next summer release: SLICE OF LOVE starring Lindsay Lohan, and introducing Rock Hard.

26 comments:

J.J. said...

You need to watch Cheaters, you'd see this sort of drama all the time. It's a class show. That and Blind Date, if they were on Network TV Les Moonves would dump Julie Chen and Big Brother in a NY minute and not ever go back.

Ger Apeldoorn said...

Okay... my word verification is haxse!

I think blogger is trying to tell me something.

D. McEwan said...

You know, if this had just happened at a disastrous dinner party, instead of at 10 AM (WHO watches porn that early? Even I don't watch porn that early. Never until noon!), it would be Joe Keenan script.

You'd think she would want to make CERTAIN it was her boy friend before going all Norma Bates with the cutlery.

Women. Can't live with them, because they'll kill you.

Another story that makes me glad I'm gay.

Rory L. Aronsky said...

Women. Can't live with them, because they'll kill you.

And that sage wisdom is exactly why I'm happy to remain single.

JSWN said...

Ever notice how the emergency dispatchers never veer from their script? The how-to-dispatch manual doesn't encourage improvisation.
No siree, hence the "be sure to point her out"!!

JSWN said...

amanda,are you kids on the ecstasy again?
or did you crush up the painkillers you sticky-fingered from your cancer stricken Grandmother's medicine cabinet and snort them instead of drinking them with a full glass of water like the directions say?

JSWN said...

um, new mexico....isn't that sean young territory?

benson said...

Ken, I know you'll delete the above spam posts, but the user name (Steve Cadick) would be the perfect name to play Rock Hard's best friend.

Ah, just another slice of life....

Paul Duca said...

Makes you feel a little better about your lonely bachelorhood, doesn't it Ken?

Emily Blake said...

If I had a boyfriend who turned out to be a porn star I'd just look at him and go, "So how come you never do that stuff to me?"

RAC said...

That's why I love living in New Mexico: never a dull morning, or a dull knife, in this case.

Maybe someone can turn this into a little scene for Legion, "an apocalyptic action thriller starring Dennis Quaid, Kate Walsh and Tyrese Gibson," which is now shooting at the College of Santa Fe's Garson Studios. (On my campus.)

In this scene, the man's cell phone doesn't work due to, well, the apocalypse, and the woman chases him all the way down I-25 to Mexico while mushroom clouds are springing up on the horizons to the north in Los Alamos and to the east in Roswell.

Every apocalypse needs a little comic relief.

RAC said...

Emily, please call me.

Sebastian said...

Yeah RAC, explain to her why you are unable to do that to her *snicker*

RAC said...

Whoa, Sebastian, don't eat all your Snickers before lunch, dude.

Anonymous said...

I want to date Emily Blake!!!

Tim W. said...

I think it's a sweet story. The climax (no pun intended), would of course be the girl getting bailed out of jail, only to wander out of the police station, to see her betrothed waiting for her, leaning up against his car. There is some apprehension as she approaches him, he still looks hurt about her attempting to kill him. Then he takes a bouquet of flowers out from behind his back. Smiles all around. They embrace. Cue music and credits.

[note from studio executive] Can we give her a quirky best friend, and maybe an ethnic minority best friend for the guy?

jbryant said...

I think this phallocentric plot might be perfect for an Apatow production, perhaps as a natural sequel to "Knocked Up." Those who had trouble believing that Katherine Heigl would fall for Seth Rogen might more readily accept her chasing him around with a butcher knife.

SharoneRosen said...

I'm with Emily! Amanda certainly has her priorities screwed up... so to speak

webbie said...

I can't remember when I laughed that hard!

jbryant said...

Amanda Moya, eh? That surname sounds like it might be the Spanish feminine for "mohel."

benson said...

You just don't see many women going into that line of work (mohel).

Anonymous said...

10AM Porn viewing is usually reserved for Meth users. Which would explain the shocking turn of events.
It's easy to see why many episodes of "Cops" are filmed in NM.

B

sjwoo said...

"Women...can't live with them...pass the beer nuts." - Norm Peterson

cpo snarky said...

Hey anonymous: Can I take Remedial Porn at 9:30am? I'm bad at Meth.

jbryant said...

"Women - can't live with 'em, can't stuff 'em in a sack." - Newhart's Larry

shvetal said...

Funny! More due to the narration than the content itself, but then aren't they all?