Friday, December 05, 2008

The Daffy Definition Kontest

PUNHARRI: The ancient ritual of killing bad jokes

I think we have another contest. You guys have come up with some great definitions based on your comment verification codes. For those who don’t read the comments, you’re missing out. Some great stuff in there. (And don’t think I’m threatened because some of you sons a bitches are funnier than I am.)

But your definitions are just too good not to be rewarded. So in the spirit of the Komedy Kontest, I’m hereby starting another competition. The best word verification daffy definition. Since it’s luck of the draw what the combination of letters will be for you I think it’s only fair to keep the initial entry period open longer than the Komedy Kontest. So phase one will end at 9:00 PM PST on Thursday. That gives you six days.

Like before, I will have someone else select the top five and you guys will vote for the final winner. Better to hate someone you don't know rather than me.

Yeah, yeah”, you’re saying, “But what the hell do I WIN? It better be GREAT!”

It will be hard to top the Komedy Kontest grand prize -- a signed AfterMASH script – but I think I’ve done it.

The winner of the Daffy Definition Kontest will receive…

Are you ready?

A signed copy of MIDNIGHT, one of our very best unproduced pilots! Talk about rare! Talk about special! Talk about a show that should have been made! This one is it! And it includes the official Paramount Studios script cover, just like the one rejected by CBS.

Some Kontest rules:

Enter as many times as you’d like.

You must give your name.

You’re on the honor system. But judges have the right to throw out any entry they feel is not legitimate.

Please do not comment on other entries until the final five are chosen.

Decision of the judges is final.

You must be a citizen of some country in order to apply. Doesn't have to be the US but some country.

You are not required to listen to my Sunday night radio show from 7-10 PST on Talkradio 790 KABC even though it streams live on the internet.

Best of luck, everyone. Let the punharri begin!

801 comments:

1 – 200 of 801   Newer›   Newest»
Mike E said...

Lings - /leengz/ (n.) Tiny balls of leftover toilet paper sometimes found in the cleft of the buttocks. These items generally make their presence known in the shower.

Derryl Murphy said...

barmar: The scar left on your face after a particularly bad fight at a pub.

D

Ande said...

sedayri:

Slim shafts of light from a puckered black hole.

Dave C said...

Phant: The lingering smell of a fart encountered upon entering an otherwise empty room. Commonly experienced in elevators.

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

WV: astat. Comparative tightness.

"That thar pussy wuz astat as a crack in a brick wall."

Ben said...

Stomatan - /STUM-uh-TAN/ noun: the darkening in color of the inside of one's digestive tracts for fashionable reasons. Example: "Paris strutted in front of the photographers proudly displaying her stomatan."
verb: the act of obtaining a stomatan.

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

WV: halpha. 50%

I have halpha mind to read a book.

Ben said...

Swaye / SWAY / adj: Of or pertaining to any Patrick Swayze that didn't put people to sleep; lacking z's.

Ben said...

kidenes /KYD-nes/ noun: the act of being kind to someone while suffering from a cold.

Simon H. said...

Vasinga: What you're left with when you set your wife's pubic hair on fire.

Ande said...

labli:

Mutant lab rats characterized by brain nodes, bald butts, and twisted sisters.

Simon H. said...

Dukosas: What you call fans of Sixteen Candles favorite Long Duk Dong

Simon H. said...

Diatter: The dance you do when you get a bad case of diarrhea and can't leave where you're at.

Joe said...

The Olson twins didn't invent the celebrity clothing line. It was started in the fifties by Desi Arnaz. Armed with the popularity of "I Love Lucy" came a short lived line of celebrity ponchos.

The Riconcho.

Chuck said...

nomed: someone who walks a great distance only to find that no doctor is available.

chuck

Chuck said...

condize: to fuck up international relations

chuck

Chuck said...

sobita: a cute little son-of-a-bitch

chuck

Sebastian said...

hooty: (singular) Female temporary worker at a topless bar.

"Times were bad at the 'Golden Bun' The First ones to let go were the hooties".

-

My first captcha was "debra", that was just unfair ;-)

Simon H. said...

Butho: A gardening tool for a proctologist.

Sebastian said...

derercut: a special hair cut for men with excessive body hair on their lower back.

(from french: derrière (back))

James said...

Rerie: Canine word for 'really'.

Mark said...

ovelend: Giving mortgages to people thatwill never be able to pay you back.

Mark said...

ciatab: The bill you receive for Erectile Dysfunction medication.

Rachel said...

Minestra: sister drug of Lunestra; helps keep you awake.

Side effect - may cause drowsiness.

Mark said...

cyconion: An onion that repeats on you over an over again...

Mark said...

clogrol: Wooden footwear that refuses to stay on your feet.

Simon H. said...

Dishoo: What Tattoo exclaimed when he opened Imelda Marcos's closet

Craig M said...

Eystalog: Very ugly eyeglasses.

D. McEwan said...

VERAM

An acronym = Very Exciting Random Acess Memory, for computers that are porn-heavy.

(BTW, as I won the last Kontest - the signed AfterMASH script is framed on my dining room wall, below Bud Abbott's autograph, and next to Albert Dekker's - my contributions to this one are to be considered non-competitive. I want to play, but am not to be considered for the finalists.)

D. McEwan said...

PEDIAL

A type of 1950s telephone designed for use by the armless.

D. McEwan said...

CONSELF

Persons so dishonest, they even fool themselves.

D. McEwan said...

EXTELESEY

Becoming sexually stimulated by cell phone.

D. McEwan said...

HOLESSE

One who rents a hole.

Simon H. said...

Offispe: Daffy Ducks favorite Thursday Night comedy.

D. McEwan said...

NONAN

The absense of an overmuscled barbarian

Simon H. said...

Tahso: What happens to you when you cause trouble at the Bar-O.

D. McEwan said...

OVEDI

Passing by something from above: "I am ovedi hump this week."

James said...

Turglxu: Cthulhu's embarrasing little brother.

D. McEwan said...

CURIN

What them doctors do at that there hospital.

blogward said...

Unvaile (v): To announce or reveal a project that is unfinished, obsolete or of no practical use, eg "The US Treasury unvailed a package of emergency measures designed to stimulate the economy today".

D. McEwan said...

SESSESS

When a snake achieves it's goals.

D. McEwan said...

DORSYNE

A mathematical symbol used when doing calculus on a door.

I know we're not supposed to comment on them, but "Turglxu: Cthulhu's embarrasing little brother." really made me laugh.

Simon H. said...

rehead: What you call it when you recycle blowjobs

Simon H. said...

Whostor: Where you put Keith Richards when you run out of room in your house.

D. McEwan said...

MINGI

Garry Marshall had a cold the day he pitched the first version: Morg and Mingi.

D. McEwan said...

FIRCHE

When a birch tree and a fir tree crossbreed.

Simon H. said...

Dabbasm: What happens when Dabney Coleman gets really excited.

Eric Curtis said...

Hacque: 1. A particularly violent sub-category of the famous Japaneses form of poetry called Haiku in which the poet is limited to only three lines to give a bloody and creative description of how he plans to dismember a foe; Usually has to do with honor.

2. A commonly used verbal warning from one inebriated person to another before lugies start to fly.

D. McEwan said...

FABBLAT

The noise an obese naked person's body makes when sitting down on a leather sofa.

Simon H. said...

Tuctilog: What you do when trying to hold a Number Two in.

D. McEwan said...

SUMEN

What a litigious lesbian does.

Simon H. said...

Cuthpro: What Sean Avery fancies himself

D McEwan said...

HORBOO

What a dead prostitute says.

Simon H. said...

howise: What you would never say about a prostitute.

D. McEwan said...

DOMOMME

What daddy does on Saturday night

D. McEwan said...

DOTEN

What that damn coach said after my ninth chin-up.

D. McEwan said...

BINGLER

Bing Crosby's early career as a housebreaker

D. McEwan said...

INESSIDE

Where you go when it rains.

D. McEwan said...

TOTOMESS

Why Elvira Gulch wanted to kill Dorothy's doggie.

D. McEwan said...

FOOKME

What a horny Swede says.

(Everytime I post one, another one pops up. MAKE IT STOP!!!!)

Simon H. said...

Orbio: What you call Fabio in Space

And with that, Good night

Tim W. said...

Reebra (n.)- A bra reinforced with heavy steel used to support extra busty women.

History: The costume designer of Baywatch inserted steel cables into the swimsuits of the female stars, for extra support, to prevent facial injuries during the many running scenes. Star, Pamela Anderson, used the idea for a line of undergarments.

Eleanor said...

prorat

...

Um, surely that's an actual word!?

Your verification thingy is cheating!

Dan O’Day said...

claseres: For anyone as well-versed in Latin as I, that's just too easy. I mean, the joke writes itself.

kirk said...

larize: Owned by Larry (French)

"The beret was labeled: 'Larize'"

kirk said...

vouistin: An insult hurled by French scarecrows.

"You don't know the way to the Emerald City, vou is tin!"

Nat G said...

lotamono: /n/ what you listen to when the FM band dies on your stereo.

Leon said...

misgam:

An ancient curse in the language Spamlish. According to legend, it is considered so vile, that if this word is uttered, the Spammer's tongue will instantly drop from his mouth.

Mike Blachman said...

Prewam - The first part of George Michael's career.

Michelle said...

buspardo: A Southern Italian dish of pasta tossed with reduced red wine, crushed olives, sheep's milk cheese and bread crumbs and served as a hangover cure.

Mike Blachman said...

beseigoo - isolate an enemy town during wartime with a wall of hair gel.

Mike B said...

fushme: Fushme? Fushyoo!

T. Bosley said...

Slyses -

A term used to describe Sylvester Stallone fans who like Stop or My Mom Will Shoot, Oscar and Tango & Cash and nothing else in his filmography.

T. Bosley said...

cestse -

A creepy physical action between a brother and sister that stops just short of actual sibling fuckery.

Vermonter17032 said...

tornosiv - Pfizer's latest antidepressant. Side effects may include runny nose, constipation, vomiting, excessive flatulence, genital warts, vaginal dryness (even with men), hammer toe, rapid ear-hair growth, hypothermia, dry elbow skin, shingles, and incontinence. In rare cases, test patients taking TORNOSIV grew horns and a tail with an arrow on the end.

TORNOSIV won't make you feel better about your life, but it will give you a good reason for being depressed.

TORNOSIV faces stiff FDA approval.

T. Bosley said...

ephing- a softened curse word used primarilly, though not exclusively by male members of the Mormon Church of Latter Day Saints to their females as a way of showing their extreme disapproval while maintaining their street cred.

T. Bosley said...

supsis -

An endearing greeting used between homosexual friends that is considered derogatory if used by a heterosexual.

James said...

Phedles: A musical group geared towards children. Currently in prison.

James said...

Hansi: An old Japanese man that likes to spend time at the public pool. Also currently in prison.

T. Bosley said...

metpumis -

A person who is exceedingly arrogant in his opinion that the New York Metropolitan Opera was driven into the ground once Rudolf Bing left as General Manager in 1972 and that mongrel Schuyler Chapin took over. Moreover, how could anyone think that Valery Gergiev isn't as efficient a conductor as principal conductor James Levine when the opposite is most certainly true if I say so myself? Pish posh, don't get me started on that sycophantic nebutard Joseph Volpe who installed that electronic libretto system that translates the perfect Italian phrases of Gianni Schicchi into crude Americanized non-proper English for all those dunderheads. WELL I DO SAY!!!

James said...

Gagici: An Italian designer label for babies.

James said...

Plearnm: Used to describe an unknown substance that generally makes people want to take a shower after contact.

James said...

Adsters: Hip young people in the advertising scene.

James said...

Bioner: A bionically engineered erection.

blogward said...

matips (n, pl.) Things you learn at your mother's knee.

blogward said...

pruesses: (n, pl.) Female pruers.

blogward said...

diste (n.) A place where dissing takes place.

blogward said...

ionou (n.) An IOU you have no intention of honoring.

blogward said...

aligot (adj.) Eaten by an alligator. (Shuts down computer as it's the only way to stop doing this).

blogward said...

thshib (n). Onomatapaeic used in comic books or screenplays to indicate sound of surprise arrow hitting stagecoach driver in mid-reverie about his gal back in St. Louis.

Jonny Morris said...

Travall: All the stuff you have to do in the airport before you are allowed to get on the plane.

Jonny Morris said...

Ringlyco: The shared sensation of embarrassment when a mobile phone goes off in a train and everyone checks to see if it's theirs.

Jonny Morris said...

Houshe: A doctor who diagnoses patients with lupush.

Jonny Morris said...

Waloni: The people standing on their own against the wall at parties.

Jonny Morris said...

Sumneat: What Scottish people have for lunch; cf 'Halloo there Jock, d'yer fancy sumneat?'

Great game!

James said...

Trustomp: When one person steps on another, even though they said they never would.

James said...

Penip: A rather unsatisfacory substitute for the real thing.

lenny said...

Ovulla:

Briefly trendy cosmetic surgury procedure originated by Oprah Winfrey's gynecologist. Currently illegal pending resolution of royalties dispute.

DrBear said...

snesses: s-shaped snausages.

DrBear said...

fressm: deodorant for people into bondage.

Greg said...

monnadio, the: the monastery national radio, vow of silence, 24/7

Greg

LouOCNY said...

prorki : the poorly received Polish version of Porky's

rob! said...

"Aucula"--a C-grade vampire movie made by a studio afraid of lawsuits from the Stoker Estate.

rob! said...

"Votenerv"--what it takes to have voted for McCain/Palin when living in Illinois.

rob! said...

"Prelert"--an underage pervert

Greg said...

gosco (Googles Ocean Shipping Company): The new Name of China's Ocean Shipping Company after Google takes over China.

rob! said...

"Paught"--when an animal is caught doing something.

Greg said...

bricar, a car made out of cheese.

Greg

rob! said...

"Constype"--a font that criminals like to use

rob! said...

"Plevi"--the name of Sarah Palin's upcoming granddchild

Greg said...

downit, a new brand of that special liquid used to swallow pills (aka: Water)

Greg

rob! said...

"Dingese"--a dialect stupid people use (see "Victoria Jackson")

rob! said...

"Prento"--what a magician says when he can't see his cue cards

Greg said...

relquid, relative quid, money in a Lehman Brothers Account

Greg

Greg said...

bearry, half bean, half berry, tastes good and is nutritious

Greg

Yank Azman said...

gagici: (1)a humorous tale, event or anecdote originated by an ancestor and passed through the generations as an inheritance; often claimed as a personal experience by the unscrupulous.(2)(archaic)From the Latin, attributed to Caesar. "veni vidi gagici": I came, I saw, I killed.

OutOfContext said...

ovespami:
The introduction of loads of infertile semen into the ovaries of an uncaring woman.

OutOfContext said...

Shambul:
a Turkish mess

OutOfContext said...

Visirat:
Domestic animal of ancient barbarians.

Doktor Frank Doe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Roger M said...

idlerch: (n.) Psychotic disorder characterized by an uncontrolled urge to act like a monosyllabic butler.

Doktor Frank Doe said...

dulown: (hn-th.) (Hairlip Dictionary) Clown. "Na dulown mane mE a dong ount a banoon".

Bill W said...

nogrugh: Delicious jewish pastry made with cinnamon and dandruff.

lbreiss34 said...

Mictuder- A person named mike with a 'tude.

lbreiss34 said...

Glopings: Overcooked Mashed Potaotes.

"I'll have another heapin helping of those glopings please"

Anonymous said...

Fuzzabo: The latest workout craze for hairy men.

lbreiss34 said...

Phylis- A group of people who still watch the TV show Phyllis on TV Land.

lbreiss34 said...

Suberoni- A new sub sandwich being endorsed by Jared the Subway guy that has nothing but peperoni on it.

blogward said...

dicalama (n). Sudden pain in the male member.

Phil H. said...

wheable - An early American toy made from a strain of wheat found only in New Jersey. This toy was unique in that it never fell down.

hijklmno said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emily Blake said...

PROSTURA

An Italian dish made with the prostate of a Neopolitan Mastiff, as created by Mario Batali.

hijklmno said...

achlogen: /ACH (as in "chai") - Low - jen/: the sudden realization that your courtside seats are not so courtside

Chad said...

Supur: At an apartment complex, the onsite maintenance kitten.

As in: The garbage disposal is on the fritz. It probably needs to be stared at with adorable big eyes, better call the Supur or How much milk to we usually leave the Supur for Christmas?

Derryl Murphy said...

sestuts: An infestation of boils that, due to inbreeding, primarily affected Egyptian pharoahs.

D

sunshine said...

Colac: new milk-flavored soft drink.

Simon H. said...

repok: A chinese shoe company

Simon H. said...

wheletra: what you say after making love to Cleopatra

sunshine said...

"Platori": serving dish in Nirvana.

sunshine said...

"Halvile": evil twin.

Simon H. said...

Untron: The latest line of transformable underwear.

The Minstrel Boy said...

skqwba

this guy goes into the eye doctor. the eye doctor says "can you read line 5?"

guy says "read it? hell, i grew up with him."

ba dum bum.

Simon H. said...

raphi: How most rappers perform as

Simon H. said...

peddle: what spammers do with their wares to annoy the piss out of bloggers

Simon H. said...

petsin: why your dog won't go to heaven

Simon H. said...

ingis: What you have to do to get on "Live with Regis & Kelly"

Eric Curtis said...

icanon: Apple's failed attempt to expand into the military industrial complex. The icanon's failure was blamed on cost, the inability to integrate it into current weapons systems, and a lack of discipline stemming from smugness was discovered in soldiers using the icanon weapon system.

/luvs Apple

DougJ said...

unessesm: The chronic misspelling of the word unnecessary.

Eric Curtis said...

cytion: Redneck expression that shows enjoyment, amazement or awe at a particular person, place or things.

MrEd said...

urnomo: the straight friend of a gay person.

maven said...

RINGSHET: The scum that builds up under your wedding ring after you've worn it for 35 years.

Dave C said...

Extjolkf: Finnish for "leave them laughing."

Dave C said...

Veyhoo: A Yiddish web search site.

Eric Curtis said...

mentipea: Excuse used by an inebriated person to explain why they urinated in an alley, the middle of the street or on a police cruiser.

"Sorry Offthicer. I mentipea in the bar's bathrrroom, but they closed."

DougJ said...

bilewat: A unit of measurement used for anger induced productivity.

For example, your father telling you "you'll never amount to nothin'" produces one bilewat, enough to power the first 30 pages of the Great American Novel, you'll show him, the sonafabitch... before you peter out and go back to playing XBox.

Simon H. said...

bolog: What Bo Derek leaves in your bathroom

Alice said...

Leduper: The intense sense of cold terror running up and down your spine at the instant of realization that you sent a rather pornographic proporsal to your boss when the email was clearly meant for someone else

Simon H. said...

booel: what ghosts sing at Christmas

Kirk Jusko said...

surts: a breath mint brimming with confidence

Eric Curtis said...

ension: tiny erection.

Kirk Jusko said...

immund: a meditating gem stone

Kirk Jusko said...

scabipl: What Fred Sanford pours into an open wound

Mike Schryver said...

cubco: The entity formed by the government bailout of the hapless Chicago NL team.

Kirk Jusko said...

uncines: The United Nations Film Festival

Kirk Jusko said...

hervasy: Taking Tattoo's name in vain

Kirk Jusko said...

larksaim: looking through multiple rifle scopes at the spur of the moment

Mike Schryver said...

oundsw: hatw ouy etg henw ouy utc ourselfy

Ben said...

excoc /EX-kok/ noun: What Renee Richards would be if she were poultry.

Brian Phillips said...

worinoth - Bug Mr. Big

Brian Phillips said...

goody - A Scotch "Hello".

Brian Phillips said...

puslyp - Sassy cat. See "Garfield".

Kirk Jusko said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kirk Jusko said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kirk Jusko said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eric Curtis said...

coloc: Epithet used against someone from Colorado.

Brian Phillips said...

Kertio - "Bless You" (Italian)

Kirk Jusko said...

disdebl: what a masochist does to his humeris

Kirk Jusko said...

suari: an African vacation for lipless people

Eric Curtis said...

abstic: Makeup placed on one's stomach to make it appear firmer; See Britney Spears.

Kirk Jusko said...

tomonc: when you arrive in North Carolina

Kirk Jusko said...

bedrook: where a certain chess piece sleeps

Kirk Jusko said...

untack: to clean your bullitin board

Chris said...

explabo - to give someone an explanation which is totally fictitious in order to make them feel better. "George, you didn't get the promotion because you are just too damned good looking to be taken seriously as the head of technology."

charlotte said...

domicksw

southwestern branch of the national support group for everyone who has had sex with Mick Jagger

Chris said...

dectab - splitting the lunch bill ten ways, thus confusing the wait staff and the diners equally

Leon said...

ousnea:

The Collective Flu

Chris said...

doing - responding to new information or uncomfortable occurrences as Homer Simpson would.

Are there extra points for having been dealt a real word and still playing the game?

Chris said...

pracists - people who are predisposed to dislike anyone who talks to God. ex.- Bill Maher

Eric Curtis said...

Frairres: First openly gay Egyptian Pharaoh.

Kirk Jusko said...

chornib: someone who writes "a commedian who wanders but forgets to write the word verification down.

Kirk Jusko said...

persedd: approximating a past tense

Simon H. said...

bearrial: What you did with Yogi after he died

Simon H. said...

denti: what you get if someone hits your Audi

Simon H. said...

hutdo: What Jabba got at the barbershop

Simon H. said...

uring: calling someone while you're using the restroom

diane said...

Honseson:
Open season for hunting ho's

Kirk Jusko said...

tedies: what happens when you burn a stuffed bear

Kirk Jusko said...

swinusn: swampland sold to a naval officer

Kirk Jusko said...

coctomol: an ugly growth on the penus

Kirk Jusko said...

nothide: out in the open

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