Sunday, February 11, 2007

I'M the father of Anna Nicole's baby!


I didn’t want to admit it before but I am. I just assumed I would get the $474,000,000 and go on with my life. Oh right. And I’d get the baby. And now with these three other imposters laying claim I have grave fears that if we’re not careful, this could turn into a circus.

I also resent that I have been accused of merely trying to get publicity. All of this comes at a bad time because I’m currently in New York for the reading of my play, UPFRONTS AND PERSONAL Monday night at 7:30 at CAP 21 at 18 W. 18th Street, call 212-352-3101 – and I don’t need the distraction.

Just let me and my family live in peace (and prosperity).

17 comments:

MsDee said...

Get in line Mr.

maven said...

I'm the mother of Nicole's baby!

hollywood blond said...

The Father of the Baby. Nice ring to it. Kind of like an update of Father of the Bride.

Hennell said...

I think at this stage it'll be easier if everyone who doesn't want to register as potential father makes an announcement.

(I heard Senantor Obama threw his hat into the ring earlier too...)

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

I am the father of Nicole and her baby. Cut the check.

Willy B. Good said...

Wow Ken I didn't know you were married to Zaza, belated congratulations and I hope you spread the wealth (hint hint) you lucky bastard

Eric said...

I am Spartacus!

Oh, and I fathered Anna Nicole's baby.

doggans said...

I'm Brian, and so's my wife!

v a n i a said...

... and you're a comedy writer.

Wow.

Rashad Khan said...

I need money, but not enough to claim I fathered Anna Nicole's baby. No f'ing way, no f'ing how.

Dhppy said...

And now with these three other imposters laying claim I have grave fears that if we’re not careful, this could turn into a circus.

Make room in the clown car. There are five of you. It could be the rich old man's kid after all.

The Bionic 1 said...

I thought I was the father. :(

Walt said...

If it was the rich old man's spermination, don't you know Anna Nicole would have JUMPED to declare that profitable little factoid?

Paul Duca said...

In the back of my mind, I thought Beaver Cleaver might have a love child somewhere. Of course, I expected it to be in San Diego or Detroit or San Francisco.

Alphabeter said...

This just might work.

I'm the mother of Angelina Jolie's baby. The softball she carried was for show.

Oh wait, she doesn't have a project coming out. Uh, how about Tori Spelling?

Would you believe Marcia Cross?

Then Suri Cruise. She looks just like me at that age!

And I'm pushing for people to go to my blog. Nevermind I'm inconsistent and haven't updated in ages. Read me!

Tom Quigley said...

There are people who aren't even born yet that will probably be litigating apsects of this whole mess years from now. I just hope that when those people ARE born, they know who their fathers are....

Anonymous said...

Why don't all you fathers of Anna Nicole's baby (who, by the way has a name) get together and file a class action suit?