Wednesday, February 07, 2007
I see where a judge might allow the Phil Spector murder trial to be televised. He certainly has the perfect look for TV. Considering OJ tried to peddle a book on how he would have committed those murders IF he had done them, maybe he could start a trend. Beginning with Spector and filling the remainder tables, here are a few more IF books:
IF I SHOT SOME GIRL WHO HAPPENED TO BE IN MY HOUSE by Phil Spector, he guesses he would've used the loaded gun he always kept handy on his person, instead of how it really happened with her taking it out of his pocket and shooting herself.
IF I WANTED TO KIDNAP AND KILL THAT NO GOOD BITCH WHO STOLE MY BOYFRIEND by Lisa Nowak detailing all normal items needed to pull off such a plot -- black wig, dark glasses, trench coat, folding knife, steel mallet, pellet gun, 4 feet of rubber tubing, garbage bags, latex gloves, and of course (the kidnapper's best friend) an adult diaper.
IF I BET ON BASEBALL by Pete Rose, speculating how on July 8,1977 IF he bet he might've put $20 on Cincinnati over Pittsburgh and double down his winning yesterday on the San Francisco-Atlanta game, going with the Giants.
IF I DIDN'T PAY MY TAXES by Richard Hatch who imagines it wouldn't be worth the effort unless he could withhold oh...say a million dollars.
And to fill out your library:
IF I DIDN'T PAY MY TAXES by Wesley Snipes (six yearly volumes)
IF I HAD AN EATING DISORDER by Nicole Richie,
IF I SLEPT WITH MY PARTNERS' BOYFRIENDS AND HALF THE ACTS AT MOTOWN by Diana Ross
IF I WANTED TO SLIP A DANGEROUS WEAPON INTO MY LUGGAGE AT JOHN WAYNE AIRPORT by Snoop Dogg
IF I WAS GOING TO RECRUIT ILLEGALLY by Jim Harrick
IF I WAS GOING TO TAKE MONEY UNDER THE TABLE WHILE IN COLLEGE by Reggie Bush (foreward by Eric Dickerson)
IF I GOT OUT OF NATIONAL GUARD DUTY by George W. Bush
IF I WANTED TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF MY SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HUSBAND by Liza Minelli
IF THE PINTO HAD A FAULTY DESIGN by Henry Ford
IF I WAS GOING TO CALL THAT F****T, T.R.KNIGHT THAT 'WORD' - by Isaiah Washington