Monday, February 26, 2007

More Oscar snark...

Because I just can't help it. One more day. That's all. I promise.

But in the meantime...
Yes, people recognize Ennio Morricone’s music but I don’t think the majority of the Oscarcast audience knew his name. Here’s what’s sad – I bet most don’t know Henry Mancini either. And forget about Jerry Goldsmith. But Morricone’s body of work is impressive.

Still, is it too much to ask to give your speech in English? Or at least have someone translate who knows what the heck you're saying? I have the strong feeling Clint Eastwood was making up the translation. The tipoff was "Whenever I need inspiration I always re-watch THE UNFORGIVEN, available on DVD."

Let this be a lesson to Danny Elfman when he's honored by the Italian Film Academy. Take a Berlitz course, Danny.

Forgot to mention how much I hated Anne Hathaway’s gown. It’s like she wore this beautiful white dress then dipped her breasts in the La Brea Tar Pits.

TV icon, Lloyd Thaxton had a great observation: Best Actor, Forest Whittaker played a king, and Best Actress, Helen Mirren played a queen. They truly are Hollywood royalty.

You know it’s Oscar time when there’s a shortage of Botox in LA.

The Celine Dion song was more depressing that the “In Memoriam” segment. Speaking of which, a commenter pointed out that Barbara McNair was omitted. Okay, she starred in CHANGE OF HABIT with Elvis but she was also in THE ORGANIZATION.

Nifty line from commenter, Patrick Walsh: Those dancers forming objects was reasonably neat. I kept wishing it was 1997, the year Boogie Nights got some nominations. I'd love to see twenty ballet dancers form a 13-foot penis.

Read the comments, kids. There are usually some gems.

But here is my favorite one, perhaps ever. Received on Monday.

You say some stupid shit but I still enjoy the blog.

One thing I really missed this year was KTLA Channel 5’s red carpet coverage with sycophant supreme, Sam Rubin and glamour sock puppet, Mindy Burbano (see photo). But it turns out KTLA was covering the event – for webcast only. Considering they had to bribe mid level celebrities with Altoids to talk to them when they were on a nationally syndicated actual broadcast network, I imagine keeping stars from blowing right past them was like trying to hold the Pacific Ocean back with a broom.

I love how Ryan Seacrest kept asking every celebrity if they were staying for the whole show. Guess in the case of loser, Eddy Murphy the answer was no. He was in his limo zipping down Highland before Alan Arkin finished his acceptance speech.

Ten year old Abigail Breslin handled losing with more maturity and class than Eddie Murphy.

And by bolting from the Oscars, I think he can guarantee he’ll never be nominated again. Not even for DR. DOOLITTLE 2.

When Ryan commented that Jodie Foster’s dress matched her eyes she said, “I had them dyed.” Score one for Jody.

In reading other Oscar reviews, for everything that someone loved, someone else hated it.

A caller on KNX asked me Monday if Robert Redford could get a ticket to the Oscars if he wanted one. Yes, but only if Sally Kirkland agreed to give up hers.

Ratings were so-so but still three times the audience of the Emmys. Hell, the Grammys beat the Emmys. You'd think television would know how to draw people to the television.

For all the red pins promoting awareness of diamonds mined by children in war zones, there sure were a lot of diamonds dripping off of those gowns.

Peter O’Toole was campaigning so hard for that Best Actor Oscar that he even appeared on THE VIEW. That’s even sadder than the KTLA webcast.

Did anybody at home actually run a stopwatch to see if the get-off-the-stage music really always began at 45 seconds? Or was producer Laura Ziskin sitting off stage going, "Uccch. Boring. Cue the music. Get 'em off. "?

Despite the florid stage directions read for the Best Screenplay nominees, keep your stage directions short and simple.

Daddy Warbucks Nicholson was always good for a reaction but next year – more Emily Blunt (whether she’s at the awards or not).

I've gotten a lot of comments from young guys who thought Helen Mirren was hot. Substitute "winner" for "mom" and you have a definite WILF.

Is anyone surprised the Michael Mann montage was long, lugubrious, and indulgent? I bet it was over budget too.

Was Jerry Seinfeld just auditioning for Ellen’s job? By the way, he was pretty good.

I didn’t see the show in HD. I imagine it was REALLY rough on some of those actresses. No wonder Sharon Stone stayed away.

I’m sure you people on the East Coast don’t think the Oscars finishing under four hours was a big achievement. If you want to know who wins Best Picture, you have to stay up after midnight. And I can just imagine your kids. “Oh please, Mommy. Can I stay up at least through Best Sound Mixing?”

There’s only one aspect of the Oscars no one in Hollywood is talking about today: what CAN we do to stop Global Warming?

So let me be that one person. Create a neat pin for next year.

38 comments:

ravaj said...

re jack nicholson - i thought a bit more lex luthor than daddy warbucks :-)

Dr. Sparky said...

Thank you! That whole Clint Eastwood pretending he works for the UN bit made me feel rather uncomfortable.

It didn't help that it followed Celine Dion singing a song no one cared about and no one could understand.

jhime said...

I went with the Kingpin in Jack Nicholson comparisons. And I think if you put a scar down his right eye he'd be a dead ringer for Blofeld in You Only Live Twice...

And I think we ALL know that Forest Whitaker's Oscar wasn't a make-up for THE SHIELD, but for his heartfelt portrayal of Ker, the conflicted Psychlo Lieutenant to John Travolta in the incomparable BATTLEFIELD EARTH.

Seymour said...

Clint Eastwood made a lot of movies in Italy. Does the name Sergio Leone ring a bell? It's highly likely that he learned the language, as it would make working and living there a lot easier, and Clint's a pretty smart guy.

Maybe it's just my love of music, but the names, faces, and work of Henry Mancini, Ennio Morricone, Jerry Goldsmith, Elmer Bernstein, the GREAT Bernard Herrmann, Max Steiner, Franz Waxman, Dimitri Tiomkin (Had dinner with him once) and so many others have been as familiar to me as Hitchcock, Robert Wise, Leo McCary, Frank Capra, James Whale, and of course my favorite stars, since I was a teenager. Hell, even much lesser known names like Hans Salter and Frank Skinner are part and parcel of my film love. My record collection holds far more film soundtracks than rock. I have CDs of Hans Salter's music. Maybe the public at large don't know any film composers but John Williams, but that's their loss. I loved the Morricone tribute, until they ruined it by trotting out Celine Dion.

When they introduced Phillip Seymour Hoffman as "The sexiest man ever to play Truman Capote" I was embarrasssed for Toby Jones. I've seen Hoffman shirtless. My eyes still burn. Frankly, Capote himself was sexier than Hoffman. And couldn't someone have loaned him the use of a hairbrush before he went out?

jason oliver said...

did anyone else notice that when the departed screenwriter won for best adapted screenplay, the voiceover said that it was based on the japanese screenplay written by felix chong and alan mok. can 2 asian names sound LESS JAPANESE and MORE HONG KONGESE (if thats even a word, and it should be). that was just blatant ignorance. for a remake of a HK movie, which wasn't even up for foreign film oscar back in 2002, to win the best picture oscar, reflects the true, sad, unoriginal state of american motion pictures.

Daniel said...

Yeah, my italian is kind of primitive (almost as much as my english) but Eastwood's translation seemed really acurate to me.

Yes, Jason, "The departed" is an adaptation - remake - whatever of "Infernal affairs" a movie from Hong Kong.

rorybaldwin said...

Stay up past midnight? Here it didn't start till after midnight. I got into bed by 5.30am.

No, I do not have anything better to do.

Tom Quigley said...

I agree with you about Jerry Seinfeld's segment. I think he was auditioning. He was funnier, better dressed and seemed to be more tuned in to what would make the house laugh than Ellen (or her writers)....

As for the rest of the show, I only came to two conclusions: (1) Al Gore has officially launched his 2008 presidential campaign, and (2)it probably would have been more fun to watch if you were at a lesbian Oscar party....

Benton Harbor said...

From the Chattanoogan:

"Last night, Al Gore’s global-warming documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, collected an Oscar for best documentary feature, but the Tennessee Center for Policy Research has found that Gore deserves a gold statue for hypocrisy.

Gore’s mansion, located in the posh Belle Meade area of Nashville, consumes more electricity every month than the average American household uses in an entire year, according to the Nashville Electric Service (NES).

In his documentary, the former Vice President calls on Americans to conserve energy by reducing electricity consumption at home.

The average household in America consumes 10,656 kilowatt-hours (kWh) per year, according to the Department of Energy. In 2006, Gore devoured nearly 221,000 kWh — more than 20 times the national average."

So much for Leonardo's being impressed with all that Al has done.

Mr. Hollywood said...

Might be a good idea for the Academy to hire a producer for thier show who actually has a sense of theatrics. IN a word the show was ... boring. How about some entertainment value to go with the awards.
Rob Marshall made one of the great musicals, CHICAGO, then directed one of the best TV shows I've seen in years, THE TONY BENNETT SPECIAL ... so why not let this man produce the show.

The One With The Moustache said...

I wonder if when Manoel de Oliveira dies the Academy is going to include him in the Im Memorium segment, after all he is the oldest active director alive, and the one with the longest career.

Patrick Walsh said...

Thanks for the shout-out Ken, you made my week! Love this site...

JOHN LEADER said...

Jerry Seinfeld was funny, but it was all old material. Strange thing to do in that venue.

Clint Eastwood is looking old and sounding it, too. In the pre-show BS he sounded positively addled.

All the "produced" bits went on too long - and you're right, Ken (as usual), the opening "Nominees" piece was a bloated "GAP commercial."

Ellen was OK overall. Her bit with Eastwood and Spielberg was pretty funny, though. Telling Speilberg to "reframe" the photo was priceless.

Mary Stella said...

I was thrilled for Jennifer Hudson. She won her Oscar and gave a gracious, sincere, heartfelt acceptance speech within 45 seconds. The musical number rocked.

Most of all, since the Grammy fashion error, her stylist found her a decent bra.

Anonymous said...

Is anyone surprised the Michael Mann montage was long, lugubrious, and indulgent? I bet it was over budget too.

*LOL* It probably was, too! Classic.

As for Jack Nicholson, I was wondering if his new look had anything to do with showing support to Britney, because, you know, he may sorta see a lof of himself in her recent drug and booze fuelled insanity. ;-)

As for HD, yeah, well... I watched the show from across the apartment in the kitchen, preferring to make cookies during the pre-show for the main event, and let me tell you, even on our dinky 32" LCD screen I could see all of the pinned pupils *cough*TomKat*cough* and every plastic surgery scar *cough*J.Lo*cough* on most of the stars that did show up, and it was NOT pretty, so yeah, I understand who so many stayed away from the red carpet.

And how is it that Sally Crazier Than Batshit Kirkland keeps getting a ticket year after year? What was the last thing she put on film?! Oh, wait! I don't think I want to know the answer to that if you're going to call her the original Night In Paris, Ken. Eww. Ick. *wretch*

Stacey

Anonymous said...

Forget Eastwood looking and sounding addled, what about Peter O'Toole? When I saw him on the red carpet and how he seemed to propped up by his wife and someone else, my only thought was that he was going to die at the telecast. I was genuinely scared for him. I had fears of his winning and instead of standing up to accept, slumping down in his seat with his eyes still wide open with that stupid grin of his on his face. He looked just like Katharine Hepburn and Henry Fonda in the days before their deaths. I tell ya, that man is not long for this world.

Stacey

Anonymous said...

My favorite "Ryan Seacrest has no clothes moment" in the pregame was when he was interviewing Kate Winslet and asking her about her friend "Ricky Jarvis". Kate just looked at him like he had three heads (though that would have been three too many for Mr. S) Kate finally offered "Gervais" as the proper surname, Ryan didn't get that either, but that thankfully led into a hilarious video clip to Kate from Ricky, which redeemed the whole thing.

rorybaldwin said...

Anyone else think that in her red suit Ellen looked like Owen Wilson attending an Austin Powers party?

Michael Zand said...

Ellen was okay but still think that Jon Stewart did a great job last year. They were idiots not bring him back. I guess the thinking was a mildly funny, tuxedoed lesbian was more appealing to the red states than a very funny east coast jew.

VP19 said...

And how is it that Sally Crazier Than Batshit Kirkland keeps getting a ticket year after year?

Sally was nominated for Best Actress in "Anna" 20 years ago, which I suppose gives her a lifetime invitation. I've met her, and while she may be a bit crazy, she's charmingly so.

Rich said...

HD was very kind to Jessica Biel. And Ms. Biel was even MORE kind to those of us with HD, if you get the picture. (pun intended)

Enjoy the blog.

Tom Dougherty said...

It's not out the realm of possibility to think that Clint Eastwood picked up some Italian over the years. He worked in Italy a lot early on, and wasn't he living with an Italian woman not so long ago? I don't know.

And I agree with everyone who said it: Ellen was the best host this outfit has had in years.

Blarneyman said...

Okay, I am going to shout this because it deserves it ...

PETER O'TOOLE IS IRISH, NOT ENGLISH AS JACK BLACK SANG, OR BRITISH AS EVERY FUCKING COMMENTATOR KEPT SAYING.

HE IS IRISH. JESUS, THE MAN'S AN 80YR OLD ALCOHOLIC, ISN'T THAT ENOUGH FOR PEOPLE?

RICHARD HARRIS WAS ALSO IRISH... I am done.

Eric Weinstein said...

I think Forest's Oscar was a make-up for Fast Times at Ridgemont High or Vision Quest...

You want to see Helen Mirren, then rent Caligola; she's a real RILF (Roman I'd like to ...)

Anonymous said...

Never mind, benton harbor, that the Tennessee Center for Policy Research is a right-wing funded organization designed to smear Al Gore personally because they lost the battle on global warming. It was deliberately timed and coordinated to correspond with his movie's Oscar win.

Read a thorough debunking here.

The president of the "non-partisan" Tennessee Center for Policy Research has a history of working for right wing organizations like the Exxon-funded American Enterprise Institute and the right wing funded National Taxpayers Union.

The right cannot stand that Gore is more successful having "lost" his election bid in 2000 than Bush is having "won" it.

Anonymous said...

Jerry Seinfeld was awful at the Oscars. How could anyone say that was funny. He was just obnoxious, and really dislikable. Yeah, he's a billionaire and wont pick up his trash at the cinema. What an asshole. I fucking hate that guy.

Ish said...

I'm pretty sure they were ready to cut a shot of Peter O'Toole, still in his seat, into the "In Memoriam" montage until the last possible minute.

Tim Dunleavy said...

Forgot to mention how much I hated Anne Hathaway’s gown. It’s like she wore this beautiful white dress then dipped her breasts in the La Brea Tar Pits.

And to make up for it, I propose that Anne Hathaway should stop wearing clothes altogether. Then we'll all be happy.

The Master said...

"it probably would have been more fun to watch if you were at a lesbian Oscar party."

Honey, everything is more fun at a lesbian party!

Oh, and Blarneyman, while you're shouting, THE VERY IRISH PETER O'TOOL IS 74, NOT 80! That he looks 95 is a tribute to a life lived with, let's say gusto. I love him though.

And I'm sorry, but Ellen was dull, dull, dull. Bring back Jon Stewart or Steve Martin and pump some energy into that show.

Paul said...

Re: Jason Oliver

Now I'm not trying to fault the original film, but The Departed is not Infernal Affairs. Same basic plot, but the characters and dialogue are different, not to mention the editing, directing, cinematogrohy, etc. It's a different movie.

I did cringe when they said "based on the Japanese movie..." though. That's a pretty glaring oversight, especially in today's Japan-crazy culture. You'd think somebody would have said "Hey, that doesn't sound right..."

Paul Duca said...

Interesting that you bring up CHANGE OF HABIT--for those who don't know the film, Elvis' female lead was...Mary Tyler Moore! She, McNair and another actress played incognito nuns helping the ghetto doctor played by Presley--and Mary fell in love with him.

Blarneyman said...

The Master: Okay, Peter O'Toole is 74, but he's also Irish. This ignorance is insulting to Ireland and it happens all the time because the British like the claim everything.

Fuck they even tried to call Colin Farrell a Brit when he first started in Ballykissangel. Grr.

The Master said...

I aknowledged Petey is Irish. I agree that such ignorance is inexcusable. Although born in Los Angeles, I am 1/4 Irish myself. Plus I had the joy of meeting O'Tool 20 years ago, when he looked his age, his age NOW that is.

But if you're going to correct people, you'd best have all your facts right yourself.

And I don't see how you can fault the Brits for American ignorance. Poor Barry Humphries gets accused of being a Brit over here all the time too, and of course, he's Australian.

Anyway, calling O'Tool 80 could be construed as an insult to actual octagenerians. Christopher Lee is in his 80s, and he looks FAR younger than O'Tool.

The Master said...

Amd it was, of course, redundant to call O'Tool an alcoholic. That was covered when you called him Irish.

TCinLA said...

Wow, you're the first person I ever saw who could mention the words "maturity" and "class" in the same sentence with the name "Eddie Murphy." But then, his lacks thereof are likely the secret to his success.

And Sally Kirkland once asked me to go with her (till she found a better offer) - and I was merely a lowly writer, not an all-seeing gnu, er, I mean, guru.

TCinLA said...

Hey, Benton Harbor, if you want to pull your head out of your ass for 30 seconds and discover that Reality is different from WingerWorld, you'll discover that that "Center" is a piece of right wing astroturf that got its tax exemption pulled (by a Republican Attorney General's office) for failing to meet the standards (which are pretty lax) for being a tax-exempt educational institution.

Not only that, but Gore doesn't live in a one-room shack like you do. As was pointed out endlessly on Monday (of course it was done on sites where people write in polysyllabic prose, which means a halfwit like you probably couldn't make sense of any of it), he "burns" energy that comes from a solar power system on his property and for the excess he "buys" carbon credits - just like he suggests people do in his speeches and his movie.

Hey, I hear "24" is auditioning for far right halfwits who can't spell their names the same in succession for their writing staff - looks like you'd have a real edge. Maybe you could even make it at the "30 Minute Comedy Hour," being such a funny guy as you are.

Does mommy know what you're doing with that computer down in her basement???

Anonymous said...

Dr. Dolittle 2 came out in 2001. Eddie already missed his chance on that one.

Tom S. said...

I think Clint's spaghetti westerns were mostly shot in Spain. Sergio Leone was Italian and didn't speak English though.