Superbowl XLIXXXCIIXXCLX

I love Superbowls in the rain. Missed PAT’s, back-to-back fumbles twice, wet cheerleaders, and rich people paying five grand for tickets getting soaked.

On HD the long shots through wet lens still looked smeared but the smear was much sharper.

Levine’s law: the team that runs back the opening kickoff for a touchdown loses.

Of the 34,563,563,984,001 people that watched last year’s Superbowl I bet only 2,000,000 can name the two teams. And half of those only remember because they lost money. Pittsburgh and I think…Seattle. Seattle, right? Yeah. Seattle.

Now that the game is over our sports sections can finally focus on fishing!

Ten thousand tedious hours of pre-game coverage and analysis and NOBODY predicted the Colts defense would be the key.

I bet Sunday was the one night of the year you could get into Joe’s Stone Crabs without a two hour wait.

More fun than the game was the Media Day on Wednesday. Here are some of the great questions the players were asked:

To Colts tight end Ben Utect: “Since you play for the Colts, are you going to win one for Barbano?”

To Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher: “What exercises do you do to get such a tight butt and such big biceps?”

To Bears linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo: “Do you think it’s okay for a man to give another man a massage?”

Since when did Sam Rubin become a sports journalist???

I still can’t forgive the Colts for fleeing Baltimore in the dead of night.

Only one player was under house arrest – Tank Johnson of the Bears. And all he did was illegally keep a semiautomatic rifle, a loaded .45-caliber handgun, four other guns, one ammunition stash of 550 rounds, three arrests in 18 months, then violated probation. But he was given a one game suspension so there you go.

I’d love to see the post game commercial – “ (blank), you’ve just won the Superbowl, now what?” Player: “I’m going to PRISON!!”

The CBS pre-game show featured James Brown (the other one who isn’t buried), Dan Marino, Boomer Esison, Shannon Sharpe, and Katie Couric. Brown tried to give Katie some street cred by pointing out her athletic background – she once was a cheerleader. Will we see her next Sunday on the Grammy’s giving out the best hip hop CD?

Explain to me the point of Cirque de Soleil? Fellini meets the Orange Bowl halftime show.

I don’t care how many Grammy’s Billy Joel has won, the huge woman in the big bird dress who auditioned for AMERICAN IDOL was better.

And then the anachronism now known as Prince – When the Foo Fighters recorded “The Best Of You” there’s a reason they didn’t have you sing the lead and back it with a marching band. And Robert Goulet wants his turquoise suit back.

Speaking of Bob Goulet, good job in that Emeralds nuts spot. Now if only anyone under forty knew who he was.

CBS charged $85,000 a second for Superbowl commercial time. I wanted to call and order a three second spot.

Tickets to one of the suites went for over $200,000. But Cheese Doodles were included.

I loved that both head coaches were African-American.

In the “Boy named Sue” department – you HAD to play football in school if your name was Lovie Smith.

Jim Nance did a fine job announcing the game. You couldn’t ask for anyone better other than Dick Enberg, Al Michaels, Joe Buck, Charlie Jones, Vin Scully, or Keith Jackson.

God, I feel old. I remember when THE A-TEAM premiered after a Superbowl.

Those Coke commercials were fabulous. Great animation, inventive, and I guess they didn’t get the memo because their spots had no talking animals, pratfalls, stupid slackers, lame jokes, and old people riding motorcycles,

I’m only sorry the Flomax commercial didn’t follow the Budweiser commercial.

I wish it were raining so hard that when Tony Dungy got drenched with the Gatorade bucket he wouldn’t realize it.

I’m sure Peyton Manning’s first reaction when the gun sounded was not elation but relief.

Come this time next year if anyone should ask – the Indianapolis Cols and I think… the Chicago Bears.