Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Where can a guy get some immune globlulin in this stinkin' town?

Jesus Christ, can’t I even ogle a few swimsuit models for ten minutes without being involved in a Hepatitis scare?

As noted in yesterday’s post, one of Wolfgang Puck’s cooks who catered the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model party two weeks ago came down with Hepatitis A and all guests were advised to get an immune globulin shot…by TODAY. Nice warning – 24 hours.

Okay, a couple of thoughts:

1) This wouldn’t have happened if SI had Art’s Deli cater the damn affair.

2) Anyone who ate uncooked food needs a shot. How many of the models think they’re not exposed because they threw up the food within an hour?

3) Shouldn’t Wolfgang Puck reimburse everyone who needed a shot?

4) The food wasn’t even that good.

5) No newscaster could report the story last night without snickering.

6) Why couldn’t it have been the Governor’s Ball at the Oscars instead?

7) These models go to Bora Bora and all these bizarre exotic locales and are fine. One night in West Hollywood they may come down with Hepatitis.

There was another problem. Very few doctors and medical clinics even HAD immune globulin shots. There are not a lot of raging outbreaks of Hepatitis. It took me about an hour calling around until I found a place. If I wanted to score crystal meth I could probably do it easier. I saw there was a clinic in the Antelope Valley and the Public Health Center in Monrovia was lousy with the stuff. But even my GPS system couldn’t find those places. And there’s the Central Public Health Center on Figueroa. Oh yeah, I want to see all those slicksters drive their Beemers and Porsches to the heart of downtown L.A. Plenty of free street parking, guys.

So I finally found a place. Had to tell them “Lil’ MoFo” sent me but they gave me the shot (and took my $115). And now I can eat my Chinois chicken salad again without fear of yellow jaundice.

The good news was that the shot was in the arm. Didn’t used to be. Years ago I had to do this and at that time it was a horse shot in the ass. Thank God no one does that anymore, making you drop your pants. Although, if I were Beyonce’s doctor…

Next year I think I’ll skip the party and just buy the magazine. No danger of Hepatitis...or even Glaucoma.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think having to get a shot of gamma globulin is a fair price to pay for getting to spend a few minutes with Beyonce. If I could have spent those minutes with her alone, I wouldn't have cared if they gave me the shot in my eyes.

Alaskaray

Oswaldo Poupard said...

Ha! Sweet justice like this comes around so rarely.

Shall you big shots ride the toilet for 3 days and 2 nights, (GOD forbid)

Get well soon :}

la guy said...

That's the risk you take for hanging out with a bunch of skanky ho's.

I am of course referring to the agents and television execs in attendance.

Hope your safe.

Anonymous said...

don't you mean nate and al's?

Captain J said...

It might be easier to score crystal meth...but it would not be much help with the hepatitis. You'd just be jaundiced and jumpy.

Tom Quigley said...

Wouldn't have helped if it had been Jerry's Deli. I heard they once catered a FRASIER wrap party, a bunch of people came down with food poisoning and Paramount sued them... Doesn't Wolfgang Puck deserve a similar fate? After all he's probably not only got the insurance to cover it but to offer the gratuity of reimbursing everyone who had to pay for the damn shot... Wait'll the reports come back from people who attended the Governer's Party at the Academy Awards. I can envision Mary Hart telling a nationwide TV audience that for some unknown reason, everyone who was there has started to take on the appearance of a caution light at an intersection... That happy face on Forrest Whitaker has really turned into a "Happy Face!"

One final thought (for those who want to turn this whole mess into a morality play): If WP ever caters an affair at the Playboy mansion, what kind of punishment is he unknowingly likely to dole out for THEIR sins? The Bubonic Plague?...

Ken, hope you're doing OK (and there's always that instant tanning cream)....

Lee said...

This is totally offtopic but I want to recommend a blog that I read.

It is from one of the contestants from the first America's Next Top Model (not the winner).

Her blog is also a joy to read, every day, every post.

http://elysesewell.livejournal.com/

That she would post this entry http://elysesewell.livejournal.com/2007/02/28/ without commentary is *&#*@&#&* great.

Hawise said...

I hope you remain well but that just seems to have been one party that just seems to keep on giving. People wonder why I don't go to too many parties and when I do, I usually do the cooking, I should save this as an explanation.

The Master said...

How embarassing for you, to go to a party full of hot, skanky supermodels/hos, and catch a disease from the caterers instead of from the models.

Madfoot said...

Yeah, I'm gonna need to hear more about the LAST time you needed this. "Years ago." Ha.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, I would think that Puck & Co. would reimburse you for the shot, and would do the same for others, just to head off a public relations nightmare.

Ditto to what Tom Q. said about Jerry's Deli... in fact the Jerry's just down the boulevard from Art's was rather infamously closed by the county for health code violations. And Solley's is owned by the same bunch. Art's is the bomb... it's a heart bomb, but a bomb nonetheless.

BTW, I read your blog religiously, laugh always, and can't believe that it was your post about a hepatitis scare that got me to tell you...

Paul Duca said...

This is why you are one of my heroes, Ken...being able to keep your sense of humor even in the face of something so potentially serious.

Dwacon said...

Spiderman could get you a Green Globlulin...

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Well, I could... but still...

David K. M. Klaus said...

You could have your accountant submit a bill to Mr. Puck's office for the cost of the shot. Then if he doesn't pay, take him to small claims court. Fun and games for all!


FWIW, vaccinations are available for both Hep. A and Hep. B -- one is a three-shot series and the other requires two shots; check with your primary care physician or the local health department. While Gamma Globulin may be hard to find, these should be easily available and probably covered by your health insurance.


(Unfortunately, there is no vaccine for Hep. C yet, although the prospects for one are better than they were just a few years ago.)

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