Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Blogging for bucks!

Why can’t I get in on this scam? There’s a company called PayPerPost. Another called ReviewMe, Loud Launch, and SponsoredReviews.com. They pay bloggers to hype their products or give reviews in exchange for cash. As the guy who staged a seminar and renamed his daughter Dow Chemical Levine for product placement money I think this is a fabulous idea! Especially during the Christmas season. Sure it’s misleading and destroys all credibility but we’re talking XMAS CASH. (I heard someone refer to a twenty dollar bill recently as a "Yuppie Foodstamp".) Plus, I'm on strike. First however, I have to go back and retract some things I’ve said earlier in this blog. Anything I’ve ripped in the past – I didn’t mean it.

I actually loved the Oscarcast and think that movies are better than ever. Especially the ones that plan on launching expensive Oscar campaigns. FANTASTIC 4 -- now there's a great movie!

I’m sorry if you got the impression I hate Carnival cruise lines. Being on a ship with 10,000 other people (8,000 over capacity) just means you make more new friends who like to eat greasy bbq food at midnight.

I’d rather be canceled off a JetBlue flight than any other airline in the world.

If you’re looking for the ideal family outing, look no further than an NBA game. The players are all model citizens, and the crowd? Why it’s just like being at a church social with your neighbors.

A sitcom star waiting to happen is Traci Lords.

Getting Hepatitis A is a small price to pay to have the fabulous Wolfgang Puck cater your next event.

Celine Dion just closed in Las Vegas. Sorry you missed her. Nothing says love like the theme to the Titanic with circus performers flying around.

If I were Oprah, my book pick this month would be “Murder in Vegas” by Steve Allen.

And finally…Watch THE SOPRANOS on A&E. It shows the Mafia the way it really is – no profanity or nudity.

Hopefully, PayPerPost you will see that I am a whore and can be bought. Let’s do business! The only thing is, I would have to change the name of my blog to BUY KEN LEVINE. But hey, for $12, why not?

Mele Kalikimaka.

19 comments:

Dwacon® said...

Well, Ken... if a few blog posts made the difference between dining out or eating a bowl of Captain Crunch on your living room sofa... then go America!

A. Buck Short said...

Concept - A
Execution - Vacation B+
Links - A+

Mahalo a nui.

Bitter Animator said...

I seem to be missing the Traci Lords reference. Was she in The Fountain?

Regardless, I'll not have a bad word said about her. She was great in Melrose Place. And all that porn too.

The Crutnacker said...

And Bitter Animator, I'm sure you're commenting on the one legal movie she made, correct?

Honestly, Ken, it shocks me that you've not thrown up at least a few links to Amazon to buy DVDs of your work so that you can at least make a few pennies off of them that way.

Heck, throw some adsense on your blog and make a few pennies off some text ads. It helps if you can write a witty post about mesothelioma.

Or why not just have some subtle product placement in your photos.

For instance, a shot of you using Sharpie brand Magic Markers to make your strike signs.

Or perhaps stopping at Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts to fuel up before a day on the line.

If it keeps this blog going and enables you to afford to keep traveling to places most of us have never been (like Reseda and Butte, MT), then I'm all for it.

Mary Stella said...

When I finish and sell my next book, I'll pay you to buzz it for me once the publisher releases it. I know you get more hits here than I do on my blog. *g* The day you mentioned my comment about AI contestant Phil as Uncle Fester, my blog hits tripled.

Tom Quigley said...

Ken,

I just deposited a dollar in the floppy drive slot on my computer -- can I post a comment now?

A. Buck Short said...

And that Mele Kalikimaka is just terrific on CSI:NY.

VP81955 said...

Interesting comments about the NBA, Ken. Right now, Madison Square Garden is as dysfunctional a family as that of one of the Knicks' former season ticket-holders...you know, the bespectacled New York filmmaker not named Spike Lee.

Dow Chemical levine said...

Does this mean I can finish college?

love,
Dow Chemical

Bitter Animator said...

>>And Bitter Animator, I'm sure you're commenting on the one legal movie she made, correct?<<

She made loads of legal movies, didn't she? What the hell have I been watching? Holy crap, looking at wikipedia, you're right. Yikes. Although I think that one may have been the only one I've seen some of. I hope.

Other movies of hers I haven't seen include the classics Chump Change, Black Mask 2: City of Masks and Extramarital. And one of her music tracks was used in the wonderful movie Mortal Kombat.

I'm learning lots from wikipedia today.

The Curmudgeon said...

Funny take on PPP.

But pretending for a moment that you were serious: I visit a lot of blogs that have Pay Per Post. Many got punished by Google in the last Page Rank survey -- PR6's were demoted to PR2 or PR3.

No, I don't know what that means either, but nobody likes to get demoted.

The other problem with Pay Per Post is that you have to write the commercials, and have them approved, before you can post and get paid for them. That worked for Jack Benny... but I'm not sure how that it translates to the blogging world. And his writers only had to come up with spots for one sponsor, not all sorts of different ones such as ask PPP to place their ads.

A California law firm specializing in DUI's was prominently featured recently. Some of the blogs I read from Great Britain had interesting takes on that one.

Because I'm lazy, I'd much prefer to have someone buy large blocks of space on my blog. (And, Mr. Levine, if you decide to self-publish your travelogue book....)

Failing that, Google offers Adsense, which pays, in part, according to traffic. What that means is, you'd probably get some actual dough with the daily traffic you have.

A Google computer decides which ads to insert in the spaces you've allocated for Adsense on the basis of words it recognizes on your page. When certain words are detected, however, Google won't place any revenue generating ads. Keep writing about Traci Lords and you'd see.

But the Google computer doesn't care what you said about Jet Blue... if you said Jet Blue, airline ads will pop up. Maybe even from Jet Blue. And if a reader -- a real reader, like me, not Dow Chemical celebrating with the family on vacation in Hawaii -- clicks on an ad, that's when you get the chance to really earn income. Traffic generates some income, but legitimate clicks pay a lot more.

And don't ask me how Google knows which clicks are legitimate. They know. That's all any of us need ever know.

And you might even understand the formula since you've figured out payments due you from reruns....

Norrin2 said...

And how do you feel about Debra Messing?

Captain Obvious said...

I lol'd

Anonymous said...

oh crap, it's a clip show

Yojimbo_5 said...

Actually, it reads identically to Larry King's old "U.S.A.Today" column.

WV=kekwlilv: The next resort development on Oahu.

jbryant said...

I actually met Traci Lords a while back at one of those collectors' shows at the Burbank Hilton (no, not porn collectors). I went for Dwayne Hickman, Lords was just a bonus. My buddy wanted his picture taken with her, so I obliged. We talked to her for a minute, and I shook her hand. It has now turned mostly black and is hanging by a tendon.

The Crutnacker said...

I miss the old Larry King column.

My version.

The latest Harold Robbins book is out, and oh boy can that man write a page turner.

Is it just me or can that Lola Falana belt out a song. I just saw Hot To Trot, and if that Bobcat Goldthwait isn't the funniest comedian on the planet, I don't know who is. Funniest comedy ever, about my favorite subject, horse racing.

Whatever happened to the Andrea True Connection? Tune into CNN tonight when my guest will be Zsa Zsa Gabor.

The Crutnacker said...

Anyone else addicted to this blog?

Honestly. I love reading the comments as much as I love reading Ken's stuff.

Let's start a church!

Ellen said...

On my blog, I constantly talk about my often fruitless (groan) search for Minute Maid Light raspberry passion juice. Maybe it's time to look for endorsement cash. (Yes, it's delicious and low-calorie! And it's so disappointing that I can never find it.)